at a total loss

hello everyone i am new to this site still trying to find my way around. found the link to the site in my local news paper.

i am not sure where to post what i am going through right now.

saturday night my mom had a bad heart attack. i was home at the time it happened and between the time the ambulance got to her house and worked on her here and the time to get her back to the hospital she died 3 times for short periods. when she got to the hospital they got her somewhat stable but had to life flight her the the next town.

at this point she cannot breath on her own she is on a machine to help with that, she is not moving at all and not responding to any touch or sound or light or anything. the dr's are doing hypothermia therapy to try and preserve what they can and hopefully bring her out of it and try figure out what actually happened that caused the attack.

the odds of her coming out of this at all they are saying are very slim. and even if she does there will be alot of brain damage they are figuring. for the next 3-5 days will not know anything on progress or what is fully going on. they are not saying she has passed yet they have her heart beating slowly with her pacemaker and she has a pulse stablizing to a point but not sign of brain function at this point. im trying to be really hopeful she will pull through but also trying to prepair for the worse.

this is really hard waiting. i have no family or siblings to turn to for support or just to talk makes it really rough. i just dont know how to deal with all this mentaly. emothionaly, financialy. i am at a total loss. i have barely had any sleep in 3 days now cant seem to get myself to do anything i cry all night long i feel like this is all my fault if i had just called the ambulance sooner they could have caught it in time to help her better.

i am sorry for the long post just really hard having no one to talk to or go to for any support.

if anyone has or is going through this how do you get through it.

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Permalink Reply by Sandra E. Byrd on January 27, 2015 at 2:56pm

I'm so sorry for what has happened to your mom. Not having anyone to talk to makes it even worse for you. Is there a hospital chaplain that could see you? I have no firsthand experience with family being on life support. I lost both my parents in the past 3 years. They died at home. God decides when it is time no matter outside interventions. Calling for the ambulance sooner wouldn't have stopped her heart attack. Don't beat yourself up. And you are doing the right thing by writing here. I have found it helpful to know that others understand and care. I pray for peace in your heart, that faith comforts you.

Permalink Reply by samantha on January 27, 2015 at 3:47pm

thank you very much for writing back

it is really hard

just heard from the dr. that her organs are failing and the brain scan they are doing is not showing anything of anykind of movement. she is not responding to anything

they are giving her till tomorrow to show any kind of improvement but there is only a 10%chance of that at this point.

now i have to make that tough decision. put her on life support hope something inmproves or let nature take it course. how do you make a decision like that. im sooooo lost right now

Permalink Reply by Sandra E. Byrd on January 27, 2015 at 4:42pm

Your mom's body may last a little longer but most likely she won't recover to be who she was before. I don't mean this to be hurtful, only suggesting the decision really may not be necessary as her organs fail. It's terribly hard to part with a parent who is failing but I believe we will see them again in heaven. Be gentle and forgiving of yourself as I'm sure your mom would have you be. Praying for you.

Permalink Reply by samantha on January 27, 2015 at 5:56pm

thank you for the kind and helpful words.

yes your right on the decision of life support but still a very hard decision to make

i really hope this all gets easier over time.

Permalink Reply by Sandra E. Byrd on February 5, 2015 at 9:38pm

Samantha, if you are reading here I've been wondering how things are going for you. Please keep in touch when you can.

Permalink Reply by Diamond on February 21, 2015 at 9:24pm

Samantha, I just read your account of what has been going on with your mother. I am so sorry for all of the emotional turmoil you have been experiencing. I do not have any life experience of anyone I have personally know that had to go through what you have gone through - I know, it is so hard to deal with some of the things that come our way in life. - however, I try to hold onto the positive aspect of any situation - hope is what keeps us going. I have a hope of seeing my mother again - I just recently lost my mother in September 2014 and it is still hard to accept. Time teaches us how to deal with life and what comes our way. My Mother was my friend and she had a very big heart and was so kind. I truly miss her and some days - I just take time out to think of her and remember that big beautiful smile on her face. Just wanted to tell you to take care and know that love always remain in our heart.

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