My baby bro left 11/21/07. Just got through the death anniversary and holidays. This year I decided to fake it, holiday happiness. Suffer in silence in my home. Was rough 2014's November. New Year has started and I'm thinking I'm not healing. Where is this healing at? I'm now in therapy pills and talking. This getting better and healing thing, It's bullshit when it comes to losing someone to suicide. I've tried I've been on here being as positive as I could. Waiting for the time it doesn't sting as much. Waiting for the moment I don't feel guilty or feel sad when a good thing happen. Honestly it's no where in sight. I wouldn't do what he did because I see and feel the pain it causes. Honestly, just going through the motion and suffering. If any of you find this healing thing let me know. I don't want to forget. I don't want to pretend it never happened. I just want Less suffering. I want my heart not to be shattered. I want to live. This is not living. Smh