Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

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This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.


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Navigating Widow-hood

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Grief so great it hurts

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Comment by Marsha H on April 2, 2020 at 4:25pm

Thought you might enjoy this.  It's a Mash comedy that fits in with scrubbing up, wearing masks, not touching your face and staying your distance:

Comment by Marsha H on April 2, 2020 at 3:57pm

Steve & Deborah P...

I can certainly understand your frustrations as to why others in communities are not getting the message to gear-up before going out.  Here is what is going on in British Columbia, Canada.

We have just been told to wear masks last night by Health Canada and yet I do see most people without them.

Hand sanitizers are a must or better yet gloves.  If you can't find proper gloves anywhere (thin rubber ones) you can use the rubber gloves that you would use for washing dishes.  That's what I have to wear because hand sanitizer; masks are so hard to come by.

Not visiting other people at their homes and we don't do that here.  If we have to leave food or something else for them they are left on the doorstep.  

Costco is now only allowing 2 people at a time to go into the warehouse.  Other stores have plexi-glass windows and only credit cards or debit cards are accepted and no cash is accepted.  They have red 'X's' by the till to stand 6 - 7 feet away from the person ahead of you and behind you.  All workers providing services to the public must wear masks and gloves. 

On the Canadian news last night a woman came down with Covid-19 and she had not been traveling, but she had been to one church (not many people there at all) and they figure she caught it off the bench she sat on.  They didn't give further news and I question this because because there has been no proof that this virus will go through your clothing.  However, that being said I am abiding the law and not sitting on park benches or anywhere else public.  Gear up, get my groceries and go home. 

Like you said Deborah I am sick of people taking this so lightly and there are more people out there without  masks or gloves.  Their children are at best even before this virus outbreak to be little germ carriers.  Some people are still going about their business as if nothing is wrong and not keeping their distance. It's time they started to realize that if we all don't use our common sense this virus won't leave.

I hope you are all well and are keeping busy.  I have the cleanest house on the block.  LOL



Comment by Steve G. on April 2, 2020 at 11:22am

Unfortunately, until the worst thing happens to someone they love, then they will understand.  

I find it unbelievable that the state of Florida has just issues a shelter in place, except for churches, they can still attend church is they so choose too.

I had to go to CVS for my allergy medicine Alegra D, which requires me to hand them my driver's license and sign one of those pads.  I wore mask and gloves, and I was the only person doing that.  The pharmacist and his staff were not wearing protection.  

It is scary and yet I am not scared anymore, I just do what I think is safe for me and Chuck.  We have been in self isolation since last week of Feb.  We have also cancelled our regular Dr. Appointments, all of them have more people than necessary and I just do not trust that it is safe. 

Comment by deborah peck on April 2, 2020 at 10:26am

Steve, that was good for a laugh. sounds like everyone is staying safe. I went to the store yesterday with gloves a mask and hand sanitizer, I read where a doctor said the mask wont help but also said it will remind you not to touch your face amd I am totally a face toucher. I culd not believe the people that were doing regular shopping, I mean one lady had her kids whole summer wardrobe in her cart, its crazy to me that they still don't get it, Ive only been out twice now and found it very stressful too much so to be able to shop for nonessentials , one little boy was touching all the toys trying to figure out what he wanted. I don't know what will happen in the end with all this so am praying that people wake up and realize we are all at risk and it wont stop unless we follow the rules. Be safe out there

Comment by Steve G. on April 1, 2020 at 6:33pm

Hi Legacy Family, found this on FB:

Just be careful because people are going crazy from being in lock down! Actually I've just been talking about this with the microwave, toaster while drinking coffee and all of us agreed that things are getting bad. I didn't mention anything to the washing machine as she puts a different spin on everything. Certainly not to the fridge as he is acting cold and distant. In the end the iron calmed me down as she said everything will be fine, no situation is too pressing. The hoover was very unsympathetic... told me to just suck it up, but the fan was more optimistic and hoped it would all soon blow over!The toilet looked a bit flushed when I asked its opinion and didn’t say anything but the door knob told me to get a grip. The front door said I was unhinged and so the curtains told me to ........yes, you guessed it ....pull myself together

Comment by Marsha H on April 1, 2020 at 3:58am

To My Family:

Please don't let fear take over and succumb to paranoia.  I know it's easy for any of us to feel this way because we never expected a virus to hit us this way. By no means am I taking this virus lightly, but it's so easy for people panicking and hoarding food, water and the bare necessities.  Here are a few tips I hope you may try as most British Columbians are:

Shop at meat markets instead of big chain stores (they on allow a very few people in at a time and the same below.)  In most stores red exes 6 feet apart for customers in line-ups.

Go to smaller fruit and vegetable stores

There are food services where you can order your food and the store will deliver your groceries and leave them on your door step.  Pharmacies will also deliver medications.

It is fine to go for walks and stay 6 feet away from others walking. 

Find a hobby or start cleaning out rubble in your home.  Keep busy, but also cuddle up and watch a good movie.  A little news goes a long way and the media loves to dramatize in most news and watch a fun movie or listen to music more.  You may have heard of her, but I go online to Dr. Bonny Henry who tells it like it is in a calm voice and it's not always bad news.  She encourages people to get out and walk among other things and quenches the fear without down-grading this virus.  People who have good immune systems do get over this virus.  It's those with other illness'; compromised immune system and the elderly who are more at risk.


Most people forget they have good bacteria on their skin that protects us every single day of our lives.  Cut down the showers a bit and have basin washes re arm pits, feet and of course private parts and let the rest of your skin do it's work (Dermatologist recommended.)  Use the sanitizer when leaving your home and coming home, then wash hands with soap and water and then a good hand cream.  I notice the sanitizers can cause cracking of the hands.  Before going out again wash off the hand cream  before putting on sanitizer. 

All doctors here are saying the only people who need masks are those that have a cough, sneezing perhaps because of allergies so droplets don't fall on others or stay in the air.  Others who's immune system is not compromised shouldn't wear the masks.  Those in health care of course should.

Use a safe disinfectant spray on your shoes if you feel the need to.  We have had no indication that people bring home the virus on their shoes, but if people feel better doing it then they should.

I hope this helps and if you don't want to believe me, then please good DR. BONNY HENRY.  She's worth listening to.

Hey, at my age I think this virus took one look at me and said, 'let's get out of here guys!'  LOL

Love you all


Comment by Marsha H on April 1, 2020 at 3:30am

My dear brothers Chuck & Steve ...

I am pleased to read your posts and that you are both fine.  I know for all of us be American or Canadian this whole thing is like a science fiction movie and who would have guessed.  

Keep well both of you and praying for all.  We're going to get through this.

Love & Hugs

Your sis Marsha

Comment by Marsha H on April 1, 2020 at 3:28am

Sara ...  so relieved you are OK.  I don't blame you one bit for being angry at Spring Breakers.  Some just don't get it.  We have our beaches open (to cold anyway) and 6 feet distance and most parks and of course sports fields closed off and no sports at all.  All theaters; pubs and most restaurants are closed, but we have food drive-throughs.  Grocery stores have plexi glass; girls have gloves on and all items are on your side of the counter and you can only pay by debit card or credit card.  Hand  are right to your left.  I put it on going to the store and coming out of the store and then wash my hands with very warm water and soap.  I just find it quite lonely as I live alone with my 2 dogs.  I have a few friends who keep in touch and my sister-in-law.  Isolation is the worst part and I pray this virus is soon over.

Keep well my dear friend and prayers coming everyone's way.



Comment by Diamond on March 31, 2020 at 3:10pm

The loving thing to do is to limit ones interaction among people.  If you do so you will not only protect yourself but perhaps your love ones as well.  Take advantage of this time to reflect.  Yes, reflect on your life.  Where are you headed?  What do you need to do in order to set the path in the direction you really want to go.  Do you feel a need to reach out to someone who you may have been reluctant to in the past?  Take this time to be creative at home.  Do you need to declutter?   Life is still beautiful!

Take advantage of this time to look at all of God's creations - the plants, trees, sky, sun, moon and rivers.  Listen to all that he created -- do you hear the birds singing, the wind whistling, or perhaps the trees leaves blowing in the wind.  How beautiful the sound.  The air is cleaner - the waters are clearer - there is so much peace in the sky and in the ocean,  Our earth is enjoying the break from the pollutants and the water is rejuvenating itself to a clearer state.  So amazing to see the transformation before our very eyes.  What a beautiful earth we have and how long has it been crying out to breath naturally - free of bad toxins.  

Yes, take advantage of this time to appreciate all creations!

Comment by Sara Murphy on March 30, 2020 at 7:51pm

Thanks for the tip about the shoes Deb.  I hadn't thought about my shoes


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