Christmas Eve without a Parent

Well the clock is ticking down to Christmas Day. For the first time in my life I will wake up Christmas morning and not have any parent to hug or call. I know lots of us are in this same spot, a spot without our mom or dad. How do we get through it-as we have all agreed it doesn't matter what age you lose a parent, loss is loss and is forever.

I let my daughter buy a tree and put it up. It is a white tree the kind with the lights already on it. She decorated with it purple decorations. My mom's favorite color. At night I stare at that tree and imagine how happy Mom would be if she could see all the beautiful and unique decorations. There are purple cupcakes, purple birds, and purple snowflakes. There is one huge gold butterfly on it. I know it is decorated just the way Mom would have wanted. At first I didn't want the tree, decorations, or Christmas. Then I remembered that Christmas represents a renewal of hope. A belief in things we cannot comprehend or see. We all need to hold onto that belief of the unseen. We need to believe that one day there will be a time when we are re-united with our moms and dads. A time to feel and touch their love. A time to rejoice and feel whole again.

So even though it is killing me to go through these motions of celebrating, I will go through them. I know Mom is up there somewhere wanting me to be strong and to get through the devastating loss. She expects me to live a life filled with joy and laughter. She wouldn't want me to mourn endlessly; to stop living because life isn't life without her. I know my mom understands the passion I feel for her and I know she knows how deeply I grieve and how alone and tiny I feel in a world without her. She would still want me to go on and live and so I do.

I want everyone who reads this to know that somehow together we will all survive this holiday without our parent. We will get through it because that is what our loved ones would want. We will lean on each other and find moments of joy to celebrate. We will celebrate the joy of others and find a renewed sense of hope that one day we won't hurt so badly and one day we will all be together again.

May you each find a something to hold on tonight and tomorrow to get you through.

You are all in my heart and prayers.

Nannette

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Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by s l watson on December 24, 2010 at 8:43pm

My heart aches for you. I lost my Daddy in 1992 and my Mom just 9 days ago (12/15). You have a daughter so shower her with love and affection. In the natural order of things, she will someday suffer the same loss you are feeling now. Bond and build the memories while you can. I am 57 years old and never had children. That is something I'm beginning to regret. Merry Christmas to you, Nannette.

Permalink Reply by s l watson on December 24, 2010 at 8:43pm

Permalink Reply by jessy on December 24, 2010 at 10:23pm

It was nice to sit and read this tonight, a good reminder. Today was really hard - Christmas eve. My 2/12 year old daughter and I went to the mountains to hike, all I could think was how I wished my dad was with us, that is what I would have been done if he were alive. Hiking with baby Maren and my dad, he would have loved it, maybe he was there with us. It was a nice long slow hike :) miss you dad XO J&M

Permalink Reply by jessy on December 24, 2010 at 10:23pm

Permalink Reply by Dottie's Daughter on December 25, 2010 at 12:28am

Thank you Nannette for what you wrote tonight! Your words bring great comfort to me on this lonely Christmas eve without my Mom for the first time in my life. My Mother would not want me to stop living my life either and everything you said about your Mother sounds just like my Mom. She would want me to be happy and to live life to the fullest. I also have the hope one day I will be with my Mom and I'm trying so hard to stay strong until the day we are reunited. May you have a wonderful Christmas and Thank you again for every word you wrote tonight..it has helped so much. Hugs & prayers to you and yours and everyone else who is missing their loved ones.

Permalink Reply by Suzanne on December 28, 2010 at 10:20pm

Hi All,

Nannette and everyone, thank you for sharing all of your special emotions. It was one year for my Mom on Christmas Eve. It just doen't seem real. Missing her can be so overwhelming sometimes. She was and still is such an inspiration to me. She was so generous, loving, and kind hearted. And you are all so right, I know my Mom would want myself and my family to go on with life, and laugh and remember so many. many special times we all had together. And I am truly thankful for all of those memories.

Fortunately, my Dad is still with us, and myself and my family are making sure that we spend as much time as possible together. That is certainly a blessing.

I truly know how blessed I am to have the parents that were given to me.

This is my first posting, and just reading all the comments that were written has given me some comfort.

Thank you all.

Suzanne

Permalink Reply by Monica Salisbury on December 29, 2010 at 9:34am

Nannette,

Thanks for sharing. I didnt decorate this year because i just wasnt in mood to and nothing seemed the same and its been a month and a half. We celebrated christmas at my brothers christmas eve and he had a tree and im sure dad was looking down on us that day. Thanks for the encouragement that life must go on because they would want us to. Right now i feel at a stand still and my dad wouldnt want me that way.

Permalink Reply by Nannette Sherman on December 29, 2010 at 7:51pm

Monica,

I made it through the holiday and so did you. Making it through is the first step; celebrating and truly enjoying the holidays will come later. I believe in "faking it" until I start feeling it. It will get less painful, not easier, but less painful.

As the new year starts in a few days remember that a new year means a year of firsts without those we love but also a year filled with opportunities to remember and begin new traditions. Happy New Year's Monica.

Monica Salisbury said:

Nannette,

Thanks for sharing. I didnt decorate this year because i just wasnt in mood to and nothing seemed the same and its been a month and a half. We celebrated christmas at my brothers christmas eve and he had a tree and im sure dad was looking down on us that day. Thanks for the encouragement that life must go on because they would want us to. Right now i feel at a stand still and my dad wouldnt want me that way.

Permalink Reply by s l watson on December 29, 2010 at 9:14pm

I was scanning radio stations on Christmas Eve and it stopped on the Christian Radio Station. Playing was a song that moved me to tears. The song was by Steven Curtis Chapman and the name is Going Home for Christmas. It was written about what I believe was his Grandmother and it is now my newest favorite song. The poor Chapman family has had its share of tragedy but their faith is unshaken. The song is very warm and is recommended listening for all who have lost a mother or grandmother...especially now during the Christmas season.

Permalink Reply by Monica Salisbury on December 30, 2010 at 6:37am

Nanette,

That is true we made it through. Hoping this next year will be a better year for us all. Happy New Year to you as well :)

Nannette Sherman said:

Monica,

I made it through the holiday and so did you. Making it through is the first step; celebrating and truly enjoying the holidays will come later. I believe in "faking it" until I start feeling it. It will get less painful, not easier, but less painful.

As the new year starts in a few days remember that a new year means a year of firsts without those we love but also a year filled with opportunities to remember and begin new traditions. Happy New Year's Monica.

Monica Salisbury said:

Nannette,

Thanks for sharing. I didnt decorate this year because i just wasnt in mood to and nothing seemed the same and its been a month and a half. We celebrated christmas at my brothers christmas eve and he had a tree and im sure dad was looking down on us that day. Thanks for the encouragement that life must go on because they would want us to. Right now i feel at a stand still and my dad wouldnt want me that way.

Permalink Reply by Judy on January 11, 2011 at 4:52pm

2010 was the first year without either parent. We sold Mom's condo in December, the last of the reminents gone. Needless to say Christmas was extremely stressful. I got a new tree, with white poinsettas, some of her things I put up for Christmas, and a couple of old times from previous years. It was strange going to the Christmas service without her. She and I tried to go every year. In 2009 the weather was too bad, in 2010 it was too late. She died in January 2010, aftering a struggle from having her pacemaker replaced, and it was downhill through Jan last year. Now a year has almost passed since her death. The first of everything after a death is just plain awful.

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