Hello,My brother was murdered nearly 5 months ago by his friend and roommate.  He was 29. He was shot in the head after a night of hanging out at the local bar, while he was lying in his bed with his girlfriend trying to sleep.  We have no idea why his friend murdered him other than jealousy/self esteem issues. Obviously these are not good reasons but the whole things feels like a terrible nightmare and there just are no reasons for it.  He owned the house in an upper class suburb and did not have any altercation with his friend that night.  The murderer was at my parents' house a week before, our whole family was there and we sang "Happy Birthday" to him.  We grew up with him, he was one of us. 

Not only am I dealing with the crippling loss of my little brother (4 years younger than me), but very soon the case will be going to trial.  the defendant  is charged with aggravated murder.  The prosecutors have evidence that his friend planned to kill him.  That fact alone just knocks me to the ground-  how could ANYONE want to hurt my innocent brother who was loved by all?  My family can't wrap our heads around it and I don't know if we ever will.  It's still a shock to me.  I ask myself constantly How?  Why??  He was a father of a six year old little angel, a brother, son, grandson, loved boyfriend.  He's the person who would give someone the shirt off his back, and he trusted his friends like nothing else.  And the person he was so kind to and tried to help out by letting him live there SHOT HIM IN THE HEAD.  Even now 5 months later those words cut through me like a knife.

Also his killer is out on bail right now-  in his parents' house.  He's dangerous and the people of our town are scared of him but he just gets to sit in there watching TV and eating and living with his family while my family is grief stricken.  It makes me sick that he is even out at all.  I know he's going away but with no prior offenses he will probably get the minimum sentence, and I prepared to be disappointed with that.   But i know our court system doesn't always do justice and you can't do anything about it.

The trial will no doubt be an emotional and stressful time for us all.  This is a small suburb where everyone knows everyone.  We KNEW the killer.  We know his parents.  We thought we knew him.  My brother's girlfriend and also best friend will be taking the witness stand.  My parents and my surviving brother will have to endure the trial also, as well as many extended family.

Does anyone who has had to go through this awful awful time have any advice for getting through this?  It it like a black cloud looming in front of me.  I want to get it over with and at the same time I want it never to come.

We don't have a date yet, but they think it will be in April or May bc the defense has been dragging their feet of course.  That will be 6-7 months after his death.

Any thoughts would be so greatly appreciated.  I am sorry that anyone else has had to go through this terrible thing. Thank you.

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Replies to This Discussion

Lauren, Your story is so sad:(. I wish I had some advice that would help you get through the trial. I suppose the one thing that will give some solace is that your brother's murderer will never be free. He may be out on bond but his fate, knowing he has taken an innocent life, of a friend none-the-less will plague him throughout this life and the life to come.
I pray justice will be served! It sounds like the prosecutor has evidence which will get a conviction. That won't make up for the loss of your brother but hopefully you'll see him get what he deserves. Stay strong! My prayer is that you will find peace!

Thank you Margo.  I know that his murderer is already suffering, mentally and in other ways.  In a way, his freedom is already taken and he knows it.  He can't go out and have a normal life.  In a weird way I don't hate him.  I feel that love is more important and I know there is something obviously wrong with him mentally.  So i feel more sorry for him than hateful.  Thanks.


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