I just want to go with him at times, I just want to be with him.

Although it has been 17 days since we buried my fiancee Jerry. I still find myself in denial. And then in these moments where I just want him to still be here. And like I said before, that I know that he would want me to live my life to the fullest. There are just days when I just want to go with him and be with him. I feel like I don't want to live life without him. I find myself okay at times, and so depressed at other times. It happens from one moment to the next. I find myself talking to him, telling him how much I love him, and how much I miss him and that I pray that he is finally resting in peace, yet at the same time I want to feel his presence near because I don't ever want him to leave me. Am I going crazy, or are these feelings normal?

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Permalink Reply by Kim on February 19, 2010 at 6:25pm

You are not going crazy. The feelings are all normal. You are not even over the shock yet. 17 days is not much time. My sister jumped off a bridge June 14, 2009 and it is still pretty awful, but it is better that it was.

You will have good days, and you will have days that are just as painful as can be. Its good to cry. It gives you a release.

No one knows how much time they have left, and that is how I manage to cope. Since I don't know what kind of illnesses or accidents are in my future I try to live like I don't have forever to grieve. Sometimes it works.

How old are you? Do you have a strong support system? Call on your friends or other relatives for help. Look for a support group. My church had a six week grief support group which was helpful. Try to keep busy, and remember your fiancee would want you to survive and you can!

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