Hi all,

I am new this group, took me ages to find anywhere to go.... It's approaching 2 years since my younger sister Jessica passed away. Jess had a very rare form of Epilepsy, which meant when she was younger she would have a lot of seizures per day, until the doctors got her medication right. Jess passed away on the 14th of December 2012 from having a seizure that cut off her air supply very early in her bed and it was too late by the time anyone came to wake her, she had been gone for a couple of hours at least.

Jess was such a beautiful person, inside and out, she just loved life and had just celebrated her 20th birthday 4 days before her passing. Jess had the biggest smile you have ever seen and such an infectious laugh.

I remeber something that a few people had said to my mum... At least she is no longer in pain. SHE WASN'T IN PAIN... SHE WAS ENJOYING HER LIFE! I swear sometimes you just feel like slapping some people when they say certain things. I understand that they are just trying to be nice... But they simply just don't get it! Just be there to listen, and not to offer their comments would be a good start.

I miss my Jess like crazy. and about this time every year since she passed, I have felt so depressed and I have refused to put up my christmas tree. It just doesn't feel right to celebrate without her. I mean, just how am I supposed to do that?

My mum has felt so lost until she found a group of people called "The Compassionate Friends", they take turns meeting once a month at eachother's house. That group has sure helped her to heal a little. My mum means everything to me and I take comfort in knowing she is doing ok.

I need to somehow feel better as it is taking a great toll on my marriage...

Any advise from others dealing with similar pain on how to cope would be great.

Thanks Lisa

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Replies to This Discussion

Hi Lisa:

I know how you are feeling.  My sister Lisa, age 49, passed away from neuroendocrine cancer on November 7, 2013.  It was absolutely the worst thing that has happened to me and I believe our family.  Lisa like your sister was beautiful inside and out and we were best friends-almost like twins although I am older.  Her one year anniversary was this year and now we embark on our second Christmas without her.  I too find it hard to put up decorations and be very "merry."  But I guess for the sake of my children and family I try to do some things just to keep some Christmas spirit. 

I have come to the realization life will never be the same and I will always have a huge void in my life.  But I am trying everyday to get through.  My mom is struggling so I will tell her about compassionate friends.  She has not wanted to join formal support groups however.  I really like this website as I can really write what I feel.

I hope you get through this holiday remembering your wonderful sister for all the goodness she brought to your lives.  Lisa was a real fun person and I always think as I am doing things that are joyful she is there right with me, laughing and wanting me to be happy also.

Please find some peace and keep writing.

Best,

Karen

Hi Karen,

I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for your reply and kind words. I feel that the pain never goes away, it just becomes part of our everyday life.

I don't have children as yet. I will be turning 30 on christmas day and hope to have children with my husband soon. Jessica would have turned 22 next month on the 10th.

My thoughts are with you and your family at such a diffult time as this.

Hi Lisa,
I just read your post and can totally relate to how you're feeling.
I lost my little sister suddenly in her sleep also at age 32, June 25th 2012.
My marraige almost ended earlier this year due to my grief and my husbands inability to understand how hard it's been for me to recover.
I've got to go to work now but look forward to being your friend.
Love meghan

Hi Meghan,

Thanks for your reply. I am so sorry for your loss. I'm sorry to hear your marriage almost ended. My husband has been pretty good with me over the past 2 years since Jess passed, but it is true that they have an inability to understand what is is like to lose a sibling. I have been with my husband about 10 years, but we only got married May of this year. I was so upset that my sister could not be next to me on that special day. I have taken out so much of my anger on my husband... I think sometimes we hurt those closest to us because it is so easy to do.

I believe that time can heal some wounds, but I am yet to feel any healing from losing my sister.

I hope you are doing ok. Sending hugs your way.

Also looking forward to your friendship.

Lisa xx

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