This is a forum for those who have been affected by a loss from a murder/suicide

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Latest Conversations: Feb 10, 2015

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Advice on Getting Through Trial

Started by LaurenS. Last reply by LaurenS Apr 7, 2014. 2 Replies

I had a black dog, his name was Depression.

Started by Janet Garrett Nenzel. Last reply by Janet Garrett Nenzel Feb 14, 2014. 3 Replies

My Son my only child taken ?

Started by lorraine kelly. Last reply by Bera Jan 26, 2014. 1 Reply

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Comment by Jason R on June 2, 2014 at 12:14pm

Jeff,  I am just reading your story and the terrible circumstance that you and your family are dealing with.  I can appreciate that I have no idea what you must be going through.

Death is not supposed to be normal.  Living with the grief of losing those we love was never intended.

The reason I am writing, is to extend comfort to you, from one human to another.  I would like to offer a perspective that I now have.  One that helps me deal with the difficult times that we all are facing.

I am going to make a statement that may seem controversial or "religious" but I am convinced it is a statement of truth.

This life is NOT all there is...

While many persons will easily say they agree with that statement,  and most people want to believe it, they are often not convinced and have failed to prove that it is indeed true.

I would like to offer you the opportunity to be convinced that this life is not all there is.

This truth, is only found in the Bible.

If you would like to learn more about this hope click the link below.

Why Study The Bible?

Jeff, I hope that you will consider this information.    It has changed the lives of millions.  Some of whom themselves are enduring tragic circumstances.

I will pray that you and your family have the peace of God while you endure this most difficult time.

Comment by Margo powell on February 26, 2014 at 12:01am
Jeff, If you feel you are up to going to a movie, I would like to suggest you find a theater which is showing, "Son of God" this weekend. Take your wife to this amazing movie. I know you will walk out with a new perspective. God is a loving Heavenly Father, who is SOOO merciful. He knows how you are suffering. Families are so important in God's plan for His children. Your son-in-law exercised his free will which unfortunately, was influence by evil. Whether it was jealousy, fear of loss or anger, that compelled him to make the choice he did, he is the one who will forever suffer for his dreadful actions.
Wishing you strength, healing and hope:) Aloha, Margo
Comment by Lisa on February 25, 2014 at 10:27pm

You are so right, in a strange way hearing others terrible situation puts it all in perspective.

I have never been a real religious person, and like you through this tragedy my faith waivered even further away.  Each person has their own type of faith, doesn't matter.  But I will say I heard the other day someone say who also faced a tragedy reply to someone who said their faith waivered and questioned how God could allow such a terrible thing to happen.  The person responded, that this may not have been God's plan, that God is standing right beside you, holding your hand and also weeping.  But He is supporting you as you travel down this road.  For me, that kind of put things in perspective that God didn't plan the loss of these so very young people and he too is weeping for the loss.  I too am going to red the book 'I was not ready to say goodbye.  Thanks to others for your suggestions as well, as I have not been heard of them either.

Comment by Jeff King on February 25, 2014 at 9:06pm

Thank you again everyone. I was at a particularly low point when I started writing on this forum. Your inputs, advice, and knowing that it is possible to get through this helps. I must admit though, hearing how long it takes, and that you just have to find a new normal isn't what I wanted to hear. That said, knowing what you face is helpful. My wife and I just attended our 4th group grief counseling meeting tonight, and for the first time the discussions left me feeling better afterwards rather than worse. Also, I'll start reading the book "I was not ready to say goodbye: right away. We received a copy from a friend the other day.

Again, thanks everyone for sharing a little about what you've had to go through. It sounds a little backwards, but somehow hearing about the awful things others have gone through feels somewhat helpful, if that's the right way to describe it. Sounds strange trying to put it on paper.

Comment by Janet Garrett Nenzel on February 25, 2014 at 2:15pm

Jeff, I have no words for your tragic loss other than I am so sorry and you will find understanding, support and comfort here.  This Sunday will be the one year anniversary of my son Garrett, who would be turning 23 in a few weeks.  I am like you in that my lifetime faith has been shattered.  There are support groups in your local area I am sure (check with funeral homes/hospitals) Grief (I've just begun their 13 week 1 1/2 hour course) some great books to read, my favorite, I Was Not Ready to Say Goodbye, online private groups and more when you are ready.  I totally relate to your comment of all your future plans and dreams as I lost those myself through a horrible divorce during Garrett's death and the estrangement of my oldest son.  It is a "new normal" which will take some time to find.  In the meantime, ask for help when you need it, lean on those who truly understand when others have drifted away which unfortunately happens.  My heart goes out to you.  Hugs, Janet

Comment by Jeff King on February 25, 2014 at 12:45pm
The comment about a new way of living hits so close to home. Kelly was my only child and while I hadn't thought about before, a huge part of my life and plans for the future revolved around her and latter on her and her family. When I remarried, having room for the kids when they came to visit was even a big part of picking a new home to live in. It's like every dream you had was taken away only to be replaced by loss, terror, guilt, anger and who knows what to call them sorts of feelings.

It looks like many of you have found strength through your beliefs in God. Unfortunately, I've always leaned towards doubt in that area and now, when I think belief might be quite a comfort to me I find the realities of the situation to make me question even more.
Comment by T.C. Goodwin on February 25, 2014 at 5:44am

Thanks for sharing the beautiful picture of your family... Yes, although God may not remove our problems he will give us the strength to endure like he did with the faithful man Job. Thank you again for letting us take a glimpse of your precious memory.

Comment by Margo powell on February 25, 2014 at 12:19am
Jeff, Wow, your daughter is Gorgeous and those 2 beautiful children SOOO precious! They looked as though they were very happy:) I have a friend who lost her 3 children and husband in a tragic house fire he caused. Her son appeared to her grandfather as an angelic spirit the morning after they all died. He was dressed in white. He told his grandpa to give their mother a message. Then the morning of the funeral, all of her children's faces appeared in the mirror as she was getting ready. They were smiling and their beautiful faces glowed. If you can imagine your ex-wife, your beautiful daughter, Kelly with her sweet children together in a realm where they are happy and safe, I believe you will find the strength to endure this tragedy. One day you will see your loved ones again, never to be separated again.
It is true that I have prayed for you and your family many, many times since I read about the loss of your loved ones. Having experienced some very difficult and tragic losses myself, I can only say the pain you are feeling will come in waves like a tsunami. The roller coaster you are on will last for some time but if you will pray OFTEN, God will sustain you and give you the strength to endure. Sometimes it seems like a minute by minute process. I hope you have a strong support system around you. May you know your loved ones are never far from you. Wishing you peace. Margo
Comment by Lisa on February 24, 2014 at 9:10pm

Hi Jeff,Let me start by saying I am so sorry for your loss and the struggles you are facing.  What a beautiful family.I do understand what you are going through though I did not lose a son or daughter, but I did lose my nephew who was like a brother, his girlfriend and their two young sons to a murder suicide, my nephew did it.  I won't say that things will get better and it will be easier to cope, as it will be 3 years this May and I still feel the pain.For me, it was learning a new way of living, what happened changed the person that I am.  In time you learn to work through the emotions and you are so right, so many different emotions than what you deal with in a different kind of loss.  I searched and searched for somewhere to find something where someone would understand and not judge, this is what I found.  I know that I can come here and share what I'm feeling or going through and someone will understand.Things will get easier to deal with Jeff, but you need to allow yourself to feel the feelings to work through them.

Please know you are not alone, though I know that is how you feel.  Think of those you lost and they would want you to live each day.

Please let me know if I can be of any help to you.


Comment by Jeff King on February 24, 2014 at 8:20pm


My daughter and grandkids were indeed beautiful, both inside and out. Since you're familiar with the area, here is one of many photos we took last November in Layton out towards the lake on the boardwalk at a nature preserve.


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