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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Terry Kent Mar 7. 6 Replies

Universe

Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020. 1 Reply

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31, 2020. 13 Replies

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Comment by Mary. Jane on December 30, 2021 at 6:08pm

Thank y’all so much. I had forgotten the solace coming here brings thank you for the nice comments, and for sharing your stories. . 

I hope all of u have a great New Years...and we forget this crappy year, filled with illness and fear. 

Wasn,t there a book, or movie years back that had a world like this one has been this year? One of these end of days stories?

ok the hell with this negativity. I am SOOO happy to be back among  friends...I wish you all everything wonderful. 

Comment by Todd B. Goodrich on December 30, 2021 at 5:07pm

Hello all!

A big shout out to you all :-)

I feel comfortable saying "Happy New Year"! It will be six years on Valentine's Day 2022. But I can honestly express that "Happy New Years" is now longer just a old platitude!

So don't forget to smile! Have some fun and may happy and healthy times be upon all of us here on Legacy!

Sara, so good to see you post!

Chuck, you make for a great Bard! Love your writing!

Steve, Debra, Marsha, Trina, Chicago, Steve, Steve G., Mary Jane, I wish you all a blessed Happy New Years!

Love ya,

Todd

Comment by Steve G. on December 30, 2021 at 4:29pm

Marsha,

Well, guess who is not getting any updates from Legacy, me.  I have tried all the tricks I know of to get updates into my email.  Oh well, one of life's little bumps.  Anyway, Chuck is now my mail alert.

Hope your New Year is just that, a very good New Year for you and everyone on Legacy.

Take care and may the joy of a New Year fill us all with wonder and hope.

Steve

Comment by Steve G. on December 30, 2021 at 4:20pm

Well now, another new year is upon us all, what shall we do with it?

I for one plan to take it as it comes, so much easier that way.  My days of trying to control time and life events seems to take too much energy away.  

Thank you one and all for posting, seems like old times here on legacy.

Sara, glad to hear you are ok, Mary Jane, your posts are so honest, and heart felt, you always help us all in ways you do not realize.

This past Christmas my Aunt and Uncle who are both in their nineties spent the holiday in the hospital and then rehab (still there).  They were the ones who helped my grandparents after my mom died.  I know no other parents than my grandparents and my Aunt Betty and uncle Joe. they were there for me as a baby and all through my adult life.   I am saddened by the fact that they are suffering from the ravages of time with so many health issues.  I cannot get to them right now, bust their children (my cousins) are very attentive to them and keep me updated.  Sometimes I really feel that they would be better off if they quietly passed on.  But, even having just typed that brings tears to my eyes.  

So, we just keep on keeping on as time goes by.  

Wishing you all a better New Year and hope for all of us as we move forward in this timeline.  May God bless and keep you all safe and healthy.

Steve

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on December 30, 2021 at 11:39am

Dear Sara,

Just a quick "Hello" to let you know how much my heart smiled when I read your post - not just for what you said, but for knowing that you are well and still following us here.

Even if you are behind in reading or keeping up, just an occasional word is all I ask to know you're OK - just can't stop this mother hen from clucking, as Steve refers to me - but it's only because i love you - 

Happy New Year,

Chuck

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on December 30, 2021 at 11:35am

Dear Mary Jane,

I always greatly appreciate your humor, honesty, and insights you share with us - I am drawing much strength and balance from the reawakening of conversation here, and I do feel I need it.

Good for you that you had a great Christmas - ours was stress-free, quiet, and very pleasant. I am packing away the small room decor I did, just feeling over it already and wanting to begin the year without that chore facing me. 

The way you express your anger and the thoughts it has led you to offer me such insight into my own anger, so thank you for that. Sometimes I don't know what to do with it all, and that can lead to getting a little manic, so I'm very grateful for Steve's tolerance and understanding when I make things unpleasant here - he just rides it out like a soldier, God bless him.

I understand how your feelings have changed since your first reaction to your move to today, when we're still dealing with Covid and political division worse than I remember in my life. "Why bother" runs through my brain more often than I like, but somehow I distract myself with menial chores, meal prep, and my sewing projects for my dolls. They are silent, obedient, and never bite me when I accidentally stick them with a pin, so they are good companions when I need to disconnect from the negative news of the day. 

As you know, I am an alcoholic who stopped drinking when hospitalized only weeks before Larry passed. Your frankness about breaking your own long sobriety invites me to be frank also. I was clearly told that, should I drink again, It would kill me - my liver won't tolerate any more deterioration. Honestly Mary Jane, in my darker moments I almost feel like saying the hell with it and getting a bottle - then I imagine what the reality of that would be for me, and especially for Steve. I just am so grateful for God having given me strength, guidance, and most of all loving companionship to get me through the nightmare of being so sick and losing Larry simultaneously that to throw it all away would be unforgivable. Not to mention the incredible gift of bringing me to this group, or family as I see you, to support, comfort, and sustain me all these 6 plus years. You are adult, aware, and completely honest in what you are doing, and I have no judgement or disapproval in my heart, only love and the same prayer I have for us all - that we continue healing, sharing, and remembering why we came here in the first place - to lift and support each other. 

I'm so sorry you are dealing with the amount of physical pain you are having - this no doubt contributes to your feelings of not having your stuff together, and the futility you express - who wouldn't feel that way in your position? Please continue to come here and talk, no matter how briefly or how trivial you may feel are the things you want to share - by doing so you let us know you are still here with us, and that alone is a great comfort to me.

Have a pleasant New Year's Eve, which I wish to everyone, and stay well and safe - 

Love, Chuck

Comment by Mary. Jane on December 29, 2021 at 8:29pm

Hello again, and Merry belated  Christmas everyone. I hope y’all had a non stressful holiday. Mine was surprisingly GREAT! Spent it with my daughters in-laws. OHHHH MARSHA...today, I experienced s similar thing similar to what you described. It is the 29th, Christmas is over..but I was watching a wonderful movie on Netflix about A Boy Name Christmas or something...when it was over, I felt soooo good, then SECONDS later, I burst into tears! Angry at Bob for DYING and LEAVING me alone! But what I was most upset about was now that he is gone, I don,t have him to TAKE CARE OF! It kinda just popped into my head...when he was alive, I was CAPABLE...and now, I cannot seem to get my Sh*t together! The level of anger I felt scared me! I mean, I was REALLY angry! I feel I have no purpose in this new life I seem to be stuck with.

.But maybe it is a good thing..I don,t remember getting angry like that before now...in July, it will be 3 years, since I moved back to CA from Oklahoma. The first year was great...I had energy, and purpose..but I think COVID changed everything. ,Almost a feeling of “why bother?”.  Do any of you feel like that?  If it wasn,t for my kitty, I wouldn,t bother..and also my daughter..she takes care of me, as I do not drive...but a few months ago, I broke 41 years of sobriety. Yup. I have a few beers every night. Sadly, I discovered my daughter had also started drinking again.so now, we enable each other. What a mess. More on that another time..but it seems I am spinning out of control, and don,t seem to care. Lastly, my BODY has “hit the wall”. An old injury being hit by a bus (pedestrian) has come back in spades..coupled with arthritis, I am ALWAYS in severe pain. WOW..THAT FELT GOOD TO TELL Y’ALL! Thanks for your patience. I am really happy this site, and everyone here is in my life again. 

Comment by Sara Murphy on December 24, 2021 at 9:41pm

Hi Everyone,

I wanted to wish you all a Merry Christmas.  Sorry I haven't been on in a while.   I wish I could say it's because extra fun things are happening but it's really just status quo.  I think of you all almost every night.  I go to bed and realize another day went by and I haven't checked in.  I've read some of the posts although I'm really behind so I haven't caught up on them all.  I think I finally logged on tonight, Christmas Eve, because Ken directed me here to see a sign left from him by way of Chuck.  I know Ken's always with me and sometimes uses other people to let me know he's around.  You see one of the posts left by Chuck Includes something that Ken would say almost verbatim which is "Any day I wake up on this side of the dirt is a good day".  When I read that line in Chuck's post, it struck me.

Anyway, I really hope that you are all well and enjoyed your holiday

Love, Sara

Comment by Marsha H on December 24, 2021 at 7:02am

Dear Chuck ...

What a beautiful post you left and thanks for that.  We know now all our 5 senses kick in and smell is very important.

Hugs & Love

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on December 24, 2021 at 7:00am

Dear Steve ...

You and Cuck have such wonderful artfistic value and it blew my mind when I saw it.  Oddly enough I too love doing more miniature things and I should really get back to it.

MERRY CHRISTMAS to both of you and to all of you on here.  May you be blessed with good health and better times in 2022.

Love you all

Marsha

 

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