My Mother passed away on Sept 28th 2010. I'm still finding it hard to believe she is really gone! It seems like a very bad dream and I'll be able to wake up tomorrow and drive to her little apartment to pick her up to go shopping or whatever we would like to do. We had to pack up her entire apartment and now are left with all of my Mom's personal belongings in our house. This past week I thought I would try to go through some of the boxes with her personal belongings and try to figure out what to keep, what to give to relatives or donate.  Each time I've tried to start the process of going through these boxes, I break down and get nothing accomplished.  I start with one box and end up sitting and crying while I have the contents of the box scattered all over the floor in front of me trying to figure out what to do with each item. I end up putting everything back in the box it came from and leaving the room in tears. Over and over again. There are so many things that meant so much to her. What do I do with them? The hardest thing is to see things she used everyday. Silly things like the container that held all her favorite pens and pencils that she used everyday. This cute container that held her pens used to sit next to her while she sat in her favorite chair and I can still see her reach for a pen to write something down. She always was writing something and had to have her pens next to her. I used to tease her all the time..."Mom why do you need so many pens?" She had every color and every make of pen in that darn container. She used to laugh about it and tell me she used every single pen. For some reason...just seeing the container sitting in a its just sitting there waiting for her to use... breaks my heart. Why is this so hard? Its just a container holding pens and a couple pairs of scissors and her little magnifying glass. Is this crazy??? I was going to put it on my desk but somehow it doesn't feel right. I keep wondering if I'm going nuts or what is wrong with me. How can I let a container holding pens cause me such heartache?  I picked up her favorite pen couldn't stop crying. So there the container the box...waiting to be taken out but I can't for some reason. How can seeing these darn pens hurt so much? I miss her so much and its overwhelming to know I have a bedroom full or boxes with my Mom's "life" sitting there waiting for me to go through them. Right now I don't feel like I can do it. Those boxes may be there for a very long time. I can't even open the ones with pictures in them. No way...not right now. I know I should wait until I'm ready but every other day I think I'm ready, just get it done and over with I guess is my theory. I have to do it at some point. Move forward!  But I'm frozen! Has anyone else ever experienced this before?  I'm so sad and missing her so much! Has anyone else ever had to do this? Go through all their loved ones possessions? How do you do it?  

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I think it is wonderful that you can still hear your Mother's voice! Over time, you will be so grateful for that recording. Oh, what I would give to hear my mom's voice again like that. I lie awake at night, trying to remember her voice in the darkness, but over time, it gets more and more difficult. I do have a video of her reading a poem at my wedding, but after 8 months, I still have not been able to watch it. However, I know that when I am ready, I will again hear the voice that I miss every day of my life. Save your Mom's voicemail...don't erase it.....ever! Sending my best to you today and always.


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