Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Sarah on December 23, 2012 at 9:08am

Good morning Cecilia, I am also experiencing this 1st xmas without my dad. He was my world as well, and the only parent I had for a very long time. It is good to get on here and vent your feelings vs. keeping them bottled up inside. Hopefully you children will keep you smiling, and you can enjoy christmas in a different light then you have in the past. Start new memories, and carry on how you father would want you too. I know this is all easier said than done, because I too have been alienating myself to the world. I find comfort in the words of others going through similar loss and feelings on here. I hope that can bring you some comfort as well. We will get through this first holiday, and then we can reflect on it to see how next year we can make it better. We are only human, and we are not perfect. We are entitled to be sad I think after such traumatic loss in our lives.  

Permalink Reply by Alisha Clemmons on December 23, 2012 at 9:22am

Cecilia I too know how u feel this is my first Xmas without my daddy too he just passed away in September. Christmas was his thing..he loved everything about the holiday so having Christmas without him is really hard to deal with. I too have 3 kids that I have to put on the brave face for. So I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as we go through this holiday season.

Permalink Reply by Sarah Lossi on December 23, 2012 at 10:07am

Cecilia, I feel your pain. This is also my first christmas without my dad, and the 25th will be the one month anniversary of his passing. I'm 16 years old and he was 56. The way I have been coping is by putting my heart and soul (however hard it may be) into the happy parts of the holiday. I've been focusing on spending time with my family and trying to make the most out of it. I miss my Dad every day, and I am sure you do too. I try to think of it as "Dad would want me to make the most out of it" so I try to have double the fun, to compensate for Dad not being able to be here and share in it. Have a nice holiday, Cecilia, and you are, of course, in my thoughts. Merry Christmas.

Permalink Reply by Cecilia Maxwell on December 23, 2012 at 10:11am

Christmas was my dads thing too. He loved putting up the tree and most of all he loved the lights. We had lights inside pur house and outside. I think that has been the hardest part. I haven't even plugged my tree in so we have no lights this year. I am just so ready for Christmas to be over. I am tired of faking a smile for everyone around. I just want to curl up in my bed and cry all day. And the worst part off all of this is on the 26th it will be 4 months since he died. I miss him so much

Alisha Ward said:

Cecilia I too know how u feel this is my first Xmas without my daddy too he just passed away in September. Christmas was his thing..he loved everything about the holiday so having Christmas without him is really hard to deal with. I too have 3 kids that I have to put on the brave face for. So I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as we go through this holiday season.

Permalink Reply by Cecilia Maxwell on December 23, 2012 at 10:14am

Thank you so much for your words. And I am so sorry for your loss as well. The 26th will be 4 months since my dad died
Sarah Lossi said:

Cecilia, I feel your pain. This is also my first christmas without my dad, and the 25th will be the one month anniversary of his passing. I'm 16 years old and he was 56. The way I have been coping is by putting my heart and soul (however hard it may be) into the happy parts of the holiday. I've been focusing on spending time with my family and trying to make the most out of it. I miss my Dad every day, and I am sure you do too. I try to think of it as "Dad would want me to make the most out of it" so I try to have double the fun, to compensate for Dad not being able to be here and share in it. Have a nice holiday, Cecilia, and you are, of course, in my thoughts. Merry Christmas.

Permalink Reply by Beth Rad on December 23, 2012 at 10:17am

Cecilia,

What you are feeling are normal grief reactions (anxiety, heart racing, chest hurting).  I lost my mom in September, my dad in 1999.  I would suggest that you honor your feelings and if you need to cry, then do so.  Trying to stuff down your feelings doesn't make them go away, they come back, stronger and more overwhelming.  You have lost a parent, it hurts, you loved him, your kids loved him.  Your world and theirs will never be the same, but you will have good times again.  I actually wanted to decorate and bake this year.  It was actually a healing experience to pull out each ornament and remember when and from who I received it, to put up ornaments from my childhoods and those made by my mom.  I've had ornaments made for our tree with pictures, one of my mom, my husbands parents, our dogs, (and must get one made of my dad).  They will always be on my tree and with me. As sad as I am, I feel my mom around.  You are in mourning and sad and if you don't feel like celebrating Christmas, then don't, or have a a subdued one.  Next year will be better.  Your kids are probably missing him too but don't quite know how to express it.  Find some grief support.  Check out your local hospice to see if they have individual counseling or a grief support group.  It will give you a place to go and talk about it.  My county has individual grief counseling services that are on a sliding scale.  I took advantage of these services when my dad died, and am now.  I talk non-stop with someone who is happy to listen to me.  Crying discharges the emotions and releases feel good chemicals and give some relief for a little while.  You are right in the middle of an intense grief process and it will take the time it takes and will get better.  Hugs to you. 

Permalink Reply by Beth Rad on December 23, 2012 at 10:18am

Sarah said:

Good morning Cecilia, I am also experiencing this 1st xmas without my dad. He was my world as well, and the only parent I had for a very long time. It is good to get on here and vent your feelings vs. keeping them bottled up inside. Hopefully you children will keep you smiling, and you can enjoy christmas in a different light then you have in the past. Start new memories, and carry on how you father would want you too. I know this is all easier said than done, because I too have been alienating myself to the world. I find comfort in the words of others going through similar loss and feelings on here. I hope that can bring you some comfort as well. We will get through this first holiday, and then we can reflect on it to see how next year we can make it better. We are only human, and we are not perfect. We are entitled to be sad I think after such traumatic loss in our lives.  

Permalink Reply by TammyDHU on December 23, 2012 at 10:31am

Dearest Cecelia:

I am so sorry for your loss.  You are so fortunate to have had a daddy.  I've been missing mine all my life.  This year I learned he died on May 15th.  Somehow now, the world is not right at all.  Also having lost my dear gramma this past summer, my heart is heavy with grief too as we go through the Christmas season.  I can understand it looks impossible to keep your chin up but I pray that God will give you the strength to do it, most especially for the sake of your kids and other family and friends as well.  Try to be comforted by the wonderful memories you have of your father.  He would, I am sure, not want to see you so saddened by his loss.  He loves you, God loves you, so do I.  Be blessed!  -Tammy

Permalink Reply by Melinda CANDACE Guinn on December 23, 2012 at 2:51pm

Your Dad is safe and happy on the other side. You'll be reunited when your time on this plane is done.  I miss my Grandma and daughter, Candace Rae Watson SOO much! Be strong, there IS life after death. I'm so sad, these holidays w/o Candace are SO rough! 

Permalink Reply by Colleen Greer on January 18, 2013 at 1:16pm

Hi

Just joined this group today.  My dad passed away from a massive heart attack on December 23, 2012.  What a shock, he was so healthy and going to the doctor and they don't understand it.  I'm not coping well, been put on anti depressants but I worry more about my mom.  They were married 50 years and she's lost and doesn't want to go on.  Says she wishes she could die to because we don't need her anymore we all have our own lives.  We need her and she's staying with me and my Fiance but I just can't get through a day wondering how I'm going to live without my dad.  He was our rock, my life, everything.  I just don't know how to cope.  I've never felt so alone and sad in my life.  Any comments or coping methods would be appreciated and thank you for listening and I'm sorry for all your losses too.  Colleen

 

Permalink Reply by Gail Gaines on January 23, 2013 at 2:02pm

Colleen Greer said:

Hi

Just joined this group today.  My dad passed away from a massive heart attack on December 23, 2012.  What a shock, he was so healthy and going to the doctor and they don't understand it.  I'm not coping well, been put on anti depressants but I worry more about my mom.  They were married 50 years and she's lost and doesn't want to go on.  Says she wishes she could die to because we don't need her anymore we all have our own lives.  We need her and she's staying with me and my Fiance but I just can't get through a day wondering how I'm going to live without my dad.  He was our rock, my life, everything.  I just don't know how to cope.  I've never felt so alone and sad in my life.  Any comments or coping methods would be appreciated and thank you for listening and I'm sorry for all your losses too.  Colleen

 

Permalink Reply by Gail Gaines on January 23, 2013 at 2:03pm

Gail Gaines said:

Colleen Greer said:

Hi

Just joined this group today.  My dad passed away from a massive heart attack on December 23, 2012.  What a shock, he was so healthy and going to the doctor and they don't understand it.  I'm not coping well, been put on anti depressants but I worry more about my mom.  They were married 50 years and she's lost and doesn't want to go on.  Says she wishes she could die to because we don't need her anymore we all have our own lives.  We need her and she's staying with me and my Fiance but I just can't get through a day wondering how I'm going to live without my dad.  He was our rock, my life, everything.  I just don't know how to cope.  I've never felt so alone and sad in my life.  Any comments or coping methods would be appreciated and thank you for listening and I'm sorry for all your losses too.  Colleen