Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by justagirl on October 6, 2009 at 9:32pm

I lost my mom on september 18th of this year. I too am having a hard time in dealing with this loss. I feel like there is nothing let for me in the world and my mom is the only one who ever loved me. She was the only one in my life that I trusted and now there is nothing. I am getting some grief councilling once a week and pulling on doctors and anyone who can help me through this time.

You have a sister and a brother. I have a sister and brother too, I am in the middle. I hope the three of you can become closer and build new memories together and live the life your mom would want. I am trying and it isnt easy without her.

I feel like I am dying inside without her and I cant go on, but I will and have to for my mom. It is what she would want and would want the same for you. My mom is still my best friend and I dont know what I can do without her but going on is what she would want. I also cry every day and sometimes beg for her to come back to me. She is such a wonderful person and gone or not she is always in my heart.

Jill

Permalink Reply by Stacey on October 7, 2009 at 7:32am

Hi, my mom was also very sick. She died December 30,2008. I am not going to lie to you and tell you the pain goes away, cuz for me it has not. Each day just gets a little bit easier. I used to come home and look on the caller ID, thinking I missed her call. I was in the deepest depression of my life. She was everything to me. The day she died was the worst. She had chronic neuropathy, diabetes, and lots of heart problems. Th last day she was here on earth was difficult. I got to the hospital around 6:00 p.m. I told here I loved her, and said sorry for being a rotten kid when I was little. About thirty minutes later she went into cardiac arrest and they sedated here for about 12 hours. As the long hours past through the night I kept praying she was going to make it through, she was Mom, ya know. She passed away at 12:43 p.m. I lost it, my knees hit the floor and I just cried. I was like that til mid April. I layed on the couch all day til it was time to pick my son up from school. The pain is still in my heart everyday. I have to remember, yes she would not want me to be so sad. And she would aslo want me to go on with my life. It hurts though, so bad. I listen to a song bout a month ago. and it made be happy and sad.. "Sissy's Song" by Alan Jackson. You may find comfort in it. I will hope and pray for you, that each day gets easier for you... YOu are deffinitly in my prayers. and yes you were a good son to her. My pastor said to me.. in order to have greive... you had to have had something and loved something and then lost it. Thats true, no denial there. Again my prayers are with you.... message me anytime you need to talk.

Permalink Reply by Wayne Otto on October 7, 2009 at 9:24am

I am trying to get over things but each day it gets harder i also lost my partner 3 years ago --so now i'm in this big old house alone i never felt like this before i am trying to clean out the house mom was a pack-rat but that to is hard

Stacey said:

Hi, my mom was also very sick. She died December 30,2008. I am not going to lie to you and tell you the pain goes away, cuz for me it has not. Each day just gets a little bit easier. I used to come home and look on the caller ID, thinking I missed her call. I was in the deepest depression of my life. She was everything to me. The day she died was the worst. She had chronic neuropathy, diabetes, and lots of heart problems. Th last day she was here on earth was difficult. I got to the hospital around 6:00 p.m. I told here I loved her, and said sorry for being a rotten kid when I was little. About thirty minutes later she went into cardiac arrest and they sedated here for about 12 hours. As the long hours past through the night I kept praying she was going to make it through, she was Mom, ya know. She passed away at 12:43 p.m. I lost it, my knees hit the floor and I just cried. I was like that til mid April. I layed on the couch all day til it was time to pick my son up from school. The pain is still in my heart everyday. I have to remember, yes she would not want me to be so sad. And she would aslo want me to go on with my life. It hurts though, so bad. I listen to a song bout a month ago. and it made be happy and sad.. "Sissy's Song" by Alan Jackson. You may find comfort in it. I will hope and pray for you, that each day gets easier for you... YOu are deffinitly in my prayers. and yes you were a good son to her. My pastor said to me.. in order to have greive... you had to have had something and loved something and then lost it. Thats true, no denial there. Again my prayers are with you.... message me anytime you need to talk.

Permalink Reply by justagirl on October 8, 2009 at 11:54pm

Wayne, is there any way that you can get some grief councilling or speak with someone? It is really important to call on people as much as you can and get out and see them. I know it is hard. I go out and could burst into tears at any moment and I do. I was at the drug store today looking for cards for a baby shower and thought of my mom and how she should be here with me looking for cards and attending the shower with me. She went far too soon. My mom had cancer and the last night of her life I was the only one in the room with her. Every 10 minutes she was screaming in pain and I could only give her another dose of morphine through a pump every 20 minutes. she was in so much pain and she was such a beautiful and giving person. She was only 64 and went before her time. She was not ready to go and insisted until the last 8 hours that she go to the washroon on her own. we carried her to the toilet or I lifted her as best I could. The nurse who has been dealing with cancer patients for 25 + years said she had not seen someone fight death and be in so much pain in her entire career. It was a horrible way for such a loving and caring person as my mom was to go. I still can not face it completely and keep wishing she was with me. My mom died at 9:55 at night and I was holding her hand.

I really think you should see someone to help you through this, so you can remember the good in all this and perhaps deal with the loss of your wife as well. Call your brother and sister. Make a point of getting out every day and spending it with someone. Do something new. go somewhere you have not gone before. We all need to be distracted at times and try and focus on the good times. I am having a hard time getting past the pain of the last year and my loss as well as the loss of everyone who knew her. I love my mom with everything I am and she was the only one in my life who loved me. I dont think I showed her how much enough of the time. I have so many regrets but I will work through it.

there are people out there who volunteer to help people such as yourself. I am not sure where you live or where you are from. I am in Canada and we have a service here called Victoria Order of Nurses. They do have grief councilling that is offered for free. If you are in canada you can look them up and get in contact with them in your area. http://www.von.ca/

If you are in the U.S. I can try and find something or some services online for you that are hopefully also free. Make an appointment with your family doctor and see if he can be of some help for you.

Maybe your local church has something you can get involved in that will help you as well.

Let me know.


Jill

Permalink Reply by Tom on October 9, 2009 at 7:35pm

It will get better with time you may never get over it just take one day at a time .I lost my mother in june 2008 im still not over it but it does gets beter with time i see someone to help me just take the time .

Permalink Reply by Andrea on October 14, 2009 at 8:53am

Wayne,

I know how you feel I lost my mom in August, two days after my birthday and I spent time with her the night before she died. She wasn't sick that I knew of but after the autopsy I realized that she was. I regret not making her go to the doctor when she complained of being tired and hurting. We all thought it was because she worked to hard. My mother and I were inseperable. She was my best friend,the only person that knew me inside and out. I never had to speak a word and she knew what was on my mind. I could tell her anything and know that whatever she said I never had to second guess it. I was suppose to protect her through everything and she died alone. I miss her so much and every year I have a birthday I will always be sad because she died two days after my 29 birthday. She never got to see me get married but she did get to take care of and have a motherly relationship with my son, which she loved dearly. All I can say is continue to be strong. Whatever you are feeling its okay. My mother was my safety net and now that net is gone. I have to be strong for my son because that is what she would want me to do. So stay strong Wayne and know that you are not alone in this battle to find happiness again in this life.

Permalink Reply by Wayne Otto on October 14, 2009 at 9:09am

Andrea said:

Wayne,

I know how you feel I lost my mom in August, two days after my birthday and I spent time with her the night before she died. She wasn't sick that I knew of but after the autopsy I realized that she was. I regret not making her go to the doctor when she complained of being tired and hurting. We all thought it was because she worked to hard. My mother and I were inseperable. She was my best friend,the only person that knew me inside and out. I never had to speak a word and she knew what was on my mind. I could tell her anything and know that whatever she said I never had to second guess it. I was suppose to protect her through everything and she died alone. I miss her so much and every year I have a birthday I will always be sad because she died two days after my 29 birthday. She never got to see me get married but she did get to take care of and have a motherly relationship with my son, which she loved dearly. All I can say is continue to be strong. Whatever you are feeling its okay. My mother was my safety net and now that net is gone. I have to be strong for my son because that is what she would want me to do. So stay strong Wayne and know that you are not alone in this battle to find happiness again in this life.

Permalink Reply by Wayne Otto on October 14, 2009 at 9:13am

that has to be hard my mom and i were together all the time and when something was wrong i always took her for help
it does not matter we saw lots of Doctors for different things but she still died as a suprise so making your mom go to the DR may not have helped
thanks for sending me the note

Wayne Otto said:

Andrea said:

Wayne,

I know how you feel I lost my mom in August, two days after my birthday and I spent time with her the night before she died. She wasn't sick that I knew of but after the autopsy I realized that she was. I regret not making her go to the doctor when she complained of being tired and hurting. We all thought it was because she worked to hard. My mother and I were inseperable. She was my best friend,the only person that knew me inside and out. I never had to speak a word and she knew what was on my mind. I could tell her anything and know that whatever she said I never had to second guess it. I was suppose to protect her through everything and she died alone. I miss her so much and every year I have a birthday I will always be sad because she died two days after my 29 birthday. She never got to see me get married but she did get to take care of and have a motherly relationship with my son, which she loved dearly. All I can say is continue to be strong. Whatever you are feeling its okay. My mother was my safety net and now that net is gone. I have to be strong for my son because that is what she would want me to do. So stay strong Wayne and know that you are not alone in this battle to find happiness again in this life.

Permalink Reply by Wayne Otto on October 14, 2009 at 9:17am

everyone tells me it will get better but mom died the early part of July and for me it seams to be getting worse i cry at the drop of a hat i have never been like that
my partner died in my arms 4 yrs ago and i took that better

Tom said:

It will get better with time you may never get over it just take one day at a time .I lost my mother in june 2008 im still not over it but it does gets beter with time i see someone to help me just take the time .

Permalink Reply by michelle foster on October 17, 2009 at 9:38pm

i lost my mom 2 suicide a year ago on the tenth. she was my best friend i dont really know how 2 live without her i feel like it gets worse with time not better. i have nightmares of the day i found her im just overwhelmed with grief and guilt because i dint find her in time. i understand how you feel like your mother my mother was such a loving thoughtful woman she was so amazing and imiss her!

Permalink Reply by Margaret on October 18, 2009 at 10:26am

Hi, I too lost my mother 2 years ago, it isn't easy but moms would not want us to
keep still..... Keep her memory alive and celebrate her life by doing for others and
pray for her and she would want you to be happy.... she sounds like a great lady and a great mother.....No material thing is as important as your beautiful memories and your time spent together... Remember her to Jesus and God Bless you, wishing you the best.... take this journey one day at a time.... Margaret

Permalink Reply by Pam Mosley on October 19, 2009 at 7:21am

justagirl said:

I lost my mom on september 18th of this year. I too am having a hard time in dealing with this loss. I feel like there is nothing let for me in the world and my mom is the only one who ever loved me. She was the only one in my life that I trusted and now there is nothing. I am getting some grief councilling once a week and pulling on doctors and anyone who can help me through this time.

You have a sister and a brother. I have a sister and brother too, I am in the middle. I hope the three of you can become closer and build new memories together and live the life your mom would want. I am trying and it isnt easy without her.

I feel like I am dying inside without her and I cant go on, but I will and have to for my mom. It is what she would want and would want the same for you. My mom is still my best friend and I dont know what I can do without her but going on is what she would want. I also cry every day and sometimes beg for her to come back to me. She is such a wonderful person and gone or not she is always in my heart.

Jill

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