My mom passed Oct. 5, 2010 at the age of 66. I found out that she had been admitted to the hospital in Trenton, NJ in the middle of September where my parents lived. I high tailed it to NJ from NC and found out that she had stomache/liver and lung cancer. She told me that she wanted to live and to come back to NC with me and attend Duke University Hospital for cancer treatment. I was able to contact the director of the cancer center and get a appointment for the following week. On the day of her release Sunday , my aunt and I loaded 13 tanks of oxigen and my mom hooked up to one,into my car and headed for NC. Her appointment at Duke was for Tuesday Oct. 5th at 9am. When we got to NC my mom was so relieved to be "home" and told me that she loved me and life could not get better than this. We stayed up the next night laughing and talking about our "breaking her out of the hospital".She told me that she was tired and wanted to rest and kissed me. That night she started getting delirous and screaming and we had her rushed to Duke a day early. After they sedated her, doctors could not rouse her. I went in the room and kissed her forehead and one of my tears hit her eyelids. She turned her head and opened her eyes and looked at me and mouthed "I love you" and went back under again. The cancer was so far spread that they told me that she would have to permanently have a life support breathing(tube down her throat) in order to live because her right lung had collapse and she was only living off of 2/3 of her left lung. This was devastating to me! Doctors wanted to know if I wanted her to live like this or for them to remove the breathing tube. They said she was not coharent and could not answer the question for them. I went into the room and held her hand and called her name and kissed her. She opened her eyes and looked at me. I told her what the doctors said and asked her if she wanted to live like this. One blink for no and two blinks for yes. She sqeezed my hand and blinked one time for me. I asked her again just to be sure and she smiled and blinked one time again. I told the docs to remove the breathing tube. She held my hand and looked at me smiling until she passed a half hour later. Even though I was able to spend that precious time with her, I still feel like I have let her down because she told me that she wanted to live. I am having a hard time dealing with this and my 7 year old daughter is my rock support. Whenever she see me cry she grabs me and tells me that Nana is in a better place, she's not hurting anymore, and she probably has all the angels eating vegetables! How do you move on? I am a teacher assistant in pre-k and find myself bursting in tears at any given moment.