It will be a year March 30 that I lost my father to kidney cancer. We found out March 5th he had 18 leasion in his brain. His mental status was not normal and is what made my step mother encourage my father to go to the doctor. They told us he would have a few good weeks left w/o treatment. They gave us no real hope w/ treatment so we took him home. I am a only child and a daddy's girl. We were best friends did everything together. I had just left my husband and was filing for divorce. Even though his mental status was effected he would still look at me and ask me if I was ok. We had to keep telling him he had cancer because he would keep forgeting what was wrong w/ him so we stop telling him. I was blessed to have the time to spend w/ him during those days and telling him how much I loved him but it killed me to watch him get so weak. He got angry because he couldn't remember how to do simple things like work the tv remote. I would just telling him it was ok that I would do it for him. I will never forget the day I came to do my shift to sit w/ him and the sound he was making was terrible. Hospice said is body organs were shuting down and it would be only a couple of days before he would go. I told my step mom that we had to go to him and talk to him....tell him to let go. She wouldn't do it, so when she left to go to work I went to him. I told him I loved him more than anything in the world and I promised him that I would be ok. I told him it was ok for him to rest. He took his last breath at that moment.

I have never felt so much pain in my life. I have days where I just cry because I want to talk to him. I want to look at his pictures but I can't do it without crying. I try to go on and make him proud because that is what he would expect out of me. I just miss him so much. When will the pain go away?

 

Daddy's Girl

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Like you my mother was my bestfriend and we did everything together she died of cancer in 89 I was 21 years old the pain was unbearable but I can tell you that in time it got better I knew the pain she was in it wasn't fair to her she didn't want to die, I was fornuate to have my father until this last august he also died of cancer, but 3 weeks before his death he agreed to come live with me and my family those days I can't tell you how much it meant to all of us, we each got to have our time with him and to tell him goodbye, my father was 87 so it was easier to let him go be with my mom and my 2 sisters who died when they were teenagers, and he was getting a place ready for my 17 year old son was killed in a headon collision november 19th 2010 a day before my father would have turned 88 if he had lived, so even though im going thru alot of pain like you right now the pain doesn't seem like it will ever get better but it does get easier and you remember all the goodtimes, how I wish my mom was here when i got married had my kids and especially now when i lost my baby boy but I know she is taking good care of him until i can be with them one day in heaven.

 

Hugs

 

Terri

Hi Cindy-

  I am truly sorry for your loss. When I read the topic of your page asking when does the hurt stop, I stopped and thought for a minute because I feel I say that often. I lost my father in 06 and my mother in 07, I am the only child also. They were my life, my everything. Im now 21, 5&4 years without them and Its still hard as ever. I believe the concept that is better to use is that we learn to live with the pain, it dont ever go away because the greater the love the greater the pain. Some days are easier than others, somedays it hits u like the 1 st day. Its a roller coster but dont give up. I say to myself now, I didnt think Id make it past a day now im going on 5 years and thats because our angels give us STRENGTH to move forward because YES they want us too. You got to believe in that.  He is an a better place and for some reason we cant have all our questions answered but if you have hope, you have faith then you will hand it over to god and trust in him. The first years are really tough because its the first everything without your loved one, but he is there with you always maybe not physically but in spirit. The first anniversary is tough, but the anticipation of the waiting til that date is what makes us going crazy but once you get through it, it will be a burden lightened on your shoulders. I wish you the best! keep your head up !

Hi Cindy-

  I am truly sorry for your loss. When I read the topic of your page asking when does the hurt stop, I stopped and thought for a minute because I feel I say that often. I lost my father in 06 and my mother in 07, I am the only child also. They were my life, my everything. Im now 21, 5&4 years without them and Its still hard as ever. I believe the concept that is better to use is that we learn to live with the pain, it dont ever go away because the greater the love the greater the pain. Some days are easier than others, somedays it hits u like the 1 st day. Its a roller coster but dont give up. I say to myself now, I didnt think Id make it past a day now im going on 5 years and thats because our angels give us STRENGTH to move forward because YES they want us too. You got to believe in that.  He is an a better place and for some reason we cant have all our questions answered but if you have hope, you have faith then you will hand it over to god and trust in him. The first years are really tough because its the first everything without your loved one, but he is there with you always maybe not physically but in spirit. The first anniversary is tough, but the anticipation of the waiting til that date is what makes us going crazy but once you get through it, it will be a burden lightened on your shoulders. I wish you the best! keep your head up !

Hi Cindy,

I was wondering the same thing when does the hurt go away.  I lost my dad this past Dec 18, 2010 at 1:00AM.  He had was a diabetic, had congestive heart failure and was diagnosed with a subderal hematoma next to his brain.  It was so hard he would fall all the time and he didn't understand why.  He went into emergency surgery to remove the hematoma.   He came out of the surgery great, but with in two days he developed a high fever and a horrible cough where they would have to suction him.  They gave him antibiotics and he would get better but when they stopped the meds his fever came back. The infection had also caused him to stop talking for about 6 weeks.  It was so heartbreaking.  I went to see him as much as I could to give him a lot of love and support.  I kept telling him to keep fighting because we were.  Then a couple weeks before he passed away he started talking again.  He couldn't do simple things but I didn't mind I just wanted him better.  I told him everyday before I left him "I love you dad"  His response was I love you to J.  He had to start on dialysis and they did find an antibiotic for the infection.  He said he wanted to try walking and he wanted to go home.  I thought he was getting better.  We were all going to visit him the next day and shave his head and wash him up.  He was so thrilled about my brothers coming and my mom and I.  Unfortunately he passed away a matter of hours before he saw his family.  I miss him so much.  I just don't know how to handle it and wish he would come back.  He was only 71 and I felt he had more time with us.  He was such a wonderful person and we all are so sad by his death.

Hi Cindy, I lost my father also to cancer on April 8th 2009. He had colon cancer,stroke and many other issues. When I read: When does the hurt stop?  It made me feel that I am not alone in feeling this way. 

It is coming up on two years very soon and I also still feel the pain and loss.

I was his fulltime caregiver 24/7. My father was my best friend and the pain in my heart is very deep. 

I just wanted to suggest a really good book that was recommended on this site. It is called "In Lieu Of Flowers"  By Nancy Cobb. 

I  read the book three weeks ago and wanted to share that with you.

I hope that you get a chance to read it.

May your memories bring you comfort.

Kari

Thanks for all the replies. It has been very hard my father was only 65 he was full of life and had been a very successful business man. Not only being a single mother and grieving over the death of my father I have had to deal w/ his estate. He had remarried three years ago to a a very kind and loving woman that took good care of him. I have found it very hard though to have to split things w/ her or I have had to buy my own father's things just to be able to keep them. I might add that I have also had a hard time letting go of things as well. He had a lot of things that we made memories w/ boats, hot rods, motorcycles, homes and vacation home. Not to mention personal items (which I have kept a lot of that were of no real value to estate). I have cried when every item has sold, it is like a piece of him and me that is going away. We are down to one last thing ( a home by the river). I know it will kill me. I grew up on the river because of my father.

I cry on every holiday and changing season. It has gotten better w/ time and have stayed busy being a single mother. I also bought a foreclosure home that I could feel my father pushing me to do. He always pushed me to be independent. I have went back to school and I sit in his desk chair to do my studying. I don't know what to expect on March 30th the day of his death a year ago. I am sure I will be a mess but it will be ok for that day and I can only pray that it gets better each year.

Thank you.

Kari said:

Hi Cindy, I lost my father also to cancer on April 8th 2009. He had colon cancer,stroke and many other issues. When I read: When does the hurt stop?  It made me feel that I am not alone in feeling this way. 

It is coming up on two years very soon and I also still feel the pain and loss.

I was his fulltime caregiver 24/7. My father was my best friend and the pain in my heart is very deep. 

I just wanted to suggest a really good book that was recommended on this site. It is called "In Lieu Of Flowers"  By Nancy Cobb. 

I  read the book three weeks ago and wanted to share that with you.

I hope that you get a chance to read it.

May your memories bring you comfort.

Kari

I feel your pain and you have a beautiful story.  I lost my mom only two months ago.  I was lucky to have her a very long time, but I took her for granted.  I thought she would always be there.  I miss her every day.  There is never a day that I don't cry for her.  She was my best friend through all my life.  She was kind and loving and caring, but dementia took her down hard.  She lost her mind on December 2, 2010 and never returned.  She suffered for five long weeks before Jesus took her home.  I was with her for her last breath.  I just kept whispering to her that I loved her.  Hospice told me that the hearing was the last thing to go.  Even though she did not know me, I'm sure she heard my final words.  I told her it was alright to go to Jesus, and shortly after that she passed away.  We are blessed to have had such loving parents.  Please know that they are in a much better place now and are free from pain and suffering.
I feel your pain and you have a beautiful story.  I lost my mom only two months ago.  I was lucky to have her a very long time, but I took her for granted.  I thought she would always be there.  I miss her every day.  There is never a day that I don't cry for her.  She was my best friend through all my life.  She was kind and loving and caring, but dementia took her down hard.  She lost her mind on December 2, 2010 and never returned.  She suffered for five long weeks before Jesus took her home.  I was with her for her last breath.  I just kept whispering to her that I loved her.  Hospice told me that the hearing was the last thing to go.  Even though she did not know me, I'm sure she heard my final words.  I told her it was alright to go to Jesus, and shortly after that she passed away.  We are blessed to have had such loving parents.  Please know that they are in a much better place now and are free from pain and suffering.

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