Last resort

Hi,

I really had nowhere to go, but then I saw this website and thought I 'd give it a try. I lost my mother on August 28, 2010 to a health problem and ever since then I have been in complete and in utter dispair. I have so many feelings primarily guilt. I am 5 months pregnant and not having her here through this time in my life is unbearable. I also have this feeling like she is still at home and I am just waiting for her call sounds weird but that's what comes into my mind. It's like this is a nightmare and I just can't seem to wake up. I always imagined her to pass away of old age in her bed, but that's just not how it happened at all she went to the ER and was talking and smiling then all of a sudden she was unconsious and on a ventalator with doctors telling all my family there was no hope for her. It feels like I can't go on living. I know my friends keep telling me to move on and think of the happy memories her and I had but it's better said than done. I also feel so sad for my father. My mom and dad where a team, my father growing up never really showed any emotion and I never seen him cry, but now that she is gone that all he seems to do. I hope it get's somewhat easier in time, but with all my emotions I think that it will never be the same again.

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Permalink Reply by Francis Valente III on September 17, 2010 at 8:51am

Hi Yolanda I just lost my Mom on Sunday and we are having wake today and burial tomorrow. I know the terror and horror you feel! I feel like I am in a fog! I am also in disbelief as well. I like you wonder if I will ever see life and the world in the same way again. I can only hold onto the fact that her pain and suffering are over ( she was ill for a year) and she is with the lord.

I can only say to you and I say to me too that she would want you to have full, productive life and be happy! She would not want you to grieve forever. I know how hackneyed the expressions are -they do not convey the pain and loss I and you feel now. Nobody prepared me for this. I hope to someday look up in the sky and see her and feel free of the loss and sorrow. That is something I strive to look forward to. That is all I can say.

God bless Frank.

Permalink Reply by Yolanda Sierra on September 17, 2010 at 1:10pm

Thanks for that advice it's nice to know that I'm not alone. People who tell me to move on still have their parents so it's kind of hard to take their advice even though they are trying to make me feel better. Hopefully I can start coming to terms with all of this but the pain is so bad.

Francis Valente III said:

Hi Yolanda I just lost my Mom on Sunday and we are having wake today and burial tomorrow. I know the terror and horror you feel! I feel like I am in a fog! I am also in disbelief as well. I like you wonder if I will ever see life and the world in the same way again. I can only hold onto the fact that her pain and suffering are over ( she was ill for a year) and she is with the lord.

I can only say to you and I say to me too that she would want you to have full, productive life and be happy! She would not want you to grieve forever. I know how hackneyed the expressions are -they do not convey the pain and loss I and you feel now. Nobody prepared me for this. I hope to someday look up in the sky and see her and feel free of the loss and sorrow. That is something I strive to look forward to. That is all I can say.

God bless Frank.

Permalink Reply by Yolanda Sierra on September 17, 2010 at 1:10pm

Hi Yolanda I just lost my Mom on Sunday and we are having wake today and burial tomorrow. I know the terror and horror you feel! I feel like I am in a fog! I am also in disbelief as well. I like you wonder if I will ever see life and the world in the same way again. I can only hold onto the fact that her pain and suffering are over ( she was ill for a year) and she is with the lord.

I can only say to you and I say to me too that she would want you to have full, productive life and be happy! She would not want you to grieve forever. I know how hackneyed the expressions are -they do not convey the pain and loss I and you feel now. Nobody prepared me for this. I hope to someday look up in the sky and see her and feel free of the loss and sorrow. That is something I strive to look forward to. That is all I can say.

God bless Frank.

Permalink Reply by Francis Valente III on September 19, 2010 at 3:23pm

Yolanda-- everyone unfortunately will have to face this horrible thing so younger people have no idea of this experience! I did neither. There is no Dress-rehearsal for this! You have to take it as it comes! I suggest you get some help with a house of worship or other help! I have already--staying busy and positive is all I can do now!

Regards Frank.

Yolanda Sierra said:

Thanks for that advice it's nice to know that I'm not alone. People who tell me to move on still have their parents so it's kind of hard to take their advice even though they are trying to make me feel better. Hopefully I can start coming to terms with all of this but the pain is so bad.

Francis Valente III said:
Hi Yolanda I just lost my Mom on Sunday and we are having wake today and burial tomorrow. I know the terror and horror you feel! I feel like I am in a fog! I am also in disbelief as well. I like you wonder if I will ever see life and the world in the same way again. I can only hold onto the fact that her pain and suffering are over ( she was ill for a year) and she is with the lord.

I can only say to you and I say to me too that she would want you to have full, productive life and be happy! She would not want you to grieve forever. I know how hackneyed the expressions are -they do not convey the pain and loss I and you feel now. Nobody prepared me for this. I hope to someday look up in the sky and see her and feel free of the loss and sorrow. That is something I strive to look forward to. That is all I can say.

God bless Frank.

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