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Bereaved Spouses

A continutaion of the "When a Spouse or Partner Dies" thread.

Members: 1323
Latest Conversations: 2 hours ago

This might be a rough time for many of you. Do what you feel you need to do to get through it. Remember, someone is here almost all the time to talk to you.

Peace

Discussion Forum

get your ex back

Started by Monica. Last reply by Claretha Rice on Sunday. 4 Replies

I used to love long week ends.

Started by Sandfly. Last reply by Marsha H Jun 6. 2 Replies

A family of one

Started by Sandfly. Last reply by Marsha H May 31. 6 Replies

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Comment by Mary. Jane 2 hours ago
Ok, I don,t know these people, or how close you and 3
Ernie were to them...but a few years ago I discovered a very close friend of my daughters and then mine, was getting married. I had not received an invitation...whether it was the distance BOb and I now lived far from them, or she,d forgotten..but I knew I was good enough friends with her to call her and mention it. She was horrified, said I was "On the list" and I knew she wasn,t lying.. and imeadiately sent the invite, and was delighted BOb and I would drive all the way to Monterey CA to see her get married. Myself, I forget everything, and if you think it may have been an oversight, or a last minute decision for a gift, you have to go with your gut.
And, Marsha, your post sounds like you'd actually rather not go...so then, don,t! I think having that large of a family must SUCK! LOL too much drama. Do what you feel comfortable doing. Who knows..you might have a really good time...at least get a free dinner out of it. LOL Don,t forget, people don,t keep in touch not because they don,t still like us...but they don,t know what to say, so they don,t keep in touch! Kind of a puzzling circle.
Comment by Steve 2 hours ago

Dear Marsha,

The very first thought I had was this, had the invitation been delivered weeks or a month in advance; would you feel better about going or would it have made it far worse having the same apprehensions spread out longer?  I pose this question because of the specific details you have outlined.  Some of the details appear to be more than just coincidences on the surface, while some of the other details could be just as you said, a last-minute thought on the part of the couple; however, if you choose to accept the other details as something planned by forces we do not understand, then the couple had no choice late or early.  In any case, the decision ahead of you no matter which way you decide, one could haunt you, ever wondering what if I do not go, should I have?  And the other, going and having sad memories, or going and reliving your renewed vows in a way only Ernie could arrange, surely not to hurt you.

Comment by Marsha H 3 hours ago

Dear Family ...  Once again I'm in a pickle and need some constructive advice. 

My spouse Ernie's cousin is getting married on July 1st of this year.  It is going to be held up at a lodge not far from me.  I did not receive an invitation until last night when the cousin and his fiancé came up my driveway, handed me the invitation and said that they are very late and disorganized getting the invitations out.  I felt like I was a last thought as they have never kept in touch with me since Ernie's passing.  The other issue is the lodge where they are having the wedding is where Ernie and I said our vows again for our 25th Wedding Anniversary and I know it's going to make me feel sad.  On top of that the Matron of Honor and Best Man for this wedding are the same ones that stood up for us at our 25th Wedding Anniversary.  I just don't know if I can hack it and feel like it's a last minute invitation.  I won't know that many people there either.  So, any help will be great from any of you and I'll appreciate it for sure.

Marsha

Comment by Marsha H 14 hours ago

I hope all of you believe in this song.  I've left it many times before, but wanted to leave again for the newer members. 

We all wonder why we have had our spouses pass on leaving us with an aching heart and if the very breath has been stolen from us.  We see the world in a different light now.  This is my belief ...  It didn't happen just by chance that we met our spouses and they met us; it was planned!  With the great love we had with our spouses I'm a firm believer whether religious or not that one day we will see our beloved spouses again and this song pretty much says it all:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7IbQyG9PL4

I hope it gives each of you peace and BELIEVE!

Much love,

Marsha

Comment by Mary. Jane yesterday
Thank you, Micheal. Your words are very sweet. I think you do a wonderful job of expressing your feelings...and your lack of focus is a symptom of grief. I REALLY have it..and it shows up here when I start typing about a subject, and go off on a whole different area in the same post.
I don,t have ANY focus at home either, so if something is important, I have to write it down so I will remember.
Melanie is a very pretty name, and I totally believe you seeing the Mickey Mouse items are sent from her!
I talk to Bob all day long..and he REALLY helps me FIND things...I am always misplacing everything..things I just had in my hand, that I cannot find anywhere..and when I ask him to find them..I SWEAR they sort of just APPEAR! Happens every time.
Do you have days that you feel Melanie is close to you? As if she is standing next to you? I do sometimes, but mostly I feel BOb is somewhere above me, watching from afar..hopefully to protect me.
Comment by Michael Smith yesterday

Mary Jane  I hope you are having a better day. I haven't been coming here very long but i really enjoy reading the words of encouragement from everyone. 

I'm not very good about expressing my feelings though. I start to type something and lose my thought before I finish most of the time. My wife's name was Melanie and she was a huge mickey mouse fan. When i happen to see a mickey item i believe it is her saying hi. telling me she is watching over me and our boys. 

thanks

Mike

Comment by Mary. Jane yesterday
Thanks for replying. I really appreciate your responses. I am afraid I am getting addicted to this site.
Comment by Marsha H on Wednesday

Dear Mary.Jane ...  What a beautiful song, but I do think we will see our beloved spouses when our time comes.  I also believe for at least a little while they are very close to us until we have more strength and can stand on our own two feet.

I am so sorry to hear you are having so many bad days.  You always brighten up Legacy with your true love and caring so please, never think you don't have a place to go as we're your extended family and willing and able to comfort you as best we can.

Hugs

Marsha

Comment by Sandfly on Wednesday

Mary Jane I am thinking of you. How many times we forget for a second they are not here and then WHAM! We remember and it feels like it just happened. I was walking home from work tonight and I swear for a second it was all normal, there was a pretty sunset,I was going home, and David was there waiting for me. Then I remembered and I felt like a hand was squeezing my heart.It almost knocked me over. Sending you hugs and I pray that your day will be a little better tomorrow.

Comment by Mary. Jane on Wednesday
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=aBHcUv_42zI
This has been one of the most terrible days ever.sorry to hijack this site with so many posts. I just DIDN,t know where else to go.
 

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