Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Stacey Ussery on March 31, 2010 at 10:31pm

I am so sorry for your pain. I just lost my mom last month and understand your grief.

Comforting words? The loss of a great bond deserves mourning. Sadness will come, but it does not stay. Accept the grief when it comes, and then release it when you are done crying.

You honor her memory with your tears, but you also honor her memory when you are happy and successful. As your mom, she wants nothing more than for you to be safe and content. Know that she is still with you. A mother's love and protection does not end.

You are not alone.

Permalink Reply by Katrina on April 1, 2010 at 1:12pm

Hi Michael,

I agree with Stacey. Accept it when it comes and by all means, talk to someone about it. It helps. For years my mother would only allow herself to talk about her own mother and be openly sad on 'special occasions', like Christmas. My Grandmother has been gone for over forty years! When my paternal grandmother died 18 years ago we made it a point to write about her, to cry when the feelings came and then allow ourselves to honor the happiest of memories. This helped when my paternal Grandfather died in 2002. I still cry about how much I miss him - he was my favorite person on earth next to my mom & dad. Pop-Pop's picture holds a special place where I can see him every day and smile.

When my dad was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in March of 08, I thought my world was going to crumble. I am definitely a daddy's girl. Thankfully, we were able to come together as a family and talk about it.. openly. He stayed with for almost 5 months fighting it and I think he stuck around to help us process it. So please, talk to someone who will understand that it's okay to grieve. If that means coming here.. do. :)

You are definitely not alone.

Permalink Reply by lkp on April 2, 2010 at 1:21pm

Ten years ago, 4 years ago, 50 yrs ago or yesterday the grieving never really stop it just changes. Thou for you, being in high school, you may be stuck with the mindset of an 18 yr old going thru grief, you must now grieve as a mature man; but I still have days when it feels like a kick to the stomach. Or I'll get really mad about the huge tax debt she left for me to deal with. But if you never grieved when she died, maybe supressed it, believe me, you'll pay for it later. the grieving process must be walked through. Pick up a pamphlet from any hospice/grief center and check off the time processes of healthy grieving. If you skipped a step in the process deal with it. Many people, in fact most, don't like discussing loved ones who passed, thats my experience. If you need to talk with others, do as I did, join a grief group. It was so great. Seeing what others go thru, the terrible tragedies, make me feel mine was a walk in the park. You also find that comforting others helps and you walk away just feeling so much more in control, more adult and healthy. Just remember dealth is a normal process as well as grieving is normal. None of us want to wallow in the outcome of living, which is death, just remember to enjoy life, it goes by so darn quickly and I love to go for long drives in the country, stop by flowers, walk, etc. Our world is so so beautiful. You'll be with her soon enough so bad days will always come my friend, just walk thru it, it will leave no permanent scars to cry & feel bad for a while, it passes and remember you cannnot let the mind of emotions be in control, you have permission to let the logic in, say"this is enough for right now, too much to deal with & I'll visit this emotion another day" & move on. Be strong minded and just walk tall, thats all. I don't mean be callus, just know time is short, u will hurt, you will be ok, you are in control of you, and we'll all be together sooner than later my friend.

Permalink Reply by Michael on April 7, 2010 at 12:53pm

Thank you so much to everyone who replied. I really appreciate all the nice comments and suggestions. I'm sorry for your losses as well but at least we have a place where we can support and learn from each other. Thanks.