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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

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Universe

Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020. 1 Reply

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31, 2020. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

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Comment by Virginia on May 30, 2010 at 5:19pm
Tom, I'm glad your feeling better today.Tom I wonder if maybe you were in denile, I know how it is to be a caregiver for someone whose dying before your eyes every day.When you have to be strong for everyone else and get used to holding in what your feeling. I did that with my husband we knew he was dying but, didn't talk about it,so when he had the massive heart attack I truelly didn't expect him to dye like that but I'm glad is was fast and he didn't suffer the last stage of the emphysema. people don't want to talk about it so we keep it inside and that cathes up with you well need to go now see you later Virginia
Comment by Virginia on May 30, 2010 at 8:45am
Hey Tom, I hope you are ok , I don't know what to say except I'll keep you in my prayers you are so full of info and understanding and I look forward to reading your writings. lets all climb this ladder together Virginia
Comment by BoLynn on May 29, 2010 at 10:36pm
Posting just to let my feelings out. I'm angry, sad and jealous today. My sister and her HUSBAND just left for a 10 day trip to Japan. Bo and I were their traveling companions.
Comment by Virginia on May 29, 2010 at 7:38am
Hi All, Today is 13 months since I lost my husband, I am going through the everyday motions of life but, I still cry every day for him at one point or another and being home ( retired ) really stinks.I am disabled so I can't go find a job to fill part of my day and I'm not much for the computer so everyday is a long lonely day but when I am going or doing something I can't wait to get back to my prison. We use to have big cook outs that stopped some years ago,so this year we are having a big one and calling it a family reunion, my sister said she is tired of just getting together when there is a death so and truelly that usally is when we see each other. I am looking forward to it hopefully it will be a joyous day as all my family is nuts and we always have a good time when we are together. I wish for everyone on here a happy holiday and remember our loved ones with a laugh and bunch of wonderfull memories. Virginia
Comment by Jennifer Preston on May 28, 2010 at 11:52pm
Hi this is Jennifer Preston,I wrote last night about I went to my husbands grave on my page,it's hard just knowing that I'm left by myself.I don't have MY PETE to talk to anymore,I talk to him,but it's not the same.I'm left here on Earth without my soul mate.They say time will heal you.I'm only 48 years old,this just seems like a bad dream.I loved my husband so much.MY PETE was taken from me to fast.These last few days I've had a hard time dealing with things.I've got to start dealing with reality.MY PETE would want me to face life,and deal with it.I'm fixing to go to bed,I haven't slept to well lately,so good night,and GOD BLESS YOU ALL.
Comment by lindarunion on May 28, 2010 at 6:39pm
i'am glad to know i'am not the only one whose brain has turuned tomush
Comment by Yaca Attwood on May 28, 2010 at 12:52pm
I feel like a rock in the middle of a rushing stream - everyone and everything rushes by, intent upon getting to somewhere, while I remain frozen, in stasis....co-workers and others ask me, "Oh, what are you doing Memorial Day?"

Many of them are going to friends' or relatives' homes - having barbecues, picnics, beginning their summer. Some will remember those who gave their lives for their country.

I have no answer for this question....I am seriously thinking about going back to a place that I have avoided since last November - my husband's office in Corona.

Right after he died - I had to go there - to clean things up, to clear things out - I remember the forty (40) bags of material I got together for the shredder guy (but I had to get them to where the truck would come - and they were HEAVY), the one Sunday that I filled an entire dumpster by myself with things out of his office, the phone calls, the arrangements, the letters to get his office shut down, the, "what part of _dead_ do these (bank, phone company, alarm service, exterminator, City of Corona) people not get?????"

I was so relieved to have all of that behind me, and I have studiously avoided going anywhere near the place. However, since he was cremated and his ashes scattered over the Pacific near San Diego, and I don't feel like going down to San Diego, since Corona is only 10 minutes away - I thought I would go to his old office, the place that he spent so many long hours in, and perhaps I will let myself in (I still have a key, and I don't think the landlady has done anything (she lives in the High Desert) - and look around.

Or perhaps, I'll just park in the parking lot - I do not know.

Anyway - my wish is that we all have a healing, bearable and grace-filled Memorial Day, and that those around us will not flinch from our tears and our grief

Yaca Attwood Perkins
Comment by Mary W on May 28, 2010 at 9:58am
I am not directing this to anyone in particular. You might say I'm directing my comment to everyone.

I lost my husband to cancer over 3 years ago. Of course, I dealt with all of my first which were hard.

Before my husband passed away I went to a therapist. I had seen her the first time when I was dealing with the loss of my mother. I then went to her again with my father. Both times it seemed to help. I went to her again when I was pregnant with my daughter as it was a very difficult pregnancy. Alot of problems I had to deal with and talking to her helped. The next time I started going to her was BEFORE my husband passed. This time it was different. Nothing seemed to help. I kept saying "she has NO idea what I'm going through." Eventually I stopped but I still needed to "talk" to someone who understood my feelings and such. Yes I did go to the grief counselor at the hospice I had placed my husband at. But again this woman was trained to what I was going through. So I had to do something. I had to talk to someone. My family and friends didn't know how to help me. One day I sat down at my computer and googled widows/ers sites. I found one. This has been the best therapy I found. It's been 3+ years and I've met some wonderful people who get it. I attend monthly dinners with these people. I've never laughed so hard and enjoyed the company of others who are travelling this same journey as I am. Of course, everyone I've met has been a widow longer than me or even a few short weeks. But no one is judged. If you want to cry, hug someone, talk, laugh, you can do it all. They understand and will welcome you with open arms and a shoulder to cry on or to lean on. By the way, this has been easier and cheaper than therapy. Just a different type and helpful when I needed them the most.
Comment by kathleen caylor on May 28, 2010 at 7:51am
Sandralee,We all go through the motions.It's the joy I miss,the reason to live!No one to share everyday occurrences with.Will the Joy ever return??I don't know.I doubt it.I guess that's why Linda and I go around talking to them anyway.It will be 9 months on the 13th of June.Life as we knew it is gone.
Comment by Sandralee Vahey on May 28, 2010 at 7:41am
It has been three weeks now since Joel passed away from complications due to lung cancer. It might as well be a hundred years because that is what it feels like. Nothing is the same since he left. I don't do much--just sit here and go through the motions of living. There just isn't much to look forward to except one large heartache that doesn't ever go away. Everybody tells me that life goes on and things will get better. Right now I find that so hard to believe. I am very glad that I found this site. It helps to share my feelings with folks who are going through the same thing even though I cannot hear them I can read their messages and relate to each and every one. I welcome anyone who might want to talk to me and will try my best to be supportive but most of all a friend. Sandralee
 

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