My brother murdered his wife then killed himself

My brother killed his wife and then murdered himself just a few days ago. I feel like I'm in some kind of nightmare. This kind of thing only happens on tv or in books. I never would have thought that my oldest brother had this capabilitie ....to do this. He and his wife (2nd wife) drank alot and fought all the time. There was a domestic dispute prior to this happening and I don't know the details. You go over and over in your head what would have drove him to this and how could he have done this . He is blessed with three wonderful children, and he left them they have no father now, they are broken and full of grief. How does a person do this?

My younger brother and myself are numb. This is not the brother we know and love and remember. How do we live with this tragedy. The fact that he murdered his wife??? Then how does a person kill themselves, shoot themself? I need help, I act like I am strong but I'm not I'm so very distraught and so full of grief. I'm sad, embarassed-I'm ashamed to say, shocked and most of all concerned that now that he is dead and he murdered and then committed suicide he will not rest in heaven.......

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Permalink Reply by Sabrina on October 14, 2010 at 2:40pm

I am so sorry you are dealing with this, and to leave three children! At least in my situation, my siblings and I were all grown and we can see a reason for it - my parent's terminal illness'. I don't really know what to say to comfort you to be honest. He was obviously in a lot of pain to get to the point of suicide. Whether it is physical pain or mental pain. I wouldn't worry about the heaven part, you really have NO possible control over that. Focus on the three children right now. I found that having a "to do" list and focusing on getting things done, no matter how small was therapeutic. I think the three children are who you should focus on, do whatever you can to let them know you are there for them completely.

Permalink Reply by Maria on October 14, 2010 at 8:14pm

There are so many questions we will never know the answers too. For me it got a bit easier when I stopped trying to figure it out, cause even if I had the answers it was not going to change anything, my parent would still be dead. I agree with Sabrina, the children need your love and support most. They need to know its not their fault and permission to know they could not have prevented it. They need to know that they are not alone in the world now that their parents are gone, they still have family that loves them. At least those are the things I needed. My heart to yours...Maria

Permalink Reply by Raquel Macias on October 15, 2010 at 11:10am

I am so sorry to hear of you horrific lost. Stop trying to figure it out because you won't be able to. I agree try to reach out to the children and you will begin to heal. I understand your circumstance I went through it one year ago and I still cannot figure it out. I will pray for you and your family. Want can we do to stop this, I had no idea it was as common as it is. Life is a terrible thing to waste, value yours and what you can do for others. xoxo

Permalink Reply by SUE on November 16, 2010 at 1:07am

Im terribly sorry. It is one of the hardest imaginable loss to survive. The loss of a loved one who took anothers life and then their own. If you require help ask for it okay. There is no shame in admitting you are human. See your doctor your therapist councellor whatever. Do what you need to do to get you thru the rough stuff and keep talking. I felt the same way about the suicide of my brother...not going to heaven etc. Frankly bothered me that members of my own family felt and voiced he wouldnt. I dont care what others believe because I believe in a different god than them if thats what they think of god. Im not an overtly religous person(more rebel) however so definately no authority its just what I believe .
Im sorry you have reason to be here but glad you found us. Be gentle with you.
Sue

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