Misplaced...

My mom passed on June 14th. After a long and tiring battle with liver cancer that she was diagnosed with in Oct. of 2010.

I miss her terribly. I feel like I have honestly misplaced a piece of my heart. I am not sure how to grieve properly. I have been asked numerous times "How are you functioning right now?" My only answer is "it is better this way"

Is it really better? I am not sure. I am lost. I feel like I am making myself get out of bed, to take a shower, even do little chores around the house. I feel as if everyone around me doesn't understand. My husband I feel expects me to just "get up and go" I just can't. I have lost all motivation to thrive.

I know that my mom would not want this for me. How do I go on? How do I function without her? How do I get through the day without longing to call her?

I have only cried twice. The night she passed and the day of her funeral. Is that enough? Have I cried enough? I feel like I am not grieving like I should. I feel like I am just here.

I close my eyes and I see my mom. So it is easier to just stay awake. I went and saw a Dr. on Tuesday who prescribed me Ambien. It seems to knock me out and I still wake up not rested and just like a zombie. Is this normal?

Will I ever be right again? Will it ever feel like my heart is not shattered in pieces?

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Permalink Reply by Cindy Scull on June 25, 2011 at 6:08am

Natalie, My mom passed a year ago...I can't remember if I cried its all so dream like. My heart feels like a slice of pie is missing a deep void...My mother lost both her parents at a young age, I would wonder how did she managed life raising family cooking and cleaning etc. As you I felt like i just excist, life had no meaning untill I read a booklet she left behind. The miricles of God~It talked about the visiable and in-visable world, in which we can not see. Now I put her in a place in my heart, everything I do she is with me! Don't rob yourself of life...I did that when my dad passed, I lost 5yrs of true happiness...i would not could not do anything we did together. Now everything I do, I do with them. I truely feel there presance with me. When I'm cooking I can see her moving around the kitchen! Your mom she is with you always you are heart of her heart, soul of her soul...celebrate the life she gave you in time we will all be together again...the ones we leave behind will feel the same, when were gone! Be strong as your Mother would want...and you know that! Doctors can't persribe anything for grief we all grieve differant!

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