Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Cheryl on March 29, 2010 at 10:56am

Tryingmybest,

I'm very sorry for the loss of your dad. You were strong as a caregiver for your dad probably because you had meaning, direction, and especially because he was still with you. I don't think you should try to be strong now, you need to grieve. I know for me, personally, that I feel every emotion there is when it comes to grieving for my daddy. Every day since he left (02/22/2010), I have cried, yelled, laughed, and even begged for him to come back. I've discovered that I'm not crazy, over emotional, or stupid. I am a daughter who's dad died. I believe we have to learn how to live in this world without them. We've never known what it is, or what it means to not have them in our world; we were born having them. I think this website helps all of us. As for getting through the loss, I don't think we ever "get through", I think we learn to cope. Again, I am sincerely sorry for the loss of your dad.

-Cheryl

Permalink Reply by Deb on March 29, 2010 at 10:36pm

I'm so sorry you lost your dad at such an early age. You must allow yourself to grieve. It's a process that has no end. Know that your feelings are justified. If you need to cry, do not apologize, it's all part of the healing process. My dad passed away in June 2009, and I am still devastated. I have a son your age, it must be very hard for you. Live each day with your dad's memories in your heart. I have some of my dad's clothing and religious articles here with me which is very comforting. I even wear his sweatshirts. I feel his arms are wrapped around me. No matter what age we are or our dad's, it's still a shock to lose someone so close to us. Let yourself grieve when you feel the need, and you will get thru this. You have to. Our lives go on even when our dad is gone. I remember my dad's advice, smile and the way he was. That helps me cope. He was my rock and helped me thru a lot of health issues which are ongoing. I miss him when I'm having these issues, but try to keep my chin up because I know he would have wanted that. Good luck and give it time. You will always have the memories of your dad. No one can take those away from you.

Permalink Reply by Cthomas on March 29, 2010 at 11:08pm

I'm so sorry for your loss. You should be proud of yourself for being there for your Dad when he needed you most. I imagine it wasn't easy being your father's primary caregiver at such a young age, but you stepped up to the plate and I'm sure he felt very loved.

Everything you are feeling is, from my experience, normal, and I identify very much with what you are going through. I'm 20 and my Dad died in February at the age of 63. I have moments when I think I hear him coming home from work or I'm at school and I go to text him an update about how my test went when I realize I can't do that anymore. Our Dads were so young, and we are so young, and it all just feels so wrong. I keep thinking that this isn't supposed to be happening... he's supposed to see me graduate college... he's supposed to walk me down the aisle. I'm in college and live at home and the past few years I've watched my Dad's emphysema progress. The last three months of his life he was in the hospital and on a ventilator. I was with him every single day and tried to make his time there as happy as possible. I decorated his room and helped my Mom shave his face and shampoo his hair. We did everything we could to make him comfortable and I made it my goal to get him to smile as often as I could. The one thing that you and I can cherish is that we had so much time to be with our Dads before they passed. We lived with them and cared for them and showed them how much we love them... those moments are so priceless.

I don't know about you, but one of the toughest things for me has been that none of my friends understand what I'm going through because they've never lost anyone close. They listen when I need to talk but they don't know what to say, so I've felt pretty isolated from them since everything happened. But I've come to the realization that it does me no good to question my feelings. I feel lonely even when I'm with people, I feel empty, I feel helpless and hopeless and abandoned, but this is a crazy difficult process that we just have to go through, so don't feel ashamed or weak when you feel a certain way. Let your feelings flow and get things out and I'm confident that, eventually, we'll find a way to focus on the happy memories instead of the sorrow.

By the way, I found a couple of things that have been helping me through this so far. I'm so scared that I'm going to forget things about my Dad so I started a memory journal where I'm writing every little memory that comes to mind. That way, I'm sure I won't forget them and I can always go back and read them and smile. Also, I've started a photo album of pictures with or of my Dad. The act of actually putting the album together is very therapeutic. I plan to throw myself into it over summer break.

Feel free to message me if you ever want to talk or even just vent =)

Permalink Reply by Cynthia Ziegler on April 8, 2010 at 2:06pm

I am a 47 year old woman and I work full time as a school teacher. In Oct of 2008 my parents came to visit us in Louisiana for Thanksgiving and never left. They lived in our home town in Georgia and had bought a motorhome and planned to stay 1 month. They were both young Dad at 69 and mom at 66. My mother got really sick and ended up in the hospital for 8 weeks, then dad got sick and one thing led to another until they finally bought the house next door and moved in permanently. I became their primary care giver. Mom had had the majority of both of her feet amputated and has some serious issue with her blood and has had an arotic valve replacement. Dad being a diabetic and dialysis patient also had his own health battles.
Their care quickly comsumed my life. Luckily my husband helped me by stepping in to pick up the slack while I was at work. Between the 2 of them in the last 18 mths we have spent 10 months in the hospital some times with both of them in at the same time and sometimes both in different hospitals..
I have loved taking care of them. I dedicated myself to keepin them alive. We have laughed and played and taken them out to eat and tried to give them as much of a normal life as possible. They were able to bond with thir first Great Grand daughter.
My father died suddenly on March 2, I am totally lost. I was so used to getting up at 5am and enjoying visiting with him throughout the day in person or on the phone..he was depentant in most ways as he was also visually impaired..He died at home and since he had a DNR was able to stay with us until the funeral home came to get him almost 4 hours after he died..it was wonderful though..I closed his eyes and held his hands until all the warmth left his body. My regret is just wanting 5 more minutes to tell him how wonderful I thought he was again and what a wonderful daddy he was and how honored I was to be able to help him through the last days..so lost.. i am the only one who lives here so i was able to see and hear so many things that my siblings missed..but we find ourselves not even calling each other because of the emotion we know comes with each phone call. I also find myself staying so busy that I cant sit just to not have to think...I ahve spent so many nights worried and not able to sleep while dad was alive, I am now having trouble sleeping and have had several near panic attacks...I really dont know how to cope..dont want to see a doctor afraid he will put me on antidepressants.

Permalink Reply by re on April 9, 2010 at 11:17am

I am sorry to hear about your loss, the Death of a loved one can be devasting. By doing all you can for your father as his caregiver you showed that you really loved him. One thing that has help many people get through the death of a loved one is by turning to God for comfort. In God's word the Bible it tells us that it was not his original purpose for mankind to die. In the Bible it gives us hope what God plan to do in the near future, this is brought out in the Bible book of John 5:28,29 where it states "Do not marvel at this, because the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice and come out...." This verse is helping us to see that God will bring about conditions on the earth where he will resurrect our loved ones that has died in the past. How comforting to know that God has made a provision for you to see your father again in the near future. Also even though your father had suffered with cancer before he died the Bible lets us know the condition of the dead, this is brought out in the Bible book of Ecclesiastes 9:5 where it states "For the living are conscious that they will die; but as for the dead, they are conscious of nothing at all, neither do they anymore have wages, because the remembrance of them has been forgotten." This verse helps us to see that no matter what illness a person suffered while they where alive, now that they are dead they are not conscious of nothing at all so they are no longer suffering. Until that time comes where God will resurrect our loved ones in the near future he encourages us to turn to him in prayer for comfort. This is brought out in the Bible book of Psalms 55:22 where it states "Throw your burden upon Jehovah himself, And he himself will sustain you. Never will he allow the righteous one to totter." How comforting this Bible verse is, no human can really understand the type of bond and love you had for your father, but according to this Bible verse Jehovah God knows exactly how you feel and what you are going through, that is why he can make that promise that he will sustain you, no human being can do that. These are just a few of the many blessings that Jehovah God promises as found in the Bible. If you want to learn more feel free to ask any Jehovah Witnesess in your area or you can message me.

Permalink Reply by Cynthia Ziegler on October 8, 2010 at 11:51am

to add to my initial post I afound my mom dead 3 montrhs after my father died. she went to take a nap and woke up in the arms of Jesus..I am struggling with loss of them both my heart is broken..

Cynthia Ziegler said:

I am a 47 year old woman and I work full time as a school teacher. In Oct of 2008 my parents came to visit us in Louisiana for Thanksgiving and never left. They lived in our home town in Georgia and had bought a motorhome and planned to stay 1 month. They were both young Dad at 69 and mom at 66. My mother got really sick and ended up in the hospital for 8 weeks, then dad got sick and one thing led to another until they finally bought the house next door and moved in permanently. I became their primary care giver. Mom had had the majority of both of her feet amputated and has some serious issue with her blood and has had an arotic valve replacement. Dad being a diabetic and dialysis patient also had his own health battles.
Their care quickly comsumed my life. Luckily my husband helped me by stepping in to pick up the slack while I was at work. Between the 2 of them in the last 18 mths we have spent 10 months in the hospital some times with both of them in at the same time and sometimes both in different hospitals..
I have loved taking care of them. I dedicated myself to keepin them alive. We have laughed and played and taken them out to eat and tried to give them as much of a normal life as possible. They were able to bond with thir first Great Grand daughter.
My father died suddenly on March 2, I am totally lost. I was so used to getting up at 5am and enjoying visiting with him throughout the day in person or on the phone..he was depentant in most ways as he was also visually impaired..He died at home and since he had a DNR was able to stay with us until the funeral home came to get him almost 4 hours after he died..it was wonderful though..I closed his eyes and held his hands until all the warmth left his body. My regret is just wanting 5 more minutes to tell him how wonderful I thought he was again and what a wonderful daddy he was and how honored I was to be able to help him through the last days..so lost.. i am the only one who lives here so i was able to see and hear so many things that my siblings missed..but we find ourselves not even calling each other because of the emotion we know comes with each phone call. I also find myself staying so busy that I cant sit just to not have to think...I ahve spent so many nights worried and not able to sleep while dad was alive, I am now having trouble sleeping and have had several near panic attacks...I really dont know how to cope..dont want to see a doctor afraid he will put me on antidepressants.

Permalink Reply by Cynthia Ziegler on October 8, 2010 at 11:51am

to add to my initial post I afound my mom dead 3 montrhs after my father died. she went to take a nap and woke up in the arms of Jesus..I am struggling with loss of them both my heart is broken..

Cynthia Ziegler said:

I am a 47 year old woman and I work full time as a school teacher. In Oct of 2008 my parents came to visit us in Louisiana for Thanksgiving and never left. They lived in our home town in Georgia and had bought a motorhome and planned to stay 1 month. They were both young Dad at 69 and mom at 66. My mother got really sick and ended up in the hospital for 8 weeks, then dad got sick and one thing led to another until they finally bought the house next door and moved in permanently. I became their primary care giver. Mom had had the majority of both of her feet amputated and has some serious issue with her blood and has had an arotic valve replacement. Dad being a diabetic and dialysis patient also had his own health battles.
Their care quickly comsumed my life. Luckily my husband helped me by stepping in to pick up the slack while I was at work. Between the 2 of them in the last 18 mths we have spent 10 months in the hospital some times with both of them in at the same time and sometimes both in different hospitals..
I have loved taking care of them. I dedicated myself to keepin them alive. We have laughed and played and taken them out to eat and tried to give them as much of a normal life as possible. They were able to bond with thir first Great Grand daughter.
My father died suddenly on March 2, I am totally lost. I was so used to getting up at 5am and enjoying visiting with him throughout the day in person or on the phone..he was depentant in most ways as he was also visually impaired..He died at home and since he had a DNR was able to stay with us until the funeral home came to get him almost 4 hours after he died..it was wonderful though..I closed his eyes and held his hands until all the warmth left his body. My regret is just wanting 5 more minutes to tell him how wonderful I thought he was again and what a wonderful daddy he was and how honored I was to be able to help him through the last days..so lost.. i am the only one who lives here so i was able to see and hear so many things that my siblings missed..but we find ourselves not even calling each other because of the emotion we know comes with each phone call. I also find myself staying so busy that I cant sit just to not have to think...I ahve spent so many nights worried and not able to sleep while dad was alive, I am now having trouble sleeping and have had several near panic attacks...I really dont know how to cope..dont want to see a doctor afraid he will put me on antidepressants.