i lost my best friend.... my dad

On December 30th ant 12:40am the hospice nurses were making their rounds on the floor and came upon my fathers room only to find him gone...... ill start this with telling you my story. im 42 and only got reunited with my dad when i was 30. Divorce and a alcoholic mother kept us from being together when i was growing up... i remember him telling me when i was five that he had to go away because he was angry with mom and didnt want to fight in front of us kids. well i was angry through the years and blamed him for my ugly childhood.... only to find out so many years later that she kept us apart. by the time i was eighteen i didnt want to hear of or about him. years went by and i finally got my chance to reconnect.... and reconnect we did. i loved him with all my heart and he taught me more in the last twelve years than anyone my whole life. he was there when i needed him. he helped me raise my teenage sons and came to be my daughters best friend. he got sick with COPD and emphesemia and battled for his life for many years. i can honestly say i was there for him every step of the way. in August of 2010 he got shocked from his fibulator he had to correct his heart rhythm.... then while in the hospital to figure the problem out he contacted pneumonia and couldnt beat it. he continued with fevers and remained getting shocks. they couldnt figure it out so they said he had the option of going on life support. we opted from doing that because they admitted he prolly wouldnt ever come out of it.... so he insisted he wanted to go to the vetrans hospital to be cared for in the hospice unit. he didnt want me to be burdened.... well that was september 17th 2010. i got three more months to spend with him and it was wonderful. never a day wwent by that i didnt spend with him except for seven days when i went on a planned vacation... and even then i talked with him three times a day from the bahamas..... we spent Thanksgiving together, and finally Christmas.

i dont know how to go on anymore... im married and im so distant. im falling apart! i cry all the time and my heart hurts! when he was living he and i would go to the chapel at the va med center every sunday no matter how he felt.... well i still go there, every sunday and walk down that long hall to get to chapel.... i feel so alone. i want to talk to him and want to hear him tell me everything is going to be ok.... my heart hurts and i dont know how to fix it..... im scared.....

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Permalink Reply by kathy on February 14, 2011 at 5:59am

Dear Sherri Ann, I would like to express my sincere condolence at the loss of your Father and best friend. Your letter was wonderful; I hope it will encourage someone who has a strained relationship and that it might turn out as beautiful as yours. May you feel God's loving arms around you, giving you comfort and strength during these difficult days. I pray your memories of all the good times you spent together will be a source of comfort. Sherri Ann as you walk down that long hall to go to the chapel may you always remember, "God is healing the brokenhearted ones and binding up their painful spots" -Psalms 147:3 It is as if God were standing by our side to encourage you, in this way you will not feel so lonly

Permalink Reply by sherrie ann lenich on February 14, 2011 at 12:33pm

thanks so much Kathy... i was beginning to think that nobody read my entry. its nice to know there is someone out there. i was at the cemetary today to lay a rose at his grave. i was overcome by the solace there... i keep hoping for my heart to begin healing. on Valentines day we always exchanged our love between father and daughter and i hope he was listening this morning ...... again thanks so much for the reply :)

kathy said:

Dear Sherri Ann, I would like to express my sincere condolence at the loss of your Father and best friend. Your letter was wonderful; I hope it will encourage someone who has a strained relationship and that it might turn out as beautiful as yours. May you feel God's loving arms around you, giving you comfort and strength during these difficult days. I pray your memories of all the good times you spent together will be a source of comfort. Sherri Ann as you walk down that long hall to go to the chapel may you always remember, "God is healing the brokenhearted ones and binding up their painful spots" -Psalms 147:3 It is as if God were standing by our side to encourage you, in this way you will not feel so lonly

x

Permalink Reply by Julie on February 15, 2011 at 7:07am

Hi Sherrie:

Continue to speak to your dad. He is still around. No, physically we can not see our lost ones, but we can feel them around us. I lost my father a month ago. I still speak to him as if he is here. Many times if I ask a question, I can almost hear him answering it in my head. No...I'm not crazy. The soul never ends. We all meet again one day. Keep your faith and try to strengthen it. Both of my parents are gone and sometimes I feel like an orphan. I have a deep hole of emptiness that never goes away. But know that we truley never die. Death is the beginning of eternity.

Permalink Reply by kathy on February 15, 2011 at 7:07am

When my mother died I felt the same way you do, it took a while to get some relief, i prayed a lot cried a lot, kept busy. The reason why I was able to cope was because of the promises in the Bible where God says: "He will actually swallow up death forever, and will certainly wipe the tears from all faces." (Isaiah 25:8) But he also promises a bringing back to life those who have died, a time when we can enjoy life together forever. This is the hope that helps me to cope with times like these and keeps me going. This may not comfort you but i am praying that you get some peace.

sherrie ann lenich said:

thanks so much Kathy... i was beginning to think that nobody read my entry. its nice to know there is someone out there. i was at the cemetary today to lay a rose at his grave. i was overcome by the solace there... i keep hoping for my heart to begin healing. on Valentines day we always exchanged our love between father and daughter and i hope he was listening this morning ...... again thanks so much for the reply :)

kathy said:

Dear Sherri Ann, I would like to express my sincere condolence at the loss of your Father and best friend. Your letter was wonderful; I hope it will encourage someone who has a strained relationship and that it might turn out as beautiful as yours. May you feel God's loving arms around you, giving you comfort and strength during these difficult days. I pray your memories of all the good times you spent together will be a source of comfort. Sherri Ann as you walk down that long hall to go to the chapel may you always remember, "God is healing the brokenhearted ones and binding up their painful spots" -Psalms 147:3 It is as if God were standing by our side to encourage you, in this way you will not feel so lonly

x