Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by s l watson on July 16, 2011 at 1:56pm

Cindy, we lost Daddy in 1992 and Mama in December of 2010.  Mama lived with me and had dementia so severely, she didn't know me.  She had been in a nursing home and her long term insurance had expired.  We were looking at the delimma of how to get more cash because the home was very expensive.  Fortunately, my job offered me an early retirement package.  I took the package and brought Mama to live with me.  But before that happened, we had sold her house.  She loved her house and so did Daddy.  They bought it when they were newly married in 1936.  My sister and I both grew up there so selling it was one of the hardest things we've ever done.  Keeping it was not an option for us because I live 100 miles away and sister lives 175 miles away.  The upkeep was very costly.  I was there last week to put flowers on Mama and Daddy's graves and drove by the house.  I can't see the love there now.  It is so painful.  But the love is in my heart, put there by wonderful loving parents.  That will always be there.  It is not found within the walls of a house.   From the practical standpoint, we had no choice but to sell the house.  We miss them but know we did the right thing.  It will never seem right to put that life behind me but with their passing the warmth of the house was gone.  It's the right thing to do. 

 

Permalink Reply by s l watson on July 16, 2011 at 1:56pm

Cindy, we lost Daddy in 1992 and Mama in December of 2010.  Mama lived with me and had dementia so severely, she didn't know me.  She had been in a nursing home and her long term insurance had expired.  We were looking at the delimma of how to get more cash because the home was very expensive.  Fortunately, my job offered me an early retirement package.  I took the package and brought Mama to live with me.  But before that happened, we had sold her house.  She loved her house and so did Daddy.  They bought it when they were newly married in 1936.  My sister and I both grew up there so selling it was one of the hardest things we've ever done.  Keeping it was not an option for us because I live 100 miles away and sister lives 175 miles away.  The upkeep was very costly.  I was there last week to put flowers on Mama and Daddy's graves and drove by the house.  I can't see the love there now.  It is so painful.  But the love is in my heart, put there by wonderful loving parents.  That will always be there.  It is not found within the walls of a house.   From the practical standpoint, we had no choice but to sell the house.  We miss them but know we did the right thing.  It will never seem right to put that life behind me but with their passing the warmth of the house was gone.  It's the right thing to do. 

 

Permalink Reply by Cindy Scull on August 18, 2011 at 5:59am

Your mind is a wonderful place so when your dancing at your wedding close your eyes.  And feel your Dad in your arms, you are heart of his heart...soul of his soul!

Karla said:

I lost my father in November 2010 and I miss him so badly.  I'm getting married next month and it has been so hard planning the wedding knowing that my father is gone.  I don't really think time does anything but help you learn to deal with the fact.  You will always have that spot in your heart for your parents and will always remember them.  I know when I got the news of my father it felt like part of my heart was removed.  I still have that part in my heart that hurts wanting to see him or talk to him and have that daddy daughter dance, but through the time I've learned how to know that part of my heart will always be gone.  Time doesn't heal all wounds....in my opinion...it just helps you learn how to deal with that part of your heart missing and fill it with loving memories because you will never forget your parents and they always have that place in your heart.

Permalink Reply by Jennifer Pompeo on August 20, 2011 at 8:04pm

Hi Everyone,

My name is Jenn. I am new to the group.  My father passed away June 6, 2010 from lung cancer.  I find the hardest thing that I am struggling with right now is that life will never be the same. When dad died, part of me went with him.  He was a die-hard fisherman, and I find myself grieving the most on days like today.  I think to myself that he would have been out on his boat today, and maybe when "he gets home" I would come by with the kids. He would always refer to them as "his babies"!!

I feel very isolated, and when I try to reach out, my family and friends don't really understand. I had such a great dad.  In my opinion, he was the best dad in the world. He was only 68 when he died. I know your coping skills are supposed to get better as time goes on, but for me they only seem to get harder. I am open to any recommendations.  thanks for reading.

Permalink Reply by s l watson on August 20, 2011 at 10:56pm

Hi Jenn.  My heart still aches from the loss of my Daddy (October 1992) and Mama (December 2010).  I  often have something I want to ask one of them or something I want to tell them.  We never know what we have until we lose it.  How many times through the years did I choose to do things with friends or significant others and cancel plans with Mama and Daddy?  I wish I had that time back.  I have always been told to enjoy them while they are here and now I offer the same advice.  No one ever really knows the emptiness until they feel it for themselves.  But, there are so many people who have terrible parents so we are lucky that we were loved and we loved them in return.  My Daddy was a commercial fisherman but he so loved his life's work he did it as a hobby as well.  Some of my happiest memories are of he and I alone on his boat.  Sixty eight is way to young.  My Daddy was 80 when he passed and Mama was 95.  How lucky I was to have them for so long.  We'll always miss them but that is how the cycle of life is supposed to work.  I can suggest a book that helped me.  It was written by a friend of a friend and it was loaned to me as a suggestion that may help in some small way.  Indeed it did.  I bought a copy and paid forward the kindness by offering it to my sister.  The name of the book is "In Lieu of Flowers."  I was comforted by it.  You have people in this forum who understand and care so just chime in when you have those dark moments and unload your burdens on us.  God bless you.

Jennifer Pompeo said:

Hi Everyone,

My name is Jenn. I am new to the group.  My father passed away June 6, 2010 from lung cancer.  I find the hardest thing that I am struggling with right now is that life will never be the same. When dad died, part of me went with him.  He was a die-hard fisherman, and I find myself grieving the most on days like today.  I think to myself that he would have been out on his boat today, and maybe when "he gets home" I would come by with the kids. He would always refer to them as "his babies"!!

I feel very isolated, and when I try to reach out, my family and friends don't really understand. I had such a great dad.  In my opinion, he was the best dad in the world. He was only 68 when he died. I know your coping skills are supposed to get better as time goes on, but for me they only seem to get harder. I am open to any recommendations.  thanks for reading.

Permalink Reply by Jennifer Pompeo on August 21, 2011 at 9:05am

Thank you for listening.  You are right about some people not having such great parents.  My sister and I say that alot, something to the effect of "Why did he have to be so great"! But those are the memories that we will cherish forever.  I will look into that book, I do appreciate your advice.  God Bless!

Permalink Reply by Judy on September 1, 2011 at 3:18pm

Cindy, letting go is the hardest thing ever to do!  I lost my Mom last year, and my nephew and I spent close to a year going through stuff, and finally put in on the market in December last year.  3 weeks later it was sold!  I kept what was near and dear to me, so 'parts' of them will remain with me.  That's what I treasure the most.  Prior to that, Mom sold the house we grew up in 4 years prior, the new peeps completely redid the inside.  I saw it after they were done.  That was painful.  Now all that's left are memories, some sad but mostly good.  Hang on to those!

 

Judy

Permalink Reply by Lori Sherry on September 8, 2011 at 4:14pm

Hi,

 

Yes, it does take time and things will get better.

 

I have had that feeling of feeling alone since my dad passed away last July but, I know that it will get better. My aunt and cousin were here a few months ago to help go through my dad's books and I'm not able to help with that but, I was O.K. that my family did it.

 

Well, my cousin and aunt went out to get some curtains for my parent's room and I wasn't happy about it and it was the wrong color anyway and I just cried alot and I was just missing my dad.

 

My mom and I went back to the store and returned the curtains and got the right curtains.

 

I have a hard time putting on a happy face at times. I'm a pretty emotional person.

 

We just need to be patient. It's really hard at times though.

 

If at anytime anybody wants to write to me through the website, you can.

 

Lori Sherry

 

 

 

Permalink Reply by Lori Sherry on September 8, 2011 at 4:14pm

Hi,

 

Yes, it does take time and things will get better.

 

I have had that feeling of feeling alone since my dad passed away last July but, I know that it will get better. My aunt and cousin were here a few months ago to help go through my dad's books and I'm not able to help with that but, I was O.K. that my family did it.

 

Well, my cousin and aunt went out to get some curtains for my parent's room and I wasn't happy about it and it was the wrong color anyway and I just cried alot and I was just missing my dad.

 

My mom and I went back to the store and returned the curtains and got the right curtains.

 

I have a hard time putting on a happy face at times. I'm a pretty emotional person.

 

We just need to be patient. It's really hard at times though.

 

If at anytime anybody wants to write to me through the website, you can.

 

Lori Sherry

 

 

 

Permalink Reply by Suzie on September 10, 2011 at 4:30pm

I just lost my dad June 26th 2011, some days I can get by and think of him and smile or laugh, love, and remember.

The last few days have been really hard though. I've become obsessed with his death - the moment of death actually.

I'm reading alot of info on life after death (which we really believe in), but alot of people try to turn it into a religious stuff and that makes me......close down I guess. I do NOT believe in God, but I do believe there is something out there.

Permalink Reply by Cindy Scull on September 10, 2011 at 5:11pm

Hi Suzie, There is a greater power above and beyond our imaginations.  What we experianced is pretty much the same...happy memories!  Then bam the feeling of void in the heart! I am at peace my parents are together, Dads death was a shock 12yrs ago. It took me 5yrs to get through, only to realize he never left me, i am heart of his heart! Mom and I were best friends and always did everything together when she passed she went through me.  I felt her, its hard to stay strong but she did tell me she would be with me everyday for the rest of my life!  At times i smell her, and have connections with her!   we have to think of what and how they want us to feel, and how they felt when they lost loved ones!

I say to myself when day is done, one more day closer to seeing you both again!