I've never done anything like this before. I lost my mom 3 years ago to brain cancer. She fought it for 7 months. I was 20 when she passed away. I feel like I still have not grieved for her because I feel like I am in a position to where I have to be the 'the strong one' and it has been that way since she died. I was the one always taking care of business. I've tried seeing counselors but I have a huge issue talking to people face to face. I always am friendly and have a smile; however, I'm always hiding how I feel. She was my best friend. The hardest thing for me is not being able to pick up my phone and call her. It hurts so unbelievably bad; it seems like that it should be easier since it has been 3 years. I feel crazy for wanting to just scream and cry and when I am about to let it out, I stop myself because I don't want to appear week. I just want to know that I'm not crazy and what I am going through is normal.

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FlyGirl:

You are brave to write some of your feelings and to share them here. I lost my Mom almost 4 months ago, and it breaks my heart to think I will still be hurting three years from now. However, I believe there are some losses we never get over, and certainly, you are still grieving for your mom. I read on another website this morning, "Your journey through grief cannot be compared to another person's journey. You will grieve in your way and in your time. Grief does not have a set time limit. The only certainty is that it will take longer than you want it to."

It sounds like you have been trying to be strong, but the journey of grief cannot be denied...do it now or do it later. I admire you for reaching out...it is a sign of strength.
Dear FlyGirl,

I am very sorry about the loss of your mother. Mothers are one of the special people in the world we can always count that will always be there for us so losing them is so unimaginable. Showing your feelings is not a sign of weakness. Emotions are what help us deal with certain situations. You said it yourself you want to "let it out", that's exactly what crying is. Something you can try if you don't feel comfortable showing your feelings in front of someone then try and cry in private, like Angie mentioned everyone grieves differently but it must be done.

You being the strong person tells me you are a very caring person because you want to be the pillar in your family. There is one person you can talk to at anytime, any place, and express all your feelings. Psalms 34:18 says; "Jehovah is near to those that are broken at heart". And 2 Corinthians 1:3,4 says; "The father of tender mercies and the God of all comfort who comforts us in all our tribulation". Always know you can count on God and tell him all of your feelings.

Did you know even the son of God, Jesus, cried when his friend died? It is found in John 11:35 and he did so even though he was about to bring him back to life. This shows us that losing someone in death is a very painful experience and no matter what it hurts us. I would like to share a wonderful hope you have in the very near future. Its found in John 5:28&29; "Do not marvel at this because the hour is coming in which all those in the memorial tombs will hear his voice and come out." In the near future, God promises that he will bring back to life here on earth those we have lost in death. We can believe this because when Jesus was on earth he performed many resurrections. You have the opportunity to be reunited with your mother again and never worry about losing her again.

I hope these thoughts may help you and bring you some comfort. May you continue to have the strength to cope with your loss.

My deepest sympathy.

Claire
Hey I was not too much older than u when I lost my mom to throat cancer. On january 22 2010 my mom lost her battle and I was only 25. My mom was my absolute best friend and before I moved back home with her I would talk to her on the phone at least 2-3 times a day and I would see her at least 3 times a week. My problem lately is that I will go to pick up the phone when I think of something she would like to hear and then realize she won't be pickin up. Its def hard to deal with and I give you so much credit for doing it at the age of 20. If u ever need anything please let me know :)
I am sorry for your loss.
My father died on feb 27 2010. I am trying my best to deal with it, be strong, have a smile on my face. He was my rock and sometimes i feel like i am breaking. I pray to him for strength at those times.
I don't think it is weak to want to scream and cry, you knew your mom for 20 years of your life, how can you get over it and not miss her in just 3 years. You do the math :)
It is perfectly normal to feel lost at times as long as you don't let it take over your life. It has been less than 6 months since dad died and i don't know how i will get through this but i know things will get better because my dad would want me to be happy.
I spent 23 years of my life with dad, i don't think i am going to stop missing him anytime soon but i will live with it i guess.
I don't know if i make any sense, i don't know if i have helped you. But just know that you are not alone and it is normal to feel sad and weak at times, we are all human beings after all.
Hugs

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