loss of both parents - one to death, another to estrangement

I have a situation I'm not sure how to handle. I lost my father Dec 23rd. Before that, I became estranged from my mother who is very ill. I have tried to get back into my mother's life but she will not have it. When I lost my father, I was sent a hateful e-mail from my mother about not going to the funeral because I was sick and dad and I were not that close. My parents divorced 35 years ago so I didn't think it was her place to do so. She could have at least sent a card. I feel bad about not attending the funeral but there were other family members I did not want to see and I feel the funeral is for the living. My mother's health is bad and she has turned the whole family against me. After my father passed, she said she would not have anyone call me upon her death. To make matters more stressful, my son is getting married and I have had a falling out with her and her family. There is so much going on, I don't even know I am making sense here. I just feel overwhelmed, my faith is gone, and I don't know how to have closure on a mother that will die but I will not be informed.

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Permalink Reply by margaret on March 27, 2010 at 8:32pm

You have a lot to deal with now, words cannot tell you what to do,just trust in God and pray hard.
Peggy

Permalink Reply by LGWilson on March 28, 2010 at 4:55am

I'm having a little trouble following this. First your dad passed and you didn't attend the funeral & your mom sent you a hateful email? But then you say she could've at least sent a card?
Now your son is getting married and you had a falling out with WHO? Your son's fiance & family?
All I can say is you can only address your own side of the street. And if you really want to start anew with mom, just start by sending a card acknowledging any good things she ever did for you and then have no expectations. Part of ammends is letting ppl know the good they did.

Permalink Reply by Vicki on March 28, 2010 at 1:15pm

Terri : My dear you are grieving & overwhelmed . I know the feelings . are you open to going to a grief counseling ? It might be very helpful with the various things you re going through . And please keep the faith going as best as you can . I know that many a night (unable to sleep a one point) I was on my knees praying to God for help , to get through this . I look back sometimes and wonder how I did . I was also overwhelmed ie full time demanding job , driving 1,000 miles each month to assist parents , clean up the financal mess my sister left ie stealing from their accts , personal items etc.. & trying to have my own life as well. Someone was watching over me. So my best to you & take care VLR

Permalink Reply by yolanda on March 28, 2010 at 9:13pm

Terri, try sending your mother cards, flowers, letters, or anything you think she might like. Be prepared she may not read or receive any of this. Tried to follow the email you sent, understand you are overwhelmed and feel like your entire world is closing in on you. If in the end you were not able to make peace with your mom or at least find a happy middle ground. "You must accept the fact she isn't or wasn't open to what you were trying to give or offer" Life is about choices we all make them and we must respect and accept choices other people make around us in life. Hope this gave a little comfort and hope!

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