I am so sorry for the loss of your Mom. Your Mom sounds like she was like my Mom—a strong, capable woman. In my own life I have to realize that though my Mom was strong—she couldn’t be that way all the time. I know I can’t. And neither can you. Over the years, Mom confided in me and relied on me too, and I know and hope I helped her through difficult times. You have been strong for your mother (and sister) for so long and it’s okay that now you are feeling vulnerable. I spoke to old friend last night. Her mother passed away from cancer 30 years ago. Yet, my very, very strong, talented friend told me that 10 years ago she experienced what she called a second “wave: of grief. It came seemingly out-of-the-blue and was what she described as another layer of emotions that she hadn’t dealt with at the time of her mother’s passing. It confirms what I already knew in my heart and reading comments on this website has given me insight into—it’s a life-long loss and it’s going to be with us always. I have haunting images of my Mom’s final days, the expression in her eyes, things the doctors said in front of her assuming she couldn’t hear them, and so many painful emotions that I can’t process right now. I am terrified and in anguish at the thought of that journey. I’m struggling after 3 weeks with the simple physical reality of Mom not being here. You are strong like your Mom said and reaching out for help in a way that makes you feel better wouldn’t let her down. She would understand. Please know my thoughts and prayers are with you on your journey and contact me if you need to ‘talk’—Lisa (JunePeony)
First, I want to say that I am very sorry for your loss. Your mom sounds like a wonderful woman who raised an intelligent and compassionate daughter. I related to your post because of the similarity in your mom's and my father's passing: my father had parkinson's disease but died very unexpectedly. Sometimes, I think that the "unexpected" part makes it even harder to mourn purposefully. Does that make any sense? One book that has been particulary helpful for me is entitled I Wasn't Ready To Say Goodbye. It deals with some of the issues of an unexpected death and grieving.
One of the hardest things for me is the tragic replaying of final events and finding my father dead. It is like some horrible video is on a horrifying loop playing over and over in my mind. It is especially hard on Saturdays (the day he died and I found him) and my husband calls Saturdays the "bad days" here at home. While nothing is as terrible as that first day -- that first week -- I have found that it has not yet gotten easy. I don't think it ever can. I am living in a world without my beloved father. How can that ever be right?
Anyhow, I just wanted to touch base with you because I relate to so very much of what you write. I don't know if it helps you -- but it helps me to know that I am not alone in these feelings. I don't know if we will ever be "normal" again -- but I am hoping for a new normal that doesn't include crying every day -- and hopefully smiling instead when thinking of my dad.
Today, I will be content to cry, I suppose.
Love to you.
I'm sorry for your loss. I truly understand. I lost my Mom to pancreatic cancer December 18, 2009. That was the worst day of my life. She too always told me I was strong. I try to be the strong one and I hurt too inside. Now the stress of the last month is taking its toll on my health. So, I will be going to a therapist, going for walks to clear my mind and spirit, writing in my journal my memories and feelings about my Mom. Because I just lost my Mom, I don't know how I will be in 5 or 10 years from now. I do know that Mom would want me to continue on. I believe that those who have left us want the best for us and want us to be happy and continue to live and love. One day we will see our loved ones again... but until that time, keep healing, loving and living.
Be Blessed and take care.