Gay and lesbians who have lost partners

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Gay and lesbians who have lost partners

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Recent Loss

Started by Aaron R Gould. Last reply by John DiLorenzo Jr Aug 24. 2 Replies

On March 4th, 2021, my partner Kyle committed suicide, by shotgun to the head. I found him in his car, and have been feeling incredibly anxious and alone since then. He always struggled with mental…Continue

Lost my Partner of 5 years

Started by James James. Last reply by John Baluyut Apr 18. 3 Replies

Hello, My name is Jim.   Last month I lost my partner and best friend of 5 years unexpectedly.   The grief and sense of loss is so overwhelming,    In a single instance my life has been turned upside…Continue

loss

Started by Tony Przybyla. Last reply by Kevin Dadouses Apr 18, 2020. 1 Reply

lost my partner of  42 yrs last may.  still hurts and this stay at home isolates even more. hard to move forward but am trying.  have been out of touch w/ gay community for last 15-20 yrs...due to…Continue

Looking for people who can understand my loss

Started by Amanda. Last reply by Amy Bartola Sep 3, 2019. 10 Replies

Hello, my name is Amanda. I lost my partner over 3 years ago. It was a sudden and unexpected loss. I'm still grieving and struggling with it. I came on here hoping to find people who could understand…Continue

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Comment by Shane Clements on October 31, 2013 at 4:26pm

Steve

I know exactly what you are feeling! I feel i too never appreciated Billy like I should. As you stated it was the little things that were the hardest, the ones that seemed so huge after he was gone. The feeling that someone was there that had your back, the one person in the world you could tell anything to and know you would never be judged! The one person who totally got you and loved you even though you had faults of your own. The sad feeling of not knowing what would the future bring. would i ever have love again in my life? sadly in the gay world it all too often seems we judge others we meet by their height, weight, waist size, or race or well too many things and not whats inside. I guess that realization comes with maturity and age as i too have been guilty of the same judgmental attitude. All too often it seems, and i might add it was not like this when i was 20 but seems once a gay brother or sister reaches the ripe old age of 30, they are dead anyway. Its extremely hard as i got over the bar scene in my late 20's and just plain find it hard to meet good people who want friendships first. Maybe its because i am in a smaller college town that everything seems to be geared towards the younger generation, im only 51 but where do you even meet gay men for friendship, im not sure what the answer is, but in a small town its extremely hard. So i have way too much time on my hands to think over seemingly every minute of our 26 years together and that in itself can be very painful. I initially had this feeling of despair and deep deep sadness that no one else understood. My remedy was to volunteer. All i do know although im not sure what the future will bring, i didn't want initially to even stop grieving as i felt i was betraying Billy and his memory. I am thankful for a wonderful therapist. And for finding this site. There is not much out there in the way of help for grieving gay people who lost a partner. So everyday is a struggle, but as i said the pain and feeling of despair does get better with time, and of course great friends help, a support system helps. The first year will be extremely difficult as im finding out due to the fact that it will be the first everything in 26 years without him around, Christmas, birthdays, Easter, all holidays and special dates. I wish for you a peaceful and life that is happy again real soon filled with love and smiles my friend! and know ill surely be here if you just need to talk! ok now im beginning to babble so forgive me if none of this made any sense whatsoever! Hopefully one day things will be good again!

Comment by Steve Levin on October 31, 2013 at 3:57pm

Thanks Shane.

I had the memorial a week after...same as you, cremated and no formal religious service.  While I'm happy I chose to do it, it forced me to actually face that this has happened.  Now I just feel sad  and lonely.  You never appreciate all the little things that the other person does in your life.  I miss the feeling knowing that someone always knew where I was or cared what I was doing.  Sort of like being in a little raft in the middle of the ocean.

Comment by Shane Clements on October 31, 2013 at 3:40pm

Hi Steve

I am so sorry to hear of your partners passing! It is such a shock to ones life. I lost my partner of 26 years this past April and although I know it feels like life will never be the same, and to be honest it will never be the same but time does ease the pain . I think its worse on those who loose a loved one at such a young age and unexpectedly, My partner was only 49 and would have been 50 on June 9th. It was hard to accept because his family and I together decided to have his memorial service on his 50th birthday so there was a 2 month wait to have that feeling of finality, i guess . It just seemed like one day my best friend and soul mate disappeared without any notice whatsoever and then to wait those 2 months for the service, he was cremated so there wasn't even a burial or a gravesite to visit. Just know although your heart will forever have an empty spot that things do get better. This site helped me immensely in the beginning because i couldn't find anyone who knew what i was experiencing, to others we were just friends in their minds so they couldn't wrap their heads around the fact that i was in deep pain.Stay strong and hang in there! We are here for you!

Comment by Steve Levin on October 31, 2013 at 3:22pm

Hi,

My partner of 21 years suffered a heart attack 2 weeks ago.  He was in reasonable health and only 47 years old.  I'm still in shock I think.  

Comment by geri hen on September 30, 2013 at 12:02am

Hi Kathy, I am sorry about your loss.  I lost my life partner 8 wks. ago and I am in a fog.  I'm sure you have many feelings right now and I am sure one of them is feeling sad and loss.  I know how you  feel and so does everyone else at this site.  I'm learning we are in this together and your grief is our grief. Sending you a hug and prayer.  Geri

 

Comment by Susan on September 29, 2013 at 4:38pm

Thank you Nancy. And you are right, no one can take the memories away from me. I am sorry for your loss as well. You never know what life is going to throw at you. 

Comment by Nancy Kennedy on September 29, 2013 at 10:37am

Susan:

I'm very, very sorry for the sudden loss of your partner Kathy. What a terrible tragedy for which you must deal. Although her family is acting like your a complete stranger, you know better & you also know how Kathy felt. All of those are memories that no one can take away from you. Right now, just take everything slowly; one day at a time. And, if that's too much, one hour at a time. Allow yourself to grieve. The group is hear for you. My partner, Tina, died in 2012 of an aortic dissection (sudden heart attack) after 28 years being together. Big hug! Nancy

Comment by Susan on September 29, 2013 at 10:22am

Hi everyone. I lost my partner Kathy on 8/22/13 due to an accident at work. She fell down a flight of stairs and apparently died instantly. I'm trying to deal with that as well as the fact that her family has thrown me away as though I never existed. All I did was love her with all my heart. We were to be married next year. Thank you all for listening.  Susan

Comment by Scott on August 28, 2013 at 7:56am

Sandy,

My thoughts are with you.  Like John mentioned you are now a member of a tribe who are making our way through this surreal experience.  Each of our experiences have their uniqueness but we all share the common ache and emptiness.     Even though we may only communicate electronically, we are here and you are not alone.

I, too, have an elderly dog so I understand what you shared about the love and companionship during this time but also a bit of anticipatory grief for when Murphy does pass.  Shower him with love and he will do the same.   

I know it is a trite statement but be gentle on yourself and take it minute by minute.    Sending you good thoughts and comfort.   

Comment by Sandy Smith on August 28, 2013 at 4:48am

My partner of 17 years died in our home, in my arms on June 10th.  I have never known such desolation, loneliness and heartache.  Her sons came from Mississippi, claimed the body, had her cremated and took the ashes home with them.  Never gave me a look back.  If there was a memorial or remembrance service  I certainly was never informed of it.  I come home to an empty house and walk from room to room and just don't know what to do with myself.  The mere sight of her belongings is painful and often makes me cry.  I walk around talking to her as if she was here.  I was her caregiver for sometime now and while those duties no longer exist, the time to do them does.......I am just very lost.  I am also feeling the burden of maintaining a two income home on one income now.  I am also caring for the dogs we shared, Murphy and Sadie, and they are indeed a comfort but Murphy is 14 years old and I fear that my next loss won't be that far off in the future.  I am about 2 1/2 years out from my own retirement and honestly don't know what direction to go now.  I have a son and a daughter but both live in different states from me, my parents are deceased, and my sibling are scattered across the country.  Thank you all for listening and caring.  I am glad that there is a site such as this for our community.

 

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