Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1377
Latest Conversations: Oct 10

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


Discussion Forum

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Terry Kent Mar 7, 2022. 6 Replies


Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020. 1 Reply

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31, 2020. 13 Replies

Comment Wall


You need to be a member of Bereaved Spouses to add comments!

Comment by Sara Murphy on September 29, 2023 at 2:45pm

Steve....what you posted was on the mark about grief being about absorption.  There is no finish line, grief will never end but it is absorbed into our lives as we move forward and start writing the next chapter.  I will mourn Ken until the day I join him.....but I'm in no hurry to join him.  I know where he is and I know I'll get there eventually but hopefully not for quite a while

I'm so happy to hear from everyone.  It's almost 8 years for me and my Legacy family saved me.  I only want the best for everyone here. 

Comment by Mary. Jane on September 29, 2023 at 12:15pm

Thanks, Steve G…actually this year, starting in March, has been a very SCARY start with, I don,t feel Bob around like he was after he died..i used to talk to him all day long…his absence made meI figure maybe he has been reborn…but it’s like  iI have lost him twice…then in March…my mind started to “go”. I thought I had Alzheimers. My rent checks bounced, I didn’t REMEMBER stuff…so I saw TONS of Drs, lots of testing..etc…then a miracle…I was NOT loosing it!!!  It involve an operation…kinda ICKY one..but I cried with joy at the results…all the tests point to my PARA THYROID glands..4 little round things located in my neck that control a lot of problems, including reducing calcium in my body..WHO KNEW? LOL…I WASN,t loosing now we wait..with more testing to make sure…bla bla bla. But just knowing it’s fixable was beyond wonderful. I am now 77, and not ready to leave this earth. 

Comment by Chicago Beard on September 29, 2023 at 12:01pm

Stev G

Love what you posted about grief. I always say that grief is not something you get over but something you get through.

Comment by Steve G. on September 29, 2023 at 11:57am

If I was sure of anything about my life, IT would have to be finding this place of safety and full of wonderful people/friends who feel more like family.

Thank you one and all for being here.

Comment by Steve G. on September 29, 2023 at 11:54am

Hi Mary Jane,

Been awhile since your last post, you were worried about the fires in CA.  Hope you and your family was spared any loss.

I too get teared up watching old movies and listening to music that I know Mark loved.  Our loved ones never leave us, they are right here in our hearts and thoughts.  I have dreams where he and I are somewhere doing something together and sometimes I have dreams of our beloved dog Bella.  She seems to visits my dreams the most.  I always wake up in the morning rested and happy.

Wonderful hearing from you, take care of yourself.

Comment by Steve G. on September 29, 2023 at 11:47am


Good to hear from you, wish you could have had a better year.  Life tends to go on as we make our way from our own losses.  Maybe we are a little more prepared for these events than we realize because of our own grief.

I am now 9 years out from Marks passing, and still I find uncomfortable times I just want to run away from. 

I don't, I just go with it and let it out.

Take care of yourself...

Comment by Steve G. on September 29, 2023 at 11:35am

Dearest Marsha,

I hurt inside because you are hurting.  Families, for whatever their reasoning can hurt us the most.  I found this out this past year right after Pride Month here in the US.  My cousin posted how happy he was not to be reminded of anything related to Gay and posted a very hurtful cartoon.

I sent him a private MSG; stating that I found this hurtful and inappropriate. The response I got was ‘I love you, but…’

I wonder what kind of love it is, or am I just tolerated because of our relationship.

I think that yes, your family should have helped you out.

I also grieve for your loss of Booker, it brings back my memory/loss of my dear sweet Bella.

As Chuck stated, I too wish we could visit you.  We are about 2 and a half hours away from the Canadian Border, but we are on the wrong coast.

Life here in our little village is great, we have so much wildlife that visits our little acre.  I could spend hours watching the many birds and chipmunks, each creating a never-ending fascinating watch of hurriedness or just plain comic relief as they go about their business.  Got to see my first all-white skunk, a black squirrel, a bald eagle landing with his fish for lunch, a family of geese, one cute little fox, one confused ground hog who somehow got himself inside the fenced pool and could not figure out an escape, (he let me open the gate and waited till I moved away, then tore off running).  The deer show up for the crab apples falling in the yard...

Please take good care of yourself, I often think of you as I remember your first post to me.  You are forever in my heart Marsha.

Comment by Steve G. on September 29, 2023 at 11:01am

To all my friends here on Legacy/p>

I found this on FB of all places and in hurry to copy it I didn't copy the person or group responsible for it.  I found this to be uplifting and resonating with me:

I had my own notion of grief.
I thought it was the sad time
That followed the death of someone you love.
And you had to push through it
To get to the other side.
But I'm learning there is no other side.
There is no pushing through.
But rather,
There is absorption.
And grief is not something you complete,
But rather, you endure.
Grief is not a task to finish
And move on,
But an element of yourself,
An alteration of your being.
A new way of seeing.
A new definition of self.

“…There is absorption.
And, then the work of rebuilding of your life begins.

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on September 29, 2023 at 10:17am

Dear Mary Jane,

I'm going to listen to the song you mention - I keep hearing things on the radio that remind me immediately of Larry and can make me freeze and just let the memory wash over me so strongly it brings tears. He loved certain singers and songs from the 40's through to contemporary artists, and I kept all his CD's to play - there's something for any mood or occasion.

I continue to feel that Larry is near me, especially when I'm feeling insecure or apprehensive about something. It's as if he's whispering to me to remember how far I've come and not let fear stop me from finding pleasure in my days. I guess I have what some would call "peculiar" thoughts and questions about the afterlife and who, where. and how we would connect with those gone before us. I see us all as energy, forces that won't be recognizable or identifiable as individual humans or people, but becoming part of a whole that from this side we can't imagine or comprehend. I think that such energy and force can still interact with us in this world, and possibly we interpret those pulses as visuals of specific people because it makes us able to interpret them. OK, enough of that... 

Anyway, it's so good to hear from you, and I send hugs and love -


Comment by Charles E. Nelson on September 29, 2023 at 8:32am

Dear Marsha,

I've been starting this post for days but get sidetracked. Seeing you here makes me smile and feel like there are still folks to talk to who "get it". 

I'm so sorry about Booker, and you and Lulu will miss him terribly, I'm sure. It's sad that it is so difficult to adopt a rescue or older animal from a shelter, but it's the same here - I understand some of the rationale, but there should be a little wiggle room in some cases I think. When a person and animal will both be better off, what's the issue?

All I can say about your family moving to Calgary is to agree with Sara - they could have helped you. I also wish we were closer to visit and share stories and a laugh or cry.

When I think what it would be like if I was still alone I shudder and remember so well the feeling that life was passing around me, as though I was under some bell jar on a shelf watching the world silently through the glass. Loneliness is maybe the hardest part of grieving as we count by decades the time since our loss.  If there's someone meant to enter your life I hope they appear and bring companionship to you soon. I understand wanting an adventure - being seniors doesn't end our desire for fun and learning new things or meeting new people. It's hard here for us to meet people as friends - our mail carriers and grocery clerks are pretty much our only outside contacts except for a few folks we try seeing each month for a visit. We're not "joiners" and most folks mind their business. We've never met any of our neighbors. 

I should try sending you an email soon with more interesting details of life here - I'm going to make an effort! Meanwhile I send a big hug and love as always -



Members (1377)


Latest Conversations

Aaron Caldwell updated their profile
Nov 6
Aaron Caldwell posted a status
"Hoping to connect with other gay/lesbian members who have recently lost a spouse."
Nov 6
Aaron Caldwell is now a member of LegacyConnect
Nov 6
Heather Williamson is now a member of LegacyConnect
Oct 18

Community Guidelines

Please be respectful of others. For more information, read our Community Guidelines.

Follow Legacy

© 2023   Created by   Powered by

Badges  |  Report an Issue  |  Terms of Service