I in some ways understand. I lost my parents 9 months apart last year at one point taking care of them both at the same time while working full time with 3 kids. It was hell on earth!! I was with them both arranged both of their funerals and took care of everything while my one sibling stole everything out of my parents house then tried to sue me. He showed up at both funerals drunk and never once lifted a finger to help with them. He worked just 10 min away and would even come and see them. Once it was all said and done, I also felt like an orphan. My grandparents are long gone, I have an aunt but she lives very far away.... I have basically been left alone at 36 with no more guidance. When I was no longer a daughter I felt like I had been cast off on a deserted island. I will say for me there is no hope for a relationship with my brother and that is b/c I closed that door. I do have my kids and my husband that I can focus on, but I suggest reaching out to your sisters. If you have not shut the door to those relationships write them a letter and tell them how you feel. But you can't hang on to the why's and what happened or you will drive yourself nuts concerning your sister who recently passed. My mother was so ugly to meweeks before she died. Maybe it was the cancer or just the worst of her personality coming out, and I blamed myself for not saving her for months and months, but there isn't anything I could have done and it's irrational to guilt and blame when what is done is done. You do still have a chance to connect with your other sisters though. Losing what small of a family I had made me realize more than I did before how important it is to hold your loved ones close.
Last week I scattered the rest of my parents ashes and boy that was tough. I was letting go b/c I still have so much life left i want to make new memories, but its hard to let go of the two most amazing ppl I ever knew! If you are up to it, grief counselling is a huge and has been a huge help for me.
I feel for you Dinese. I'm sorry I don't have any words of encouragement. I lost my only child, my just turned 30 yr old daughter Candace Rae Watson. Her and her husband were raising their 3 little girls, 8, 7 and 2. That was 2010. I'm better but I'll have that ache forever. I believe in God so I believe He saved her from something worse happening. I know we'll reunited.