I already know the textbook answer is that "I must save myself."  So for me those text book answers seem so impossible.  in June of 2007 I met Richard - and we were never apart until he passed on 11/5/2015 after 4 mos of stomach cancer.  When I moved to Miami with some money in my pocket and not a clue of what I was going to do with my life.  Then I met Richard and he stopped me from falling.  He caught a very lost person and we began to sail on our ship of life.

He loved and cared for me and made me feel that at least I would be alright and he would be there no matter what.  I worked and contributed and we muddled through life - After he passed away I was unable to keep up with my job and have moved back in with family in another state. Every day I wish and hope it's just a terrible nightmare.  Tomorrow is only 6 mos and I feel just as lost.  When we met I never expected to be saved per se but for a while it felt like I was.  

Now I feel so very very lost.  I am in a state I really don't care to be in.  I lost a job i just couldn't do feeling so depressed and I am also losing the house we loved and cherished.  I have almost no energy to do anything to go forward because what lies ahead isn't really what I want it seems.  

I am desperate for a muse and I fear it will never come. 

Well that's how I feel -