Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Diana Garcia on November 23, 2010 at 11:31pm

I'm so sorry .. I feel so LOST and ALONE.
I lost my daddy on Sept 3 ....2 months and 20 days and I'm so scared that I'm going to lose it on thanksgiving and his birthday which is the day after. My birthday is christmas eve too. I keep remembering how my dad would tell me that we were special and connected because we were born on those special days. Now there is no one to share that special connection with me.
Everyone tells me that it will get easier with time. And that the first holidays are hardest. But no one seems to understand that THIS holiday was HIS. My daddy was always up @ 4am getting ready to bbq the turkey, make the dressing,and bake the pumpkin pies ..
My brother says he knows how my dad bbq'd the turkey, and he's gonna try to bake the pie's like my dad.. He's trying and I feel so bad that all i can think is.. that it won't be NOTHING like my daddy's..
And to me it seems like the rest of my family is going about their normal holiday business.
All i hear about is whose gonna make this and that. And what is going to go in this and what is needed from the store. I literally want to scream and say ITS NOT THE SAME ..

Permalink Reply by Gina on November 24, 2010 at 9:55pm

I feel similar and my heart goes out to you! My mom passed in 2005 from Alzheimer's at the young age of 69, so that left me and my dad and I carried on cooking the holiday meals for me and him there are no siblings. Now suddenly my dad passed in March and I have been literally gasping for air this upcoming week and tonight I have such a lump in my throat and my eyes will not stop shedding tears. It is new and when you have been so connected such as you and your mother was, it hurts and hurts deeply and the confusion sometimes overwhelms you, so know that this is your grief and your cycle and others will just have to try and understand. I went to the store and bought everything and who am I cooking for NOONE, like you my son is grown and married and they have their other family obligations and I don't think he understands what this upcoming season is doing to me(one because I try not to let him see it). This will be the first Thanksgiving without both of my parents and my dad was my best friend and loved to eat, and eat, his birthday is two days before Christmas and now I just HATE this season, I literally HATE IT because the pain is so unbearable. I have walked around with my mom's pictures and put on one of my dad's T-shirts and talk to them and I just fall to my knees and pray for this pain to subside. So Dottie's daughter it is painful but know that your mom loved you dearly which is why it hurts so much but they say in time it gets easier, so you are not alone in your grief and I come here to just let my feelings out to those who can understand because others at time seem to get uncomfortable with your grief and I think that is because they really feel helpless in helping us deal with it. Peace and Love Gina

Permalink Reply by jessy on November 24, 2010 at 11:51pm

it is really nice to sit in front of the computer tonight and cry and read others posts about your mom's and dad's. I can't believe tomorrow will be my 5th Thanksgiving with out dad. He should be here, he LOVEd Thanksgiving. We would always go for a long hike and then eat, he loved to eat. The holidays are so hard, the meaning of holidays has changed so much without my dad. I have a 2 1/2 yr old little girl, I wish he could be here to play with her during these special holiday times. It still seems so strange that he will not be here. I miss his voice, I miss his believing in me no matter what I did. I miss his phone calls, always checking in. Sometimes we would talk several times per day or he would call and we would get off the phone and I would forget to tell him something and call him back and talk for long periods of time about all of the details of our lives. He kept tabs on me. No one knows me and believes in me the way he did. My dad's love was the living meaning of unconditional love. I am so sad to have lost him, still fighting so hard with my regrets too. Why didn't I know to slow down and be more present with him before he was gone. So many times I was too busy, and he wanted to just visit and I would rush off. I would give anything for a moment, a hug, a phone call, but it is too late. I miss you dad. Thank you all for understanding, no one in real life understands, eveyone is also busy and cannot imagine how so many years later the pain is still so intense, and that is understnadable. He was such a huge presence in my life, that does not die inside me, just because he did. I still have all of our memories, our laughs, our moments. Tomorrow will be hard dad, but I will try to be present and enjoy each moment and each conversation and morel of food, the way you would if you were here with me.

Permalink Reply by Gina on November 25, 2010 at 7:16am

Jessy,
Thanks for sharing and we all understand and even though we do not know each other here, we feel each other.

jessy said:

it is really nice to sit in front of the computer tonight and cry and read others posts about your mom's and dad's. I can't believe tomorrow will be my 5th Thanksgiving with out dad. He should be here, he LOVEd Thanksgiving. We would always go for a long hike and then eat, he loved to eat. The holidays are so hard, the meaning of holidays has changed so much without my dad. I have a 2 1/2 yr old little girl, I wish he could be here to play with her during these special holiday times. It still seems so strange that he will not be here. I miss his voice, I miss his believing in me no matter what I did. I miss his phone calls, always checking in. Sometimes we would talk several times per day or he would call and we would get off the phone and I would forget to tell him something and call him back and talk for long periods of time about all of the details of our lives. He kept tabs on me. No one knows me and believes in me the way he did. My dad's love was the living meaning of unconditional love. I am so sad to have lost him, still fighting so hard with my regrets too. Why didn't I know to slow down and be more present with him before he was gone. So many times I was too busy, and he wanted to just visit and I would rush off. I would give anything for a moment, a hug, a phone call, but it is too late. I miss you dad. Thank you all for understanding, no one in real life understands, eveyone is also busy and cannot imagine how so many years later the pain is still so intense, and that is understnadable. He was such a huge presence in my life, that does not die inside me, just because he did. I still have all of our memories, our laughs, our moments. Tomorrow will be hard dad, but I will try to be present and enjoy each moment and each conversation and morel of food, the way you would if you were here with me.

Permalink Reply by Dottie's Daughter on November 25, 2010 at 11:47am

Thanks Diana, Gina and Jessy for your comments. First...I wish everyone a nice Thanksgiving which I know is hard on all of us. I've decided what I'm doing. First I accept that I miss my Mom! It truly is the hardest thing to know Mom isn't here with me. It is a sad day for sure but somehow we will get through it. My husband and I are going to go on a hike this morning in our local mountains. I plan on sitting on the highest rock I can find and tell Mom how much I miss her and love her. I think the exercise will make me feel better and its a new tradition I want to do every Thanksgiving. Just a small hike is all. Afterwards this afternoon we have reservations for a dinner out. I bought a small turkey to cook tomorrow which makes my husband happy...he loves leftover turkey sandwiches. It is a day alone for the two of us but its okay. His parents say they understand and will be here visiting over the weekend so it will be nice to see them then. My kids will call of course and I know they are enjoying their day so that makes me feel good. We may even go to a movie later after dinner if there is time but will play it by ear. So it is a full day. So those are my plans. I miss my Mom horribly but I know someday I will see her again. I'm trying to remember all the good times we had on Thanksgiving in years past and how much Mom enjoyed spending time with us. Sometimes she would take a break to rest her back while we cooked in later years and would fall asleep on our couch. I would tease her about falling asleep and she would always deny it. I loved watching her catnap and loved it even more that she would say she was just resting her eyes. I miss her so much!!!! An ache that won't stop! May all of you somehow get through your day too and please remember the good times we had with our loved ones. They would want us to focus on the good memories and not dwell on missing them even though it is so difficult to do. Make it a good day if you can and think of all the memories they gave us....I'm trying to. Hugs to all of you!

Permalink Reply by Gina on November 25, 2010 at 5:03pm

@Dottie's Daughter,
Great plans and we wish you strength and love in your journey :)

Permalink Reply by Dottie's Daughter on November 26, 2010 at 12:42am

Gina..today while I was on a mountain I said a prayer for you and everyone who lost their parents as we have. For some reason I kept thinking of your words today..how much you miss your parents and the sadness we feel without them forever in our lives. When I reached the top of our hiking trail and could see the view below it truly was a beautiful sight to behold. How I wished Mom was alive and waiting at home with the Turkey cooking so I could come home to tell her of the beautiful view. So I decided to say a prayer and ask God to help us all get through this pain we have everyday... I also told my Mom how much I missed her and what a hard time I was having without her in my life now. Perhaps it was the hike or saying the prayer or perhaps it was the moment of total peace with nothing but the mountain & sky and the bird who flew over at that exact moment I prayed but I have a feeling she was listening and the pain in my heart lifted just for a moment. Of course I cried a small river of tears today on that mountain but I know God and my Mother heard me. I keep thinking of that one lone bird who just showed up and kept flying over me then as quick as he came, he was gone. I don't think I will not ever miss my Mom the rest of my life but today was a very spiritual day for me. I had no idea it would feel this way but it did. Since I wasn't cooking I did not want to be home which would make missing Mom even worse I felt. I'm still heartbroken but it felt good to say a prayer up there today. I told Mom everything I've been feeling and especially how much I miss her and love her. I hope you made it through your day without too much heartache and I hope everyone else reading survived it as well. I believe I've started a new tradition. Hugs and prayers to all of you.