I wasn't ready to say good-bye

My heart truly goes out to those who have lost a family, friend or anyone close to them by suicide. That 7 letter work makes me cringe. It will be a year tomorrow I lost my dad, when he took his life at my sister's home. The home we have provided him to get on his feet and try to start a better life. It wasn't until I experienced an "actual tragedy" that the little things in life didn't bother me as much. I've had a hell of a life growing up, that doesn't come close to compare what it's like finding your dad dead in his bed after a overdose. And the note he left.... That was the hardest thing to except. I felt like if anyone in this world could relate to what he was going through it was me. This was not his character. He made us all believe he had the fantasy life everyone would have wanted and all the girls were taking him out to dance or giving him their number. He was a real sick guy. He had a lot of physical problems. Pietistic Kidney Diseases, cancer, diabetes, back troubles. But he choose to medicate himself with alcohol and pain medicine. I remember that for the most of my life. It didn't really hit home until I went to one of his doctors appointments and the doctor gave him the talk that I've been avoiding for some time. He said, "John, You need to get off these pain medications, stop drinking and smoking". It was then the doctor said " How much longer to you want to be with this beautiful daughter of your"? That I thought really impacted my dad, well at the. It wasn't until we got to my place the first thing he did was make himself a bloody Mary. That was a real slap in the face to me. I thought for a second it may have sunk in.

This is the start of my story. I have much more to add but For now it was great getting this off my chest.

I know everyone can understand the feeling. And That's why I'm happy to share my store.

TO BE CONTINUED.....

Kristin

Recommend

0 members like this

Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by Rosemary on February 25, 2016 at 7:56am

Dear Kristin, I am very sorry for your loss. I can not imagine losing my father much less to suicide. I lost my husband John nearly three years ago to an alcohol and over the counter drug intentional overdose. John had been very sick for almost 12 years and has been in tremendous pain. It finally got the better of him. I can understand why he reached the point of desperation but I still feel guilty for not having seen the warning signs. However, your story touched me deeply. Addiction is a terrible disease. Your father was not in his right mind when he took his life. I am in a support group called survivors of suicide or SOS. I have learned but those who take their lives do it to end their pain be it physical or emotional or at times I guess even financial. I have learned it is not done to punish us but simply to end their own suffering

Permalink Reply by Rosemary on February 25, 2016 at 7:58am

Hi hope and pray you can find some comfort in this group and perhaps even reach out to a group meeting. The loss of our loved ones will never make sense. It is such a senseless tragedy for all involved. Thoughts and prayers are with you. Rosemary

Permalink Reply by Rosemary on February 25, 2016 at 8:01am

I hope you will find some comfort in this group and perhaps consider joining a group meeting. I find it very helpful to have the human touch and interaction with those suffering a loved ones lost to suicide. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Rosemary

Permalink Reply by T.C. Goodwin on February 26, 2016 at 1:18pm

Kristen
Thanks for sharing your story.... A dear friend I knew shot her self in the head. Her parents blamed themselves for not seeing it.... The sad thing with completed suicide is the signs are there and we try to help our love ones but sometimes they are so depressed they give up hope. Please know that God knows his heart and he will be remembered. I hope you endure this great pain - Revelation 21 :3,4

Permalink Reply by Rebecca Church on October 21, 2017 at 4:43pm

Please know that someone (me) out there in the world has just said a prayer for you, as I know all too well what you are going through and my heart goes out to you. Telling your story will help. You were admitted into an exclusive club that no one ever wants to be a member of. Had someone, anyone reached out to me with comforting words, it would have helped me feel less "alone". I wanted to send you some kind of heartfelt words so you know that you are never truly alone, even if the person showing you the support is a complete stranger. Write your story. It will help.

RSS

Welcome to
LegacyConnect

Sign Up
or Sign In