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I lost my younger brother 4 weeks ago

Started by Jamie Ann. Last reply by Ewa Toole Feb 5, 2020. 36 Replies

5 yr Anniversary

Started by elyse. Last reply by Melinda CANDACE Guinn Jun 10, 2019. 1 Reply

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Comment by Melinda CANDACE Guinn on October 12, 2015 at 2:34pm

I lost my little bro Doug. I called him Dougie when we were kids. I could always count on him for anything. It's ironic that he passed from PHT, Pulmonary Hypertension and he's s Respiratory Therapist. HIS JOB WAS TREATING PEOPLE WITH BREATHING PROBLEMS and he COULDN'T breath!! They'll probably find out it's contagious and you should wear a mask or be inoculated! I'm guessing. Too late for My Dougie!!!

Comment by Jennifer on October 12, 2015 at 2:13pm

Autumn I am sorry to hear of such a tragedy for you. I am sorry for your loss. One day at a time. Its been 3.5 years for me since I lost my brother suddenly and its still a daily hard road at times.  There is no time heals everything when this is the subject.  You learn to go through it and you cannot go around it.  Sometimes we yearn for life to make sense and it wont.  Surround yourself with love and let light in as much as you can. Each event has a lesson and I find it impossible to see that fully still.  Reach out. Happy thanksgivng

Comment by A.L Montgomery on October 12, 2015 at 11:08am



First, I am very sorry for your devastating loss. When someone says the word devastating- that is exactly what it is.  It levels everything.  You will not ever be the same.  You will become a new person, with new and deeper perspective, with a brand new dimension to every relationship you have now and will ever have.  Nothing any one single person can say will make what happened to your world back to normal after what happened to your sister. It is a process. A great, monumental process.

I lost my brother to a tragic accident 2 1/2 years ago and at ten months, I only barely began to fathom the true depth of my loss.  Losing your twin sister in such a way is far more complicated.  I can only tell you a little of my process and while it is not the same, the particulars may help you in at least appreciating the enormity what you are going to have to go through even when the people around you don't and can't possibly understand.  

My brother's accident was a big news story. The news and the publicity opens up a whole different level of hurt.  People comment, people are stupid and thoughtless.  People think they know everything because they read one picture caption or watch a 45 sec news clip.  People feel, out of true compassion or plain nosiness, that you may welcome their input while others pretend nothing happened because they are afraid they will hurt you.  

I can tell you that I found it far easier to open up and talk about the deepest part of my grief to complete strangers rather than my own loving family- a combination of not wanting to burden them with more pain and a sense that sharing my personal loss downgraded their personal pain.  One family member seemed to make it a competition of grief.

I can tell you that I went to work and on purpose froze all personal emotion so that I could make it through but at the end of the day, I would drive home so tired I was almost crying and I would just curl up on the couch and watch Netflix. At night, I ached in pain from the inside out and cried for hours. 

I can tell you the idea of anything that was different from my daily routine, like a flat tire or unscheduled meeting, put me into fits of anger or a spasm of anxiety and exhaustion that could last for days.    

About 2 years later I finally recognized a pattern to my grief cycle.  Days of extreme irritability, extreme anger, intense disinterest in anything, grief breath-( this weird pressure that seems to cinch my chest and keeps me from getting enough air), and sleeplessness followed by days of just sobbing deeply whenever I was alone.

Trying to put in words how I felt at any one particular time just defeated me.  Putting words to your deepest grief, the loss of day to day moments and conversations you miss with your loved one, makes it seem so mundane and matter of fact.  I hate how trivial the pain comes across.  On the other hand, now that I have had a space of time to absorb all this, when someone shares their grief with me, they do not have to use good words.  I get it.  I don't need a description of their pain to know how awful they must feel and how overwhelming and painful it must be. 

Your own grief will manifest itself in so many different ways you won't be able to keep up.  10 months is barely a blip of time.  I should think you have barely begun to process all of the impact emotionally, physically, and mentally.  The dynamics of losing your twin sister have only just begun to sort themselves out.  Add that to an act of violence and I can only imagine the desperation, the frenetic emotions, the mood swings. It will take time to see these things come up and learn how to adjust or respond. You have a right to take all the time you need to heal.  

Comment by LaurenS on October 12, 2015 at 8:01am


I lost my 29 year old little brother Brandon to a senseless murder 2 years ago today.  I think murder is a different kind of grief to deal with and talking to someone else who is further along in this grief process may help. It is a very complicated grief. I am VERY sorry for the loss of your twin sister.  I know what losing a close brother is like, but I have no idea how devastating it must be to lose someone that is like the other half of you.  I also believe this website is a good step and also you might want to try a support group at a counseling center if you can find one.  My mother and I went to a Murder Support Group about 6 months after my brother was killed and it was hard but I think it helped us open up and talk about it with others who were going through the exact same thing.  Feel free to message me as I am someone who is going through the same type of grief.  My thoughts are with you.  

Comment by Lisa W on October 8, 2015 at 3:20pm
Autumn take things one day at a time it will always be there the pain but you wil learn to live your life .
Your not alone ❤️
Comment by Melinda CANDACE Guinn on October 2, 2015 at 7:20pm

Autumn, This is a good step, to talk about it.Prayer is helpful, surrounded by others. Go to church where there's more people, strength in numbers seems to help more. You have my sympathy, your twin, no words seem adequate.

Comment by Melinda CANDACE Guinn on October 2, 2015 at 7:15pm

I have pictures of my brother Doug on my desktop. I put them there way b/4 he left. His wife sent me an 8 x 10 of My Dougie holding his Les Paul bass. I, just today, asked his wife if I could buy his Fender Stratocaster if they're going to sell it. I asked for a t-shirt too.He left 9/22/14, but I haven't been able to think straight to ask for something of my lil' brother's until today. He's my lil' brother, I should be there to greet him!!! 

Comment by Autumn Smith on October 2, 2015 at 6:43pm

Hello, I lost my twin sister summer francis smith about 10 months ago to a tragic murder up in Lake Stevens, WA. We are still going through a investigation and they are tracking down who did it. The suspect has still not been found. I've tried almost everything to get over what has happened. I am so traumatized from it all I just have been falling apart lately. What is everyone's opinions feedback maybe they can give me to help me go on in my life be happy and let go what has happened.

Comment by Danielle McEwen on August 18, 2015 at 6:17am

My sister will be gone 2 years on Saturday. It is surreal to think that it has been 2 years since i heard her laugh, saw her smile, and talked to her. She was killed in a head on collision at the age of 21 and every day my heart breaks that she did not get to live her life. She had just been married a couple weeks earlier and it devastates me on a daily basis. RIp my dear little sister...I miss you every day.

Comment by Jenny R. Glaze on July 16, 2015 at 12:05pm
Hi everyone,
I too am grieving the loss of my younger sister Theresa.
She was killed by her second husband of nine months.
I have attended a very helpful support group locally called GriefShare.
But it's nice to be able to share with others in an online group as well.

I'm sorry for each of our losses.

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