Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1377
Latest Conversations: Oct 10

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Terry Kent Mar 7, 2022. 6 Replies


Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020. 1 Reply

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31, 2020. 13 Replies

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Comment by Mary. Jane on October 10, 2023 at 10:59am

Steve, I remember your post when Bella died..and have thought of it often. I found it very comforting..that somehow our beloved pets stay with us, hopefully to join us in our next lives. (Yes, I believe in reincarnation…the short time we are here never made sense to me, even as a kid, discovering we return and possibly be with the ones we love, including our pets, was a gift I cherish. I learned that by reading books on Edgar Cayce..way back in the 1960s. NOW there are a gazillion books on his life…at the time there were only TWO! If u have never read anything about’s kinda awesome..

Comment by Steve G. on October 9, 2023 at 3:03pm
Dear Mary Jane,

Wow, that was awesome. My dreams of Mark usually have us interacting with my grandparents who raised me. Sounds almost like an alternate universe story. However, it really lifts my spirits and to see my grandparents differently, totally accepting me and him. The few dreams I have had of this type seems so surreal and comforting that I actually have a hard time trying to make sense of them, so I don't try.
There have been times when I felt like he was near. The first time was after I had to move from my apartment to a new one because the owners wanted to remodel the one, we had lived in together. I was napping and awakened by his favorite cologne. I could hardly believe it at first and though it was a dream. As got up and moved around the apartment, the fragrance was everywhere. The one other time was on the evening that our dog Bella was dying. She was so sick she would not move and could barely sit up. All of a sudden, she sat up and started whining and just staring at the patio door with her tail wagging. I got up and turned on the porch light, there wasn't a squirrel or anything out there. Still, she sat whining and wagging her tail.
It was then that I thought to ask her was she seeing Mark. This excited her more. It seemed like an eternity of time had passed before she settled back down, but it was more like a couple of minutes. I was already tired and somehow, I felt better about Bella possible passing and fell asleep on the sofa.
When I woke up it was 2 am. Bella was not breathing and not moving, she was gone. This happened on the evening 1 day before my move to New Jersey.
So glad you shared with us and happy that you feel comforted by your dream. I believe our loved ones are around more than we know.
Take care Mary Jane.
Comment by Charles E. Nelson on October 9, 2023 at 2:16pm
Dear Mary Jane,
Oh my goodness, what a wonderful experience for you to have! I have never had such a visit, though I believe I would welcome one from Larry and would hopefully feel the same calm accepting of his presence. The closest I have come is to have vivid dreams in which Larry and I interact. I wake from those dreams wondering if he is still around me sometimes wanting to communicate some idea, message, or warning. Two days ago I got one of those charity solicitations in the mail with printed address labels - they had my new address but both Larry's and my names. That kind of made me pause because it was so unexpected. I won't say I felt really sad, but I did suddenly find myself wondering if he was content with how I'm living my life now, and wishing I could have the opportunity to tell him how sorry I am for anything I ever said or did to upset or hurt him - and I know there were times that happened. I guess if I did have a visit I would try to express that to him, even though I know in my heart that he already knows.

Thank you for sharing your lovely visit with us-
Love, Chuck
Comment by Mary. Jane on October 8, 2023 at 10:50pm

Hi everyone. Something WONDEFUL happened late last night when I was in bed asleep..each night, I sleep on my side, on the LEFT side. The right side was always Bobs..for 7 years, I have NEVER slept in “his place”. RUDY my cat sleeps next to me on the his little bed. I woke up around 1 am..petted Rudy, then NOTICED BOB WAS SLEEPING IN HIS USUAL PLACE. which made me smile…I watched him sleep..and even thought..”Oh, Bobs here! This is nice”

And then I remembered…Bob had died..but I wasn’t sad, or upset, just ACCEPTING..and then he was gone..and I fell back asleep. I KNOW it was really him.I felt SAFE and cared for.

Has anyone else had a visit? Thanks guys..bye for now.

Comment by DJ on September 30, 2023 at 8:00pm

It is great to see so many of the gang checking in.  It's been an especially long time that you've bee silent Pete.  I'm glad I do get the email notifications. All is well in my neck of the woods. The kids keep me busy with remodeling, IT support, and now babysitting.

Take care, all.

Comment by Trina Mamoon on September 30, 2023 at 1:37pm

OMG, I see a post from DJ on August 4th about Joseph's anniversary. You have such a phenomenal memory, DJ! Thank you so very much for remembering and for posting. Your thoughtfulness and kindness mean a lot to me.

How have you been? Okay, I hope?

Sending you hugs,


Comment by Trina Mamoon on September 30, 2023 at 1:30pm

Dearest Marsha,

I see you sent me a message for Joseph's anniversary on August 4th (and yes, it was the nine year anniversary), but I didn't receive the notification. I am so sorry! 

You are such a wonderful and thoughtful friend, you remembered and wrote to me. Thank you, thank you.

My heart breaks for you that the small family you had, they all moved thousands of miles away leaving you behind and not helping you move with them. Totally unconscionable on their part, especially when you are such a good sister, aunt, and great aunt.

I am sorry I am not a good correspondent on email and can't write often. I truly appreciate your kindness and thoughtfulness and wish I could do something to help you in your time of need. All I can do is pray for you. You are a very strong person, and I know you will endure.

Take care, my dear friend.

Big hugs and love your way.

-- Trina

Comment by Trina Mamoon on September 30, 2023 at 1:21pm

I am scrolling down the posts and see that this forum is active. For some reason, I don't get the notifications anymore. Only Steve's post from yesterday was in my email Inbox. I am so glad that Steve's post came through, otherwise, I wouldn't have known of the activity on this forum. 

Comment by Trina Mamoon on September 30, 2023 at 1:12pm

Hello You All Wonderful People!

It was incredibly comforting to see the post by Steve yesterday (for the first time in more than year?), followed by Sara, Chuck, Marsha, Pete, Chicago, and Mary Jane. Just the other day, I was thinking of this forum and of you all wondering whether this forum is still active. And here we are, so many people chiming in and sharing their experiences of the difficult and challenging journey that we are on. 

It's been nine years for me on August 4th since Joseph left this earth. My grief has changed. Like Steve's post notes, grief is not something you complete, it's something you endure, adjust to and absorb. It's so true!

My grief is much less acute than it was say, maybe 4 or 5 years ago; now I can enjoy family time (sisters, brothers, nephews and nieces and their adorable little kids), conversation with a friend over dinner, a good book, a song, a walk in the park on a beautiful day. I am thankful for being able to enjoy these simple pleasures of life again. But one thing that hasn't changed over tie and never will until I breathe my last, is I will never stop loving or missing Joseph. Everyday when I open my eyes, my first thought is about Joseph, and at night I say goodnight to him before falling asleep. He is a part of me, and that feeling time will never erode. Like Mary Jane, my consolation is in the hope of meeting Joseph on the other side when my time comes.

I want to thank each and every one of you for continuing to reach out here, to try to help lessen our grief, to help us find some measure of comfort and hope. And to each of you I send love and warm wishes to endure in your journey, at whatever point you find yourselves in in that journey. Hugs and love.

With appreciation,


Comment by Sara Murphy on September 29, 2023 at 2:48pm

Mary Jane....I'm glad they figured out what was wrong and that it's treatable.  Unknown medical situations are so scary and our minds fill in the blanks with worse case scenarios..  Good luck with your surgery.  Be sure to check in and let us know how you're doing


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