Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Richard Straughn on June 2, 2012 at 11:55am

Chip, Darrell and Nancy,

Thanks for your kind words.  I am very down today.  My friends keep wanting me to get out and not stay home and grieve.  My partner was Jewish and tomorrow is 30 days since his burial.  The end of official mourning.  I'm still wearing my black ribbon put on by the rabbi at the services.  The torn ribbon represents the shattering, tearing, brokeness of our hearts for the loss of our beloved.  I can't bear to think that tomorrow when it's time to take off the ribbon and resume life, that I will feel any better.  I've had nothing but problems since his death in Florida.  The death certificates finally arrived three days ago.  Over a month of waiting only to discover that they had him listed as a resident of Florida not NJ.  I have had to request an ammended death certificcate because I can't probate the will here in NJ.  So nothing is going to get accomplished until that happens.  No life insurance, no bills being paid from our auto bill pay at the bank, car insurance etc. etc.  I feel like I'm losing my mind at times.  The grief and this incredible red tape that one has to go through is unbearable at times.  My friends say to relax, it will all work out and I know it will at some point.  I feel like the world is crashing down upon me and I have no control of anything.  I know I'm a control freek but it's just unbelievable how unsympathetic some are.  I have run accross a few jewels.  People who have really gone over and above to help but they have been few and far between.  I guess, I'm just venting.  I know all of you can understand this and I guess I'm feeling better for having shared this.  I have moments when I don't think I can bear all of this without Larry.  He was my rock and handled all the finances.  I'd rather cook dinner and do the laundry than that.  Now I have it all to do and am overwhelmed.  Thank you all for listening.  I feel a little better just having seen this on a page. 

 

Permalink Reply by Chip English on June 3, 2012 at 6:26pm

Richard:

I thought I responded yesterday to your message, but it must have gotten lost in the internet ether.  What I said then, before my difficult day today, was that your venting or whatever is of course fine and appropriate and you have every right to rail against the unfairness of "callously wicked and wantonly cruel" (from "Brideshead Revisited") treatment by different states.  I also meant to say that with great weather, I was out and about trying to do my best to ward of the demons.  After two days of such nice weather, nonetheless as Darrell as correctly noted, Sunday's for me are the toughest.  And no, there is no magic of course to the 31st day or the 66th day or whatever.  I am sorry you are going through all this with extra complication of multiple hostile jurisdictions and financial issues.  If sharing helps you feel better, then by all means share as you deem appropriate.  You have friends here who are going through what you are and understand your frustrations, anger, your loss and your love.

Respectfully,

Chip

Permalink Reply by Chip English on June 4, 2012 at 3:42pm

Richard. I will write something more complete when I home and not on iPhone. But for now know that my heart goes out to you. Your contribution today shows the "callously wicked and wantonly cruel" effects of laws that denigrate our relationships. Still while no tomorrow you will not feel different, Larry I believe would want you to go out and try to enjoy today's weather. As Darrell correctly notes weekends can be very tough. I am spending hours outside today on the sun to lighten the heavy mood.
With respect
Chip

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