Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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Navigating Widow-hood

Started by Tim's Mom, Vickie. Last reply by Terry Kent Mar 7, 2022. 6 Replies


Started by Julie. Last reply by DJ Dec 6, 2020. 1 Reply

Grief so great it hurts

Started by Bonny Jones. Last reply by Diamond Jan 31, 2020. 13 Replies

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Comment by Marsha H on February 9, 2021 at 4:16pm

Sara ...  That was beautiful!  Thank you for sharing.

Comment by Sara Murphy on February 9, 2021 at 3:22pm

I saw this post on Facebook today and think it's a beautiful way of looking at our life's journey.  Thank you all for being on my train.  Although I may not be able to see you, I know you're there

At birth we boarded the train and met our parents, and we believe they will always travel by our side. As time goes by, other people will board the train; and they will be significant i.e. our siblings, friends, children, strangers and even the love of your life. However, at some station our parents will step down from the train, leaving us on this journey alone. Others will step down over time and leave a permanent vacuum. Some, however, will go so unnoticed that we don't realize they vacated their seats. This train ride will be full of joy, sorrow, fantasy, expectations, hellos, goodbyes, and farewells. Success consists of having a good relationship with all passengers requiring that we give the best of ourselves.
The mystery to everyone is: We do not know at which station we ourselves will step down. So, we must live in the best way, love, forgive, and offer the best of who we are. It is important to do this because when the time comes for us to step down and leave our seat empty we should leave behind beautiful memories for those who will continue to travel on the train of life.
I wish you a joyful journey for the coming years on your train of life.  Reap success, give lots of love and be happy.  More importantly, thank God for the journey!
Comment by Marsha H on February 9, 2021 at 5:45am

Hi Sara ...  So nice to hear from you and I know some people are busy. 

Sorry to hear you've had snowstorms.  It's going to be -12 C here in lower mainland British Columbia as an Arctic front has come in and of course threats of snow.  Right now making the best of it and bundling up the dogs and going for walks; meeting some great people and being outside at least you can have a conversation.

Working from home can be great, but I think most employees miss seeing most of the coworkers so I happy to hear you nip in every so often.  I don't think most people enjoyed the Christmas holidays that much and I admit it was a strange one for me.  I was able to go to my brother's house and have Christmas dinner there and felt blessed I had that.  I didn't have my usual pre-Christmas buffet because of Covid and of course restricted to no more that 7 people in 'you bubble.'  Even after 11 years years coming up of Ernie's passing I still miss him and have to admit no holiday is a good one without him.  I just try to make the best of it.  Like you I can hardly wait until the spring comes and love gardening and of course meet friends at parks or sometimes if there are just 2 - 4 of us we have a BBQ's or a visit.  Much more freedom during the summer if you want to call it that.

Everyone wants this Covid to go away, but with the virus from Africa and the up and down stats on cases of Covid and deaths it looks like summer will be just as restricted as last year.  Some people same, 'this is the new normal' and it makes me want to tear their lips off!  I go grocery shopping and some other things I need I order online.  

I'm doing fairly well.  I get to see my next door neighbor and my sister-in-law visits me every 2nd Saturday (sees her sister the other Saturdays) and for that I feel blessed.  Also get lots of phone calls or emails.  I am remodeling a couple of rooms in my house and that keeps me busy and of course the dog walks help.  I am retired so it's difficult to be home so much.  They had to shut-down the adoption center for dogs that I volunteer at and I really miss that.  

I too hope everyone here is healthy and staying that way.  



Comment by Sara Murphy on February 8, 2021 at 6:14pm

Hi Marsha....Sorry I didn't respond to your question last week.  Work has been beyond crazy and now I've had to deal with 3 snowstorms in a row with 2 more on the horizon.

To be honest, I'm doing ok with Covid,  I'm very grateful to be working from home so I don't have the stresses that many people have.  I do sneak into the office for a day every other week for a change of scenery.  During the warmer months, my friends and I got together once a month at a state park.  It's was nice to see each other in person but outside and spaced out.  We'll probably start that again in March.  I admit the holiday's were boring.  I did see family but in small groups so it didn't really feel like Thanksgiving or Christmas and without Ken.....

Here's hoping we can get this virus behind us fairly soon so we can all get back to some semblance of normal.  It would be nice if a trip to the grocery store wasn't a health hazard. 

I hope you're all doing well and staying safe and healthy.

Love you all,


Comment by Sara Murphy on February 8, 2021 at 5:48pm

Deb......that's the thing with memories, we have no choice but to take the bad with the good.  Hopefully for all of us, the good outweigh the bad.   Ken and I had 8 years of serious health issues and each time we thought we got through the worst of it, something new came along.  I have flashbacks of those tough times where I flash on the hospital or his suffering but we also had a lot of good times mixed in and I cherish those memories.  I too would have gladly spent many more years taking care of him but somehow knowing he is no longer suffering gives me a measure of comfort.  I hope you don't mind my sharing my perspective.  It always helps me when I see someone post about something that I'm feeling or thinking.  Before finding Legacy, I thought I was wrong for how I was feeling and that society expected us to just be ok, pick up and move on.   I'm thinking about you Deb and hope that as you navigate these next few months, you'll be able to focus on the happiest of times

Comment by Marsha H on February 1, 2021 at 4:17pm

Dear Deborah ...  I feel Greg is with you all the time.  You did the best you could and yes, all of us were lucky to have the love of our life be with us as long as they were although we realize it was far too early for them to leave us.  They left us with so many wonderful memories and from each in the marriage we learned from each other and so we carry the torch for them with the love they shared and wisdom they gave us until we meet them again and we will!  

I wish you peace, love


Comment by deborah peck on February 1, 2021 at 6:13am

The 30th of January always seams like the day life as I knew it changed forever, its the day Greg had a massive stroke and although he survived he was not the same and though I got 4 more months with him before he passed from swallowing problems and I would surely take him back anyway I could have him the period from Jan30 to may 12 is full of hard memories and good ones, 

Comment by Marsha H on February 1, 2021 at 3:39am

Dear Sara ...  You're always so sweet and encouraging and your post uplifted me a great deal.  I do believe for all of us that felt we met our soul mate we will meet again.  That of course includes you and your husband.  

How are you doing Sara with this Covid hanging over all our heads?  I know it seems to take it's toll on most of us.  In British Columbia Canada we have a little more flexability that the U.S.  We can go shopping and many restaurants are open, but most only order in food.  Theaters and churches are closed here.  Pubs are open.  Go figure!  It's not being able to see your friends, but can't complain because my sister-in-law comes and visits me every other Saturday or, if weather permitting I go and see her and my brother (we're in our own bubble), but so many nice traditions with family have had to be cancelled.  Our weather has taken a turn for the worst too and it's pouring rain, windy and dark out for most of the day.  That sure doesn't help, but I try to keep busy around the house and get lots of phone calls so that helps.  I sure find I get sleepy fast and after dinner I'm almost a gonner.  Let me know how you are doing as I think of you and everyone else on here and pray things get better for all of us.



Comment by Sara Murphy on January 31, 2021 at 6:22pm

Marsha......that's sweet.  As soon as you met Ernie, you knew you met your soulmate.  I hope you take comfort in knowing you'll be together for all eternity.   

Comment by Marsha H on January 26, 2021 at 4:03pm

Dear Chuck ...

I must have been one of those odd people who never truly experienced young love.  I did have crushes in my earlier years, but something was always missing and I dismissed it as being too young and eventually in my late teens did find someone, but deep in my heart something was amiss.  We married and it did not last and in less than 4 years we divorced.  I had the odd feeling of suddenly feeling free of spirit and that I had to find out who I was and learn from the world around me.  I dated often, but also during my freedom I enjoyed my own free time or going out with girlfriends.  I began to think I was one of these young women who wasn't meant to have a strong and loving relationship until out of the blue I realized I just knew there was a soulmate out there for me and I had no idea when, if ever I would meet him.  At the age of 26 my dear friend Tom introduced me to my Ernie and the very first meeting we looked into each others eyes and just knew we were meant to be together and the feeling over-whelmed me that we had known each other before and had just found each other again to carry on our lives together.  Now with Ernie gone I truly feel I have lost part of my soul, but believe one day we will meet again.  

Love & Hugs



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