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Please allow me to pass on my sincere condolences for your loss.
I feel like I have a very long and endless road ahead of me today. My 16-year-old completed his suicide attempt on October 7, 2009. His remains were not recovered until a week later. I knew he was having problems, but WHY use this way to try to solve them?!? Today was especially bad because the feelings came out of nowhere. I fell apart. And, truthfully, all the resources in this world cannot keep the grief and feelings of loss away. This is a day that I will never, ever forget.
Please allow me to pass on my sincere condolences for your loss.
I feel like I have a very long and endless road ahead of me today. My 16-year-old completed his suicide attempt on October 7, 2009. His remains were not recovered until a week later. I knew he was having problems, but WHY use this way to try to solve them?!? Today was especially bad because the feelings came out of nowhere. I fell apart. And, truthfully, all the resources in this world cannot keep the grief and feelings of loss away. This is a day that I will never, ever forget.
Debbie Polidora said:Sue,
I've just joined this site, so I'm not sure if I'm doing this correctly. I'd first like to say how sorry I am for all of the people that have posted here. The loss of a child or sibling or parent is something that is difficult to endure at best, but to lose that person to suicide is unbearable. I wanted to let you know that I needed to see this info that you posted for suicide survivors. I lost my son, Joey, to suicide on June 20, 2008. He was only 26 years old. My life has been changed forever. I don't know how the people who have lost someone so recently can even see straight, never mind find this site and start posting. I commend them. They are much stronger than I. I still cry every day and think about Joey constantly. I also have the same questions as everybody else; mainly, "why?". I guess I will never have the answers until I see Joey again. I can only hope and pray that he is in a better place than the one that he left behind and is not longer in pain. I only wish I knew and could have helped. The helplessness that those left behind feel is absolutely debilitating.
Thank you-This was extremely helpful. Having lost my former husband in August of this year I am constantly seeking information and advice from survivors. Our two fifteen year olds are devastated and I am so concerned about them. They have so many questions as do I. I am afraid that they are holding so much in.
We have been on autopilot for the past few months but our situation still does not seem real. Thank you again for your post.
My daughter and I have been in counseling. My son went once and refuses to return. I am actually a Counselor myself for school aged students but feel so helpless in this personal situaion. You are correct in the EX comment. I did look back at my post and wondered if I had something relating to your comment. I am curious as to how you got there. We were actually together for 25 years-since we were kids in college. I took care of him our entire lives and once I stopped he could not do it independently. I stopped because he would not get help and I made the decision to try and save 3 of us when in fact most days I feel as if he is still going to take all of us down. I dissolved the marriage 2 years ago and he moved to an apartment less than 5 minutes from our home. He was a kind, compassionate, giving, selfless person who suffered w/ depression for years. He had difficulty in terms of employment and finally saw gambling as an out. It is ironic to me that he lived his life most unselfishly and in the end I feel that his final act was extremely selfish to those of us left to pick up the pieces. My level of guilt is so extreme that it is difficult to function. Although I know it was HIS choice to end his life and never seek help, I can't help but wonder if he could have hung on if I had not taken the one thing from him that did make him feel good and he was proud of-his family. I realize that all of the what-if's are pointless now but how can you not play out different scenarios in your head? Our hearts are broken and even after almost 4 months the tears won't stop as they are flowing as I write.
I can't get the vision of finding him out of my head as well as the next 18 days of staying by his side while he was in a coma-changing hospitals for a second opinion and then on to the final hospital where I lay w/ him as he took his last breaths......The pain is unbearable but I WILL remain strong for our children and continue to pray that small things get us through the long days and nights. He was a wonderful Dad and we have great children. I will pray for strength to finish the job we started of raising our beautiful children. I know that finding this site has been a Gift from above as it is comforting to know and understand that there are others who have experienced the same type of tragedy and do Survive. Thank you for your time.
My daughter and I have been in counseling. My son went once and refuses to return. I am actually a Counselor myself for school aged students but feel so helpless in this personal situaion. You are correct in the EX comment. I did look back at my post and wondered if I had something relating to your comment. I am curious as to how you got there. We were actually together for 25 years-since we were kids in college. I took care of him our entire lives and once I stopped he could not do it independently. I stopped because he would not get help and I made the decision to try and save 3 of us when in fact most days I feel as if he is still going to take all of us down. I dissolved the marriage 2 years ago and he moved to an apartment less than 5 minutes from our home. He was a kind, compassionate, giving, selfless person who suffered w/ depression for years. He had difficulty in terms of employment and finally saw gambling as an out. It is ironic to me that he lived his life most unselfishly and in the end I feel that his final act was extremely selfish to those of us left to pick up the pieces. My level of guilt is so extreme that it is difficult to function. Although I know it was HIS choice to end his life and never seek help, I can't help but wonder if he could have hung on if I had not taken the one thing from him that did make him feel good and he was proud of-his family. I realize that all of the what-if's are pointless now but how can you not play out different scenarios in your head? Our hearts are broken and even after almost 4 months the tears won't stop as they are flowing as I write.
I can't get the vision of finding him out of my head as well as the next 18 days of staying by his side while he was in a coma-changing hospitals for a second opinion and then on to the final hospital where I lay w/ him as he took his last breaths......The pain is unbearable but I WILL remain strong for our children and continue to pray that small things get us through the long days and nights. He was a wonderful Dad and we have great children. I will pray for strength to finish the job we started of raising our beautiful children. I know that finding this site has been a Gift from above as it is comforting to know and understand that there are others who have experienced the same type of tragedy and do Survive. Thank you for your time.
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