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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Started by denise. Last reply by Sara Murphy Oct 10. 3 Replies

Need Advice:Grief and Chronic Fatigue

Started by Kaela Roster Federle. Last reply by Kaela Roster Federle Sep 25. 27 Replies

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Comment by Jagee' L. Valentine on April 25, 2010 at 11:38pm
To Peg and others: i am so sorry for your loss. My husband passed away 1 1/2 years ago from pancreatic cancer and it still hurts like it was yesterday. Some folks are really kind and understanding and others run like you have the plague. He was my groom and I was his bride. We said we would be married for 75 years and if after that we didn't like each other we would go our seperate way. Remember the song? Last Saturday was our 29th anniversary and he still owes me a few. I wish I could be with him to get the rest of our years together. I think most people at some point feel like they wish they could join their loved one when they have been together and have really loved each other. I am saddened by the people who are married and complain and can't stand to be around each other and I feel like I have been cheated but in the same token, I am grateful he is no longer in pain. It's hard to face the holidays, days you both enjoyed, days for the kids, the grandkids and the remember when days. We had a rich and wonderful life together and he said he had no regrets other than leaving me by myself. I too, get up, go to work, get through the day and manage but hate going home. I even got a dog, moved to another state and still am as alone as I was the day he passed. He passed the day after his 55th birthday, which birthdays were also big days for us. Even as the children grew and left, we were so looking forward to "Our" time together. I can't envision dating, who could replace him? I have been told, that you don't necessarily look for him but sometimes the grief is so tough he's all you have to look forward to. Not sure about that one. Some days its really hard to talk to someone else who has lost someone and sometimes its a help to know someone else understands. Did the counseling thing, the antidepressants; which do help by the way; and also support group-so far nothing. Friends and family are not always helpful. They come, visit at first, then get to go to their homes with their spouse, or family and then you are left in a big old empty house which doesnt show any happiness. I pray for anyone who had lost someone, be it a spouse, child or parent or someone close. It's never easy and it will take time. I know that I am here for a reason and it's not my place to decide why, but believe God will tend to me in His own time. I question alot but really try not to, why I am still here; I believe that after the life I've had (which was awful) and been given the chance to have such a great life with such a great man in my life, there is a reason; and not mine to question. I always felt he was sent to me because I always tried to be nice and do the right thing and that someday I would be rewarded and I was-with the love of my life. Some days I am able to be reasonable and feel that things will at some point get better for me, I will never ever forget or "get over" him as people tell me that it's time to do; but I am sure God will help me. I hope that you are able to find some peace or understanding that will be a comfort to you.
Comment by bc on April 25, 2010 at 8:38pm
I lost Brad very suddenly 8 months ago and I am lost. He left the house to go to the store and 35 seconds later, died at the wheel of his car of cardiac arrest. The last time I saw him, he winked and smiled and said, "I'll be home in a few minutes". Little did I know....
We spent all of our time together 24/7. We were partners at work all day, went shopping, got our hair cut, went to the gas station together, always were together, and now that he is gone, a bit part of me left that day also. Everyone tells me I am so strong, but they don't know how lost I feel inside. I go through the motions of what I have to do, but I don't feel I have the right to be happy, I don't even know if I want to be happy again. All I want is to hold him again. Does anyone else have these guilt feelings if you happen to have a "good day"?
We are all in the same position and I am glad I found this site..maybe someone can help me.
Barb
Comment by Dotti on April 25, 2010 at 8:10pm
Stella,
It has been 8 weeks since my husband died. For me it will never get easier. Tonight is such a sad night.
Comment by Stella Bochese on April 25, 2010 at 7:56pm
I'm so lonesome. It's been 1-1/2 years since my husband died. I hate beinb alone.
Comment by Virginia on April 25, 2010 at 12:57pm
Hello all today is a year my husband had his heart attack at home even though he was on life suppoet for 3 days to me this is the day he passed it's not any easier. I spent most of the night sorting thru pictures and today i'm writing his 3 children from a previous marrage that was over a few yrs. before we met it is a long story but it is time for me to do this maybe i will share the whole story at a later date i wrote it here earlier but they said there was an error so i don't want to type it all again gods speed to all and hopefully i can keep a civil tounge with my writing them but that is doutfull lol thanks virginia
Comment by BoLynn on April 24, 2010 at 12:50pm
Lois, I like the banana lumpia. I hate to cook but did so to feed my family. My Bo did all the Filipino dishes that I loved. He was a great cook. I'm half Puerto Rican, half Filipino. My Bo was Hawaiian, Japanese, Filipino. We were a United Nations family, LOL!
Comment by BoLynn on April 23, 2010 at 10:41pm
Lois, this will be my new mantra "it's not about me; it's about him." If he had lived longer, he would have suffered so much more. Thank you for the reminder. And.....ah........Lois.....do have room for me at your table?
Comment by Yvonne on April 23, 2010 at 9:35am
Lois,
Congratulations!! You will make a wonderful support specialist. You are a very kind, compassionate, thoughtful and insightful lady. I especially liked your comment that if we could pull back the curtain if we would change anything. When I think about it...probably not. Larry passed in his sleep and did not suffer. Even though it is very difficult for me now, I would not want him to suffer so that I could have him here with me longer. Thank you for that.
Comment by BoLynn on April 22, 2010 at 11:42pm
The video was cute but I'm a more of an Earth Wind and Fire girl to get my groove on.
Comment by Yvonne on April 22, 2010 at 11:05pm
Larry was the ice cream eater in the house. Just loved a big bowl with whatever he could find to put on it. I don't think I have bought any since he passed.
 

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