It's been almost 11 months since my sister was shot, September 4 will mark a year she has been gone... My little sister, 19 years, was shot and killed in 2012 by her fiance two weeks before her wedding and 2 months before her birthday. A moose hunting accident in Alaska.  You find the moment your notified seared into your brain, my mother at the door crying ( my mother doesn't show emotions, red flag) then the news.. The family all pulled together that night for support.  The numbness hits and stays coupled with denial but it's the family crumbling apart that follows. My grandmother attacking my mother and aunt for questioning my sister's fiance's motives, Did he do it on purpose? what really happened? As her sibling, the daughter the granddaughter the niece I got stuck in the middle, trying to appease one or the other, comfort and not offer my opinion as not to start a fight. I had to ask around to find if this family attacking one another happened with others and found out it did, competing for who did more or loved more.  I still break down alot, the regret of things I didn't get to do with her, the wondering what her future would of held, the longing to grow old together and have eachother when the rest of the family had since departed... I believe I just needed to get all this out, the weight and pressure can be alot sometimes... I  hear the first year is the hardest... how  have others delt?  I guess I'm just reaching to others to find how they have made it thru the first year and after.

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I am so sorry for your loss. It is true that the moment you find out your sibling has died is forever seared into your memory. My brother was found dead in his home close to 19 months ago (12/31/11). While I have found that the first year is difficult- it extends past that. For me- every "first" is painful and may not occur within the first year. I have a 5 yo son. My brother was present for every milestone event up until his passing- so every milestone my son reaches is met with gladness but also for a longing that his Uncle Brian could be there too. I pray you'll be able to find peace and comfort among your grief & hurt.
Sandy

Crystal.

Sorry to hear about your loss.  My sister committed suicide two years ago.  Several members of my family went through the questioning phase, blaming, "why didn't her husband do more", anger and trying to make sense of the  whole thing.  The best description I have come up with so far is grief is like a huge roller coaster.  The first big drop is a shock and the rest of the ride is full of ups, downs and unexpected turns.  People still try to share with me the "timelines" for recovery.  I have given up on any time schedules and just keep working at it.  I fell better but some members of my family are still stuck in the blame and anger.  Take care!!! and Keeping working at it.

Mark A 

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