Loss of my Father

I lost my Father on Novermber 3rd, 2012. I was very close to my father and I dont think that I still belive that it is really happening. He had been fighting a form of MS for years, and was allways in pain, but still worked almost every day. I know that he is better now, but I cant believe it. He was only 67, and I am 32. He had many grandkids, and that is one thing that upsets me so much that he will not get to see them and they will not get to see him anymore. My little girl is 5, and she is pretty upset that grandpa is not here. He just had another grandson born that was only a month old and that tears me up. He was so proud of his grandchildren, he loved to spend time with them. I feel a huge void in my life now, I feel sick alot and dont have much ambition. I know it will take a little time to get back to normal, but it sure is hard. I used to call him all of the time to ask him questions, and I feel lost now. I call my mom and I still expect him to answer the phone. I have to stop myself from asking my mother, What is dad doing. I want one more time to talk to him, to ask him what I am supposed to do now. I know what the answer would be, and how he would tell me to be a man and take care of my family, but in a selfish way I just want to talk to him one more time. I could go on and on about how hard this has been, but I got alot of comfort in reading posts on this site. I know that I am not the only one going through this pain, it is a part of life that we all experience. I am glad that I am able to read and get comfort in sharing with you on here. I knew this day was coming, but did not expect it to be so soon. We are never ready i guess. So much left unsaid, undone. I know that the night that he died he was with me, I felt him there. My brothers family and mine were at my parents house and all of the grandchildren were playing in the living room and the rest of us were visiting. My dad had gone to be early because he didnt feel good. That was a common thing with the MS. We all said goodbye and took the kids home, and mom called and said that he did not wake up. I feel like he knew the grandkids were there, I feel like he was at peace when he went. I miss him greatly, he was a great man. I know he will be with me forever in my heart and mind.

I Love you Dad

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Permalink Reply by Beth Rad on November 18, 2012 at 12:56pm

Joe--

So sorry for your loss. What you are feeling is all very normal. Yes it takes time, but things will never be "normal". There will be a new normal as you learn to live with the physical absence of your dad from your everyday life. But he will always be with you. Just as you know what he would say in response to a question, he is there. He has shaped your life and that never goes anyway. He is in your heart and your mind and in how you view the world. What a beautiful crossing for him, with his loved ones close at hand, as he slipped out in his sleep. I know it is painful for you, he was very young to go. And he was a courageous man, working and living with such a dibilitating disease. We are never ready, even if we think we are. I lost my mom 2 months ago, 4 days after she fell and broke her hip and shoulder. She was almost 93. It is still a painful reality. Take care of yourself. Give yourself time and permission to grieve. Grief will jump up at you when you least expect it, even when you think things are OK. Just allow it flow through you and the honor the spectacular man who was your father and let his legacy live on in you.

Permalink Reply by Kathy Draper on November 18, 2012 at 1:58pm

Hi Joe,

I'm so sorry about what happened. I too lost my Dad when he was 67, which seemed to be so unfair because he was so young and, just as your Dad was, on the go until the end despite chemo and a lot of setbacks. I used to talk to him every day - I even had a special ringtone so I'd know it was him who called. I understand wanting to talk just one more time as he was my best friend. It's been six years now and I still want to call when I see something he'd find funny or to argue politics with him. He loved dogs and I wish he could meet my puppy and my niece - same as you do. It's not easy but he WILL be in your heart and mind forever. I just lost my Mom a month ago (she was only 70) so I'm going through this again as well. It was sudden, like your Dad, but completely unexpected. I think I'm in the denial phase because it's hard to think that they are both gone. I can't call their number and hear either voice anymore. But this site is helpful - knowing that others are struggling with the same issues. The grief process sucks (well, it does) but you have to go through it in your own time frame. Ignore people who think you should be over it becasue you'll never get over it.

Kathy

Permalink Reply by Melinda Ellen Guinn on November 18, 2012 at 3:45pm

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my only child 4/10. She came to me the day b/4 her funeral. I felt her rubbing my arms up and down as if to assure me, "it's ok." Last week I talked to a medium on the phone. She was very good! Candace didn't mean to die, she was drinking and took some Loritabs. Not enought to kill her but the combination proved to be fatal. There IS an afterlife! I believe in God. When you pass your Dad will come to take you Home. Try to remember your dreams, he'll probably visit you that way. I keep a tablet and pen by my bed so I can jot the dream down as soon as I wake up or else I'll forget it. They're all good on the other side, it's those left here who suffer. Your Dad is fine, try and be happy that he IS happy on the other side. Time moves very quickly in Heaven so your Dad is good! I also lost my Mom 2 mos. b/4 Candace. My Mom smoked and had throat Cancer but she couldn't bring herself to quit smoking. She was 81 yrs old. Candace had just turned 30. Her and her husband were raising 3 little girls, 8, 7 and 2 yrs. old. Pray to our Lord, He will ease your suffering.

Permalink Reply by TammyDHU on November 20, 2012 at 1:48am

What a special tribute to your father, Joe...you ought to be proud of yourself. You are thinking clearly and also in the best interests of your family, you may not realize that now through your grief but as time goes on you will see it as the best of legacies that your dad left to you.

You have the deepest of my sympathies, and my thoughts and prayers are with you through this rough spot in your life. My congratulations to your very mature attitude, and to the very right thing you have done in reaching out for help! We are here with you in spirit, as in the same mindset in healing ourselves through the difficulties ahead.

Be blessed my friend,

-Tammy

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