Thank you for telling a bit of your story. A loss is hard, more than hard, indescribable. If you have never had a major loss in your life, there are no words one can offer to really ease the pain. I know that's not what you want to hear right now, but please know and understand that the people here are so aware of what you are feeling. Please allow yourself to feel every emotion, every pain. Let your tears come when they need to come. That is the beginning of letting go of the pain, in little bits and increments.
I just finished my Grief Support Classes, and while I initially balked at the idea, I'm so glad friends signed me up, made me go, and came with me, to offer support. It does make a difference when you are in a room with your peers and sharing your experience. I lost my partner Mike after a series of strokes. He and I had been together for 23 years, and I give thanks every day to God for allowing this man to come into my life. I'm not going to lie. Its hard and at times the pain seems never ending. Surround yourself with friends or people who will simply listen. Cry if you need to. There are no set rules. Take your time.
I understand you and feel your pain. Its never easy. I feel you never truly get over it, but in time learn to accept that the person you loved is no longer here physically with you on this earth. The good news is that her spirit is with you, and you will find that perfect place in your heart, meant specifically for her.
I am here to listen. Call on me anytime. I lost Mike in September, but I find that helping others does my heart a world of good. Let me know what you need. I will do my best to help you.
Thanks for the support and kind words, Paul. I'm very sorry to hear about your loss as well. Grief classes sound like a good idea. I'm glad that they've been helpful for you. I've started counseling myself but the verdict is still out regarding whether or not its helping. I think the hardest part right now is that I'm feeling overwhelmed by things that would not normally overwhelm me & I'm having crying spells that I can't seem to control. Having the support of others is so important right now. I'm glad that this website exists.
Like Paul said, a loss is difficult whenever and wherever it may occur. While I'm now retired, my field is also mental health, which, as you said, has its advantages of usually being a supportive environment.
My partner, also Tina, passed in March of aortic dissection, Type III; a very serious heart condition which had been diagnosed several years before. We were together over 28 years. We had just bought our retirement house. As I also have two elderly parents with dementia, I don't feel that I've had a lot of time to grieve although I see my psychiatrist once a month. I also have 33 years of recovery from alcoholism &, living one day at a time, has helped me cope with the worst tragedy of my life, despite knowing the severity of her heart problem.
There's a wonderful statement about "Death" that a friend gave me that has comforted me throughout the months and days. It was written a long time ago but it's so relevant. If you're interested, search for Conan Henry Scott-Holland & print it out. I carry it with me everywhere I go.
We're all on this site as we're linked together in our journey!
Peace to you!