In 5 days,will be three year anniversary of my brother not being here,it's hard to believe he's no longer here.I have the same pain,same heartache,same longing,same everything.I feel part of my grieving is on hold until I can acknowledge what happened to my brother.I keep going back and forth with thoughts.I go back to the day my brother went missing,the police searched the woods,but we knew he was gone.Then three days later it was a recovery of his body that it be found and given a proper burial.O course we prayed he'd be found in his car where they found it near the water and he'd be alive.But of course that wasn't the case and so this weighs on my mind and becomes obsessive at times.The heartache I have,I share with no one.It's a deep down feeling in your being and sometimes I feel family doesn't know what to say or they say to go on with your life and be happy.Your brother wouldn't want for you to be sad.I just want to cry.And on May 30 also coming up soon,will be 7 years my father passed.He had a rare form of cancer that metastasized to his liver.I miss my father beyond measure,he was a good father.I had wished at times I could have taken his cancer from him so wouldn't have suffered.He was home on hospice and passed at home.I love my father dearly,but the loss of my brother can't be compared.It's a different loss.I have some relief in knowing that they are both together and taking care of each other.

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Hi Elyse:

I feel your pain.  It has been three years since the loss of my sister Lisa.  I lost her in 2013 and my father in 2007.  I have come to realize that the pain, loss, and hurt never really leave but you learn how to go forward.  I know I will see them both again someday.  I feel their presence all the time and still do cry.  It is okay to cry-you have every right to do this.  I always feel that although they are no longer here in this world they are always with me.  I know your brother and father are always with you too.

Take care and God Bless.


Hi Elyse,

I know how you feel somewhat. I lost my brother to lung cancer in 2008. I think I am moving on, and something happens to bring me back to the days before he passed. He shook my hand very firmly and thanked me for all I had done. I knew that I might not see him alive again. The years pass and you really are hoping you will get better. But, grief is like the ocean. It can be calm one moment and you can see across the ocean very clear until the waves start coming and getting larger and you feel like you are going to be swallowed up. You can hardly breathe. Then your spirit quiets and you are looking out to sea until the next time the waves come. The way he died makes your loss more unbearable. I am certainly not measuring loss, but each loss is not the same as you stated. People will say to move on. But you can't. Move at your pace. I don't think we are ever the same after we lose someone. But, I pray you find a little peace on this site to know that we are all suffering and you can tell us anything and we won't judge. Be good to yourself and cry when you must. Your tears are washing away your sorrow each time you feel overwhelmed. Much love to you, Claretha


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