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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

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Universe

Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020. 1 Reply

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31, 2020. 13 Replies

Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Michele Jul 21, 2019. 5 Replies

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Comment by Frannie Manzoni on October 13, 2009 at 2:42pm
Hi

I belong to a group in New Jersey called HOPE. I am not sure what area you live in but it has helped me immensely. I also see a therapist weekly. It is very hard but I am doing much better. It will be one year for me on 11/17/2009.
Comment by Wendela on October 11, 2009 at 11:25am
Jo, I understand the pain and the bewilderment, only too well, trying to do what needs to be done while you're grieving so deeply. Grieving seems to take up huge chunks of energy and brain power, so that sometimes the simplest of things looms up as impossible to manage, and there are so many little reminders that trigger the pain again. Yesterday, after putting back the shopping cart in a parking lot, I walked over to the passenger side of the car automatically, before realizing that I am the only driver in the family now, I won't be sitting in that passenger seat again. If you can, try not to think about what might have been different if you had known more about CPR. I try not to go there myself, or ask what if I had been with him instead of at work, or what if I'd alerted his brother to go check on him earlier when I didn't get a phone call from him in the morning. But there's no point, it doesn't help, so when those guilt thoughts or "what if" thoughts start to come up I just tell myself "STOP" and try to consciously put my mind on something else. Whatever works, I know it is different for each one of us, but I also know no one else really understands what we are going through but others who have gone through it. Hold on, hang in there, and I will too.
Comment by Wendela on October 10, 2009 at 10:59am
Like all of us here, I am a grieving spouse. I lost my darling husband, who was my true love, soul mate, best friend and life partner. He died on 9/2/09, exactly one month before our 27th anniversary and one day before our middle daughter's 23rd birthday. He had flown to be with his mother who was having cancer surgery. Her surgery was a success, but the next morning he got up and just died. That night, when he hadn't gone back to visit his mom in the hospital and didn't pick up the phone, his brother went and found him. He was only 54 years old. We are still in shock. We have 3 children, all living at home (a great blessing to me) but each one has challenges, (1 with high functioning Autism, 1 with cardiac problems & fibromyalgia, and 1 with Asperger's Syndrome) so I am the only "whole" one to take care of us all now. Except I'm not whole. I feel as if half of myself has been ripped out, and it was my favorite half. But it's gone now, and all I can do is try to rearrange the pieces of myself that I have left, to stand up around the front and outside edges of what used to be myself. So I am walking around hollow. At least I am walking around, and going to work, and trying to take care of business, driving the kids to doctor's appointments and college classes. My brain knows things will get better, and the pain will become more bearable, and I will be able to enjoy things again some day, but my heart is empty and broken. Prayer really does help, but nothing can change the reality that we're left with. Having loving, supportive family and friends helps, but nothing will take his place in my heart. I will look for a grief support group in my area, because I know no one else can understand what I'm going through except someone else who has gone through it, like all of you. I pray that those of you who are in despair with no support will find the support you need, and will hang on for now, in faith that life will be worth living again some day. Just hang on, and I will hang on, too.
Comment by Isabella on October 10, 2009 at 12:48am
My beloved Phillie passed-on suddenly on September 5th, 2009 and on the 8th family, friends and medical staff let him go in peace. Find out about what happened: http://knightinshiningarmor88.blogspot.com/
Comment by Margaret Clare Sanders on October 6, 2009 at 12:15pm
Hello to all fellow sufferers. Reading your words has helped me becasue I know that I am not alone in my grief. My darling husband passed away suddenly at home November 9 2008. He was 64 and apart from well controlled high blood pressure and diabetes, he was healthy.
I am blessed with a loving family and friends but as we all know, no-one can ever replace the loving spouse we shared our life with and that's the truth of it. I have had times when I have cried and times when I just cannot cry and I feel bad that I am maybe not showing people that I am sad and that they might think that I am 'over it"
I am trying to keep busy and that helps but coming home to an empty house is really hard. I am now starting to leave the radio on so at least there are voices. My thoughts and good wishes go out to you as we journey together.
Comment by Billie Oliver on October 3, 2009 at 6:24pm
I lost my husband June 23. We had 18 love filled years. I do not find the day to day to be the hard part, as I am busy with kids, grandkids, friends and work. Its the moments that awaken those memories of when we did certain things together.. Yesterday I closed our lake place..something Tim and I had done together for the last 9 yrs., and yesterday it was just me. I cried the whole 2 hr. drive home. Knowing the love he felt for me is here in my heart for the rest of my life and mine in his, just not together. I had not experienced such an emotionally draining day since I said my final good bye. I talk to him daily and journal as well..it helps. I find myself just writing and telling him about my day and things that happened.
My thoughts and prayers are with all who have lost their soulmates and I hope to find solace along with you..life is a journey and we still have life to live.
Comment by Helen Raulerson on September 28, 2009 at 6:09pm
My husband died from a massive brain hemmorage April 22, 2009. Needless to say my world has changed. We had been married 20 years and about the last five years he was in a wheel chair. I took total care of him and now I seem to have all this time with nothing to do. There is plenty of the routine things to be done, but all I feel is empty inside. I have plenty of support with friends and family, but my best friend is gone. I guess it has gotten a little better, but some days, like today, it is very hard to get up and put one foot in front of the other.
Comment by Craig on September 26, 2009 at 8:42pm
I COULD USE SOME HELP, my spouce and soul mate passed away in jan of 2009 im really haveing a hard time dealing with this i guess cuz there are issues involved i am dissabled and have been told by others that social security wont help its gettin bad
Comment by marilyn henderson dorris on September 26, 2009 at 1:52pm
my name is marilyn dorris. i lost my husband on july 18, 2009. he was being treated for hep c, contracted pneumonia and died very suddenly of septic shock. lately, i've been having trouble crying. i feel like i am stuck and not moving through my grief. has anybody else gone through a period like this? my life feels so incredably odd now. i think i am still in shock...i>b>
Comment by Sharon Stricklen on September 26, 2009 at 1:41am
This comment is for patsy nelson. My name is sharon stricklen and i assure you it will get better over time. My husband dies in april of this year , he actually was the third husband that i have lost and that is not easy but i am here to tell you that somehow i managed to get through it all and you will too we are here at group though to talk and share so dont be afraid to let your feelings go, it does help
 

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