Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Debi on November 19, 2009 at 9:26pm

Bless your heart.I buried both my exs this last year.I was with them for a few decades.One slowly killed his self ,the other in an instant.My son and I found him.People dont know how to treat you or the situation.Especially if it was suicide.I tried to help him also ,but he didnt want help.At times he thought he did ,but not enough to receive it.I had the same feelings.Altho I was and still am mad at him.Which I believe is justified.To do something like this they have to be in a state of mind that is full of pain.You need to always know there is hope and a better day.Me and mine had words between us too.That does not put any blame on you.Havent we all had our troubles and seemed to over come them.Have faith and be strong in prayer ...

Permalink Reply by SUE on November 21, 2009 at 2:03am

Justyn,
Im very sorry that you have lost your ex this way. You are sadly not alone and this is a safe place for you to talk about him and your loss of him, because we do get it.
I became a survivor 7 years ago when I lost my brother. I barely remember the first year, I do know that I endured such pain and loss that I could barely breathe. Baby steps J , just go slow, and please be gentle with yourself.
I recently learned (long story) that my ex has been missing since 1997 and is presumed dead. His sister believes suicide. I was his first love. Things went sour, I landed on my feet, he landed in jail. I could not help him. I never stopped loving him, but I moved on with my life without him.
If there was anyway at all we could of stopped them we would of. He surely knows how much you tried, and he must of tried his best for as long as could too..he lost his fight with an illness as lethal as any cancer or heart attack . He wasnt himself. Im very sorry for your loss of him.
What to do ? Find a therapist or support group. See your doctor for the things you cant handle. Take it one day at a time, and hopefully you have the support and understanding from those close to you. If I can help at all please let me know.
Sue (((hug)))
Sue

Permalink Reply by Lam on November 21, 2009 at 9:32pm

I am in the same suitation. My ex text messaged me while he was taking his last shot.( overdose). I always wonder what if i could have done differently, he would still be here. No one could believe that he is gone because he was always a happy person with warm smiles.

I feel the same way that i am going to go crazy, so lonely, the pain is so intense that i barely can eat anything. There are many time i wish he would take me with him because i don't seem like getting over it. It's been a month but it seems like just yesterday, i cry and scream alone in the car for him.

I am here to listen if you want to talk about it. You have to let it out.

Permalink Reply by Trish on November 27, 2009 at 5:59pm

This is all normal for the for the ones left behind from what I read. I lost someone very close to me, It has been 2 1/2 yrs. and felt from the start if only I could have opened up my eyes and listened six months before he took his life I maybe could have stopped this.
I still hurt but not as much because even though I know he is right by my side. There isn't one day that passes without me thinking of him, but as time go's on I don't blame myself, the anger, guilt , pain, has subsided.
You said no one gets it, I think everyone that has had someone take his life understands what you are going through. I am here for you, along with the others on the site.
I want you to think of all the good things in your relationship because that is what keeps me going. I thought I would go crazy and each and every day proves I'm not. Pain has turned to understanding. If you need to talk I'm here.

Been there its not an easy expirence. Painful yet I'm so very happy to have had him in my life. I'm sure you feel the same way. You said you argued before, so did I and honestly believe that he did so I would move on. Do you feel that this could have been in your relationship??

Trish

Permalink Reply by TKF on December 7, 2009 at 10:35am

You could not have saved him. If your information is correct, the bottom line is that HE made the CHOICE to end his life. Nothing that any of us can do can save another person once they reach that point. Please consider Counseling or speaking with friends, clergy and family. Whenever we are close to someone who makes the decision to end their life we are forever effected but we must be determined to be Survivors' instead of allowing devastation to continue. I lost my spouse of 25 years in August and each day is a struggle both for myself and our 2 fifteen year olds. Take one day at a time and put your faith in God and find comfort in that your Ex is finally at peace w/ no struggles.
God Bless.