I lost my dad suddenly on 12/30/09. He was in Arizona at the time with my mom, oldest son, sister and nephew. I received a call from sister as my the paramedics were working on my dad. I felt so helpless being so far away. My father had been ill with diabetes for over 30 years, but took a turn for the worst two years ago when he had his leg amputated, and the just last year had to begin dialysis. I knew by just looking at him over the last year how tired he looked. When he left for Arizona, I mentioned to my mom before they left that I had a feeling he was not going to come back. Little did I know that I would be right on with my feeling. My parents were married for 41 years and although they had their ups and downs, they had a very special marriage. I think that in his mind he knew this would be his last trip to a place that he loves so much. I last saw on December 21 the day before they left to Arizona, and I was so emotional, and I still remember the look he gave to me. Almost like he followed me with a smile, but a peaceful smile. I left the house feeling very upset, and with a gut feeling that I would not see him again. I last spoke to him on Christmas day. We joked a bit, and the last thing I told him was that I loved him. He did not hear me, since over time his hearing had been going as well. I hope that he knows that although he didn't agree with many of my decisions throughout my life, that I was proud to have him as my dad. I will love him and miss him all the days of my life.

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Replies to This Discussion

I am so sorry for the loss of your father. I too lost my father suddenly on August 22 of this last year -- and it has been devastating to me. I hope your journey through the grief is as peaceful as possible.

Anyhow, I just wanted to leave a quick response to let you know that I had read your post and that you are not alone. I know all to well the love and loss of a wonderful father and I am truly sorry we share this bond.

Kathryn
I lost my beloved Dad almost a year ago. He was very young and passed away from cancer. I just wanted to say I am sorry for your loss. Remember his peaceful smile and that the last words spoken were of love. I'm sure he know you were proud of him.I will remember my Dad's last words to me forever...

Your beautiful memories can never be taken away.
I lost my father 1/15/10. Could not believe he is gone. Spent time with him for the Christmas and New Year holiday. We had so much fun. Spoke to him the day before we died like always. No idea he would die so suddenly. He won his battle with prostate cancer four months ago, only to die in the kitchen at 1:11 am from a heart attack. We had my father service saturday. Feeling of emptiness and sadness are my only emotions now... Thank you, for sharing your story about your father. Joined the group tonight. Hope it will bring a little peace to me.
I am so sorry that we all share the loss of our fathers. I miss mine every single day. He was such a great dad -- and I feel like a lost little child without him.

Peace to all of you today.

Kathryn
I am sorry that we lost our dads. Dad won his fight against colon cancer in 2008.
On Dec.7 dad went into the ER with a urinary problem. He was admitted, the next day I left hospital at 4:30pm. I got called back at 5:05pm he went into cardiac arrest. I had just told him if he wanted to leave I was there with him not even a minute later he went into cardiac arrest again. He passed at 10:08pm while I was there with him holding and kissing his hand.
My sincere condolences to you and your family. I just lost my father as well on 12/20/09. The pain in so unbearable. I don't know how to get through some days. My dad had 2 heart attacks in Sept. 09' and just went down hill from there. It was so difficult watching him deteriorate every day. I was just able to go back to the cemetery last week, the first time since the day after the funeral. I completely understand where you're coming from as far as your dad not always liking the decisions you made. It seems I went down that road too many times. I carry alot of guilt from some of it too.
I sure hope that you can start to smile again. If you have the opportunity to seek some kind of grief counseling I would highly recommend it. I have sought out a counselor as well as joining a grief care group at our church. God Bless and good luck to you
I also lost my Dad on 1/15/10, but to Adenocarcinoma. He was admitted a week before for blood clots in his legs, and we did not know it was cancer until 4 days later. We had just completed a successful elk hunting trip and he did his part in carrying 2 elk out of a canyon. He was 58 and strong as an ox. Dad was my best friend, my hero and my Dad at the same time. The strongest, most wise man I have ever met. He didn't suffer too long. My mind is a mess. I have been going through pictures for his memorial service slideshow for 6 days after work. I feel haunted. It is difficult to sleep and hard to keep a happy face to those that mean well. I miss him so much it physically hurts. This is the most difficult thing I have ever had to go through. I have a wife and 3 children that I am trying to help through this, and it seems as though I am a hypocrite because I can't even control myself. It has gotten a little easier to deal with, but my thoughts are always on him. If I am not busy, my mind wanders through memories. I hope this is normal. All I can do is keep trying to think that I need to give my children the same thing my father gave me. That is his legacy. Unconditional love, understanding, care, sympathy, knowledge, friendship, guidance, strong ethics and morals, and the most important thing, home. This tragic loss to humanity is affecting many people that he touched over the years, so I know I am not alone.
Hi Ric, I read your post and I was touched by it. My Name is Lisa and I lost my mom on 12/2/09. I want you to know that you are not alone in your feelings and yes, what you are feeling is normal. Your words were almost a mirror to my post when I joined the Legacy forum. It sounds like you not only lost you dad but you lost your best friend too. That is a lot to handle. I have days that are ok, days that are just fine and days that there are not enough tissues in the world for the tears that I cry. I too have days when I feel physical pain. Others on this site do to. My friend you, are not alone. There are people out there who truly understand. Don't try to rush yourself through the grief process. My mom was in my life for 42 years. I am not trying to be over her in a month or two! Take your time, cry your tears, let God comfort you through the support of you family and friends. Don't feel guilty because you are hurting. These are natural, normal emotions. Give yourself time. Don't hold your feelings back. They are real, they are honest. You have your dad's strength and love to guide you. Remember all the life lessons he taught you. I know he is proud of you because you are reaching out. This site has been an awesome support for me and I just "joined" yesterday. I hope that you can find some peace, get some rest and take care of yourself. Our parents would want it that way. I am sending you hugs and prayers.... Lisa

Ric Lewis said:
I also lost my Dad on 1/15/10, but to Adenocarcinoma. He was admitted a week before for blood clots in his legs, and we did not know it was cancer until 4 days later. We had just completed a successful elk hunting trip and he did his part in carrying 2 elk out of a canyon. He was 58 and strong as an ox. Dad was my best friend, my hero and my Dad at the same time. The strongest, most wise man I have ever met. He didn't suffer too long. My mind is a mess. I have been going through pictures for his memorial service slideshow for 6 days after work. I feel haunted. It is difficult to sleep and hard to keep a happy face to those that mean well. I miss him so much it physically hurts. This is the most difficult thing I have ever had to go through. I have a wife and 3 children that I am trying to help through this, and it seems as though I am a hypocrite because I can't even control myself. It has gotten a little easier to deal with, but my thoughts are always on him. If I am not busy, my mind wanders through memories. I hope this is normal. All I can do is keep trying to think that I need to give my children the same thing my father gave me. That is his legacy. Unconditional love, understanding, care, sympathy, knowledge, friendship, guidance, strong ethics and morals, and the most important thing, home. This tragic loss to humanity is affecting many people that he touched over the years, so I know I am not alone.

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