Anyone with significant other who cannot understand your grief because they have not yet experienced it?

I lost my wonderful Daddy to brain cancer August 11th of this year. My grief comes in waves - one day OK, one day I am torn apart. I am having a difficult time getting life back on track in many ways, and I am usually fine with that. It has been an incredibly difficult year and I need as much time as I need. But what do you do when your partner, who by all means is a wonderful, loving, supportive person, but has never experienced the death of a parent, cannot understand grief and its many side effects?

I have lost count now of the disagreements we have had. I of course fly off the handle because I am so sensitive about it, and quite frankly, a bit selfish as I feel entitled to get through this any way that I can. I finally had to insist that we avoid discussing anything about this past year unless he could tread very lightly. All of the decisions I made, etc. were mine to make and until he lived though this experience I did not need his judgements because all it was doing was making me want to distance myself from him. I then excused myself, and told him I was going to get the rest of my tears out in private in the backyard. So far it seems to have sunk in. One part of me feels like "poor guy, dealing with crazy me", and another part is just enraged that someone I plan on spending my life with can be so oblivious to the biggest loss in my life thus far...my Daddy "Daddio".

Has anyone else experienced this? Is it pointless to expect someone untouched by the death of their parent to ever understand? Should I be moving through my grief faster? I would love some input as this issue has really gotten to me. Thank you and peace to you all in this holiday season...the first without my sweet Daddio.

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Replies to This Discussion

Bobbi, I am having a similar problem with my boyfriend. He and I have been together for 6 years and I lost my dad this October 6th... i feel distant from him lately because of my grief. I've developed a jealousy towards him because he continues to go through his days so carefree... while I go through mine with an incredible sadness that seems so deep within, I can't even reach it to make it better. I just feel different inside, changed from this loss in so many ways. I used to be happier... but now I just feel lost. I get angry because I feel like he doesn't understand me anymore... and I think the same thing... like he must be tired of hearing me cry, like I'm going to drive him away or something. I mean who wants to be with a sad person? ya know... my father would always say, "This too will pass"... but ever since he left... all I can think is... I don't want this to pass! I just want him back. So... I know that I haven't offered much advice but I can relate with you a little. Wouldn't it be horrible to damage our relationships with our grief? I know that my father wouldn't want that for me... so I try to be happy and get through my days.. but please believe it's simply that... getting through... not living each day as much as I can... but just getting through.

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