Gay and lesbians who have lost partners


Gay and lesbians who have lost partners

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Recent Loss

Started by Aaron R Gould. Last reply by John DiLorenzo Jr Aug 24. 2 Replies

On March 4th, 2021, my partner Kyle committed suicide, by shotgun to the head. I found him in his car, and have been feeling incredibly anxious and alone since then. He always struggled with mental…Continue

Lost my Partner of 5 years

Started by James James. Last reply by John Baluyut Apr 18. 3 Replies

Hello, My name is Jim.   Last month I lost my partner and best friend of 5 years unexpectedly.   The grief and sense of loss is so overwhelming,    In a single instance my life has been turned upside…Continue


Started by Tony Przybyla. Last reply by Kevin Dadouses Apr 18, 2020. 1 Reply

lost my partner of  42 yrs last may.  still hurts and this stay at home isolates even more. hard to move forward but am trying.  have been out of touch w/ gay community for last 15-20 yrs...due to…Continue

Looking for people who can understand my loss

Started by Amanda. Last reply by Amy Bartola Sep 3, 2019. 10 Replies

Hello, my name is Amanda. I lost my partner over 3 years ago. It was a sudden and unexpected loss. I'm still grieving and struggling with it. I came on here hoping to find people who could understand…Continue

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Comment by eric johnson on August 15, 2015 at 8:25am
I was lucky enough to have him wake up and say goodbye to me and I knew that it was only going to be in a matter of another couple hours I just didn't want to watch him Gasp for his last breath but I still feel selfish for. Not being there to hold his hand when I could have been
Comment by eric johnson on August 15, 2015 at 8:22am
It took me three hours to leave the room that night because I knew you were going to go it was a little bit selfish because I want to my last memories of him until you buy that we had not gasping and gargling fail like I knew it was going to pay when I did leave the room I got home prayed to God to take them into hours later they called me and told me he was gone I just feel little bit guilty I didn't stay to the very end that's all
Comment by eric johnson on August 15, 2015 at 8:21am
Comment by Steve Feldman on August 15, 2015 at 1:52am

Eric,  Thank you for your condolences. Yes, you knew it was coming BUT NOT WHEN. You cannot have second guessed that it would have happened before you returned to see him, yet again,  the next day. Our minds just block out such a possibility. It was pure Fate that an ICU doctor called me with the news in time to be with my love when he passed. As I said, he was comatose and I do not know if he sensed my presence. He died on his actual 75th birthday and I believe he held on until I could be with him then as a special gift to ME. We were partnered for 50 years and then married for an additional 3 years. So we had previously, thousands of times, told each other of our undying love just as you partner had told you, along with those 5 kisses, shortly before he passed. You must stop feeling any guilt and only concentrate on holding all the deep love for him in your heart and sweet memories in your mind. Your souls will join in eternity. True love never dies. it is eternal.  Never doubt that.

Comment by eric johnson on August 15, 2015 at 1:19am
And Steven case I haven't mentioned it before I'm truly sorry for your loss I'm glad you were there every day for him I'm sure he really appreciated that and so did you
Comment by eric johnson on August 15, 2015 at 1:18am
But thank you Steve I do agree left this world knowing I loved him and that means to world of difference to me
Comment by eric johnson on August 15, 2015 at 1:17am
But that's the thing I knew he was going to die that night I've been with him for 14 hours 15 hours and I knew it was coming I just didn't want to wait anymore probably because at one point he woke up gave me five kisses pulled me close and said I love you and that was how I wanted to remember him but yet still I wish I stayed till the end
Comment by Steve Feldman on August 15, 2015 at 1:11am

Eric, You were not with your beloved when he actuaklly  passed because you, like I, could not foresee the possibility that he would go so unexpectedly.  He was always waitng for me when I came to vsit him yet another day.  I did not stay the night with my spouse just before he died but got a call from medical staff in the ICU in the AM that he has rapidly failing. I rushed to the hospital to be with him. So he died in my arms. But he was comatose and I do not know if he sensed I was witrh him. All I could do was hold him tightly until ICU staff led me away. I whispered to him how much I loved him and it was okay to let go; to enter eternal rest and peace. I felt his life slip away. He had put up such a valiant fight against Leukemia for 10 months and suddenly he was gone. You cannot feel guilt but must hold all wonderful memories of your happy lives together in  your mind to sustain you and keep his memory alive. He lives on in your mind. I am sure you were in his thoughts while he was still lucid and he knew of your total love and devotion and left this world knowing that.

Comment by eric johnson on August 15, 2015 at 12:49am
I want to know why I feel so guilty. Guilty for not being there the very moment he died, guilty for not sleeping at the hospice every night and guilty I wasn't there to hold his hand when he passed. I just spent 15 hours there so why do I feel so guilty?
Comment by J Greene on August 12, 2015 at 5:26am
Sorry for your loss. My spouse passed away January 10th 2015. This passed month or so has been worse than when it first happened. I've started reading books on grief support, and will be getting back into grief support this month, along with seeing my therapist again. Have you tried grief therapy? I have realized, what someone told me when he first passed away. People will say some very hurtful things, because DEATH is a very uncomfortable subject, even though it's a part of life.

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