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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

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Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Terry Kent Mar 7, 2022. 6 Replies

Universe

Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020. 1 Reply

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31, 2020. 13 Replies

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Comment by Steve G. on December 21, 2021 at 9:24am

Comment by Marsha H on December 19, 2021 at 5:30am

Dear Chuck ...

I'm so glad I could give you a chuckle.  I never want to lose my sense of humor.  I love what that lady said.  Now, as I age I tell my neighbors, friends and family 'if you're looking for me look in Ernie's rockery and if you see 'toes up' that would be me!  LOL

I don't think there is anything worse that losing a child at any age, but losing 2 while still grieving for your husband, I just can't begin to imagine the pain.  Our rainy weather doesn't help any either or this pandemic.  We do encourage each other and sometimes all I do is listen to  her and let her have a good cry.  We'll get through this together.

This site and the people on basically saved my life.  We can talk about anything without being faulted or ignored.  When you came on the site it was so easy to become friendly and then along came Steve and it just blossomed from there.  We were so happy for you both.  Love your writing and oh yes once again, 'Write a book!!!'  LOL  I bet you could kick my butt for that.  

Stay well my friend and also Steve.

Blessings coming your way dear Chuck and love to both of you.  

Love

Marsha

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on December 18, 2021 at 11:00am

Dear Marsha,

I got to start the day with a chuckle because of your comment about looking for fog from your breath on the bathroom mirror to see if you're still here. A lady I met a few years ago always answered the question of how she was with saying that if she woke up this side of the dirt, then she was OK for another day.

I'm sorry for the terribly sad and stressful year you've had. You are a good friend to the lady who lost her husband and two children - such unimaginable loss would indeed cause one to feel like she's abandoned by everyone she loves, and your understanding of her grief is surely a huge comfort and source of strength for her.

You are always in our prayers, as is everyone Steve and I have known from this caring group - without you all we wouldn't have known how to navigate our own grief, much less have gotten to know each other.

Many Blessings to you dear Marsha, and to all here - 

Love, Chuck

Comment by Marsha H on December 18, 2021 at 6:19am

Merry Christmas Todd, Chicago Beard, Sara, Trina, Chuck and Steve and hope I didn't miss anyone.  I think of all of you often and as I said in Diane's post I pray for you all every single night believe it or not.  I want all of you to have good health; keep living and keep up those good future memories. This old bag isn't down yet by a long shot!  I get up in the morning and breath on the bathroom mirror and if I see fog on the glass I know I'm good for another day.  I have my bad days, but this Irish/Scottish gal isn't going to let anything get me down and I pop right back up and ready to go.  So here is to posting in 2022.  May all of you have have a Happy New Year and praying for a better one.

Love to all

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on December 18, 2021 at 6:11am

Dear Diane C ...

Thank you for waking us up!  LOL  Seriously this has not been a good year for me.  Several of my friends have become quite ill after their shots and unfortunatley, one friend had a stroke shortly after his 2nd shot (age 52 and was healthy as a horse before that and his doctor verified it was the shots cause the problem and the worst of all is my girlfriend of 50 years lost her husband 2 years ago; 16 months later her daughter (46) passed away from cancer and 16 months after her daughter's death on Dec. 5th her eldest son passed away from blood clots after his shots and then a brain bleed leaving his wife and 2 children in their early teens.  The saddest remark from my friend was, 'I feel like everyone is leaving me.'  She has one son still healthy and has had the shots and so far so good.  I am in constant contact with my friend to help her with this unbelievable grief she is going through.  She is alone most of the time and during spring and summer when the weather has settled we visit.  With winter months I'm not good at driving at night if raining.  My friend is the same, but we do keep in touch by phone and I just let her get things off her chest and as we all know grief is different for everyone. 

I am pretty much alone with my 2 dogs and sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy with all this Covid, variants and now the new virus.  I am lucky that my sister-in-law comes every 2nd Saturday to visit.  Most of my friends are just too fearful of this Covid and now the new virus.  I am blessed that I will be going to my brother's and his wife's home for Christmas dinner and seeing my great niece and nephew.  I am thankful for small blessings.  

My 7' tree is up, but just the lights on it and this is the first year I have had to push myself to get it decorated.  I can't have my usual pre-Christmas buffet due to Covid.  

So now everyone who reads this post knows why I haven't posted.  I realize everyone has their memories of their loved ones and I don't like expressing my problems that much here.  I'm turning 80 this January/22 and I'm told I don't look it or act like it so there is hope for this wild gal yet!  LOL  I refuse to let this Covid beat me and take my happiness away.  I keep buys, try to remember my many blessings and keep my faith.  I pray a lot and all of you are in my prayers.  

Keep your chins up and have a Very Merry Christmas!  Memories are so important even now.

Love you alll

Marsha

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on December 17, 2021 at 9:40am

Hello everyone,

Thank you Diane C for waking up this site again. Hi to Todd, Chicago Beard, Sara, Trina, Marsha, and any other long time members out there. I too wonder how you're all doing and hope silence indicates positive things in your lives. Hi also to Deborah, Mary Jane, and anybody newer who may still be reading posts here.

I had a moment yesterday when I opened a box of decorations and saw Larry's favorite - a wooden Nutcracker figure. It always got a place of honor where he would see it daily, so I placed it just inside the front door on a chest I pass all day long - it's nice to see it there. I put Mark's favorite Santa candlesticks on a table next to where Steve sit's and he too appreciates seeing them there. In short, no matter the amount of time passed since our loss, the love and memories live as long as we do. I find that comforting, and hope as this year draws to a close you all find comfort and peace in your own private ways.

Merry Christmas, and to our Jewish friends a late Happy Hanukkah. May next year bring you good health and many moments of happiness - 

Love, Chuck

Comment by Chicago Beard on December 16, 2021 at 2:29pm

Thought I would drop in to give everyone a holiday shout out. Hoping that the lack of recent comments indicates that all of us are healing. Hope your holiday season is a good one. Talk to you next year! 

Comment by Todd B. Goodrich on December 16, 2021 at 12:27pm

Hi Diane,

Some of us are still here! Glad to hear from you. Hope and pray that you all are well! Shout out to Sara, Chuck, Steve, Trina, Chicago, and our dear Marsha!

Love,

Todd 

Comment by Diane C on December 16, 2021 at 11:28am

Hello everyone, 

It's been so quiet here for so long. Just wondered if you have all moved on to another site or what is going on. I don't post a lot, but I do love to see how everyone is doing, good and bad. With the holidays coming so soon, I hope everyone is coping as best they can. It's been 9 years for me, but it still feels like only a couple years instead. Life certainly is not what it used to be, but I do have a daughter who does check in on me and makes sure all is well. I am still working at 65 and plan to continue as long as I can. I don't really have any hobbies or anything. I really hate doing anything alone, so work is best for me at this point. I hope and pray that you are all well and coping as best you can.  ❤

Comment by Charles E. Nelson on November 2, 2021 at 11:12am

Hello Mary Jane,

I've missed so much the conversations here, always finding some common topic or experience that reassures me that my emotional reactions to certain occurrences aren't "out of line".

I've been avoiding watching the video I have of Larry, even though several times in recent months I've had the desire to do so. I can't actually forget his voice because, and this may be the first time I've said this here - our voices were nearly identical. This was especially true over the phone, prompting the same comments from our families and friends alike - "OK, which one am I talking to?" In most cases it was funny, but sometimes being mistaken was annoying or verging on insulting.

When Larry's  youngest daughter Kerry would call she would always reply to my "Hello" with a questioning "Dad?" When I said it was Chuck, she wouldn't say hi or ask how I was - just "Is my Dad there? after this went on for years, I finally started playing with her (especially when I was in my cups as it were). I'd say "Yes, he's right here, but tell me - how are you? and your husband and kids - tell me all about them!" This was met with a brief terse reply and asking again for Larry, but I'd persist for minutes until Larry would catch my eye and make a slicing motion across his throat, meaning "Cut it out!"

After their conversation he'd ask why I was doing that, and I'd tell him I loved aggravating her, forcing her to acknowledge the fact that I lived there too, whether she liked it or not!

I know it was small of me, but I was sharing that story with my cousin who is sadly having great difficulty coping with the loss of her long-time companion this year. His family is treating her as if their relationship was less than it was, and she's hurt, angry, and felling guilty for being bitter about it. I have told her she has the right to have whatever emotions and feelings accompany her grieving, and having their love diminished in the eyes of his brothers is a valid reason to feel dismissed and angry. I hope I did the right thing there.

Anyway Mary Jane, we will both watch and listen to our guys when we're ready and strong enough - that knife in the heart is unfortunately something I'm beginning to get used to  - but that doesn't lessen the shock or pain.

Much love and a hug,

Chuck

 

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