Replies to This Discussion

Permalink Reply by LA-Greg on April 26, 2013 at 1:04am

I wish my words could help, Brittney, but all I can hope is that the more people you connect with, like me, who've lost loved ones to suicide the more it will help u know ur not alone and that we can care for each other in our grief and misery. (And that can lessen our pain in time.)

My dad died of a heartattack, but 6 mos later my big brother died of suicide. It was about a year ago and many days I awake depressed, which can take me hours to shake...till it comes back the next morning. Many days still I am overwhelmed out of the blue by tears or despair, no warning. And there is often no one I can confide in, and I fear I will overwhelm or chase away my friends, so I bear it alone.

But I read about others' sorrows & pain in life, read psychological literature, go to a therapist at times, or focus on taking care of myself and not further dumping on myself because this suffering takes so long and hurts so bad.

You sound to me like you are going through normal grief for such a terribly painful loss in your life. It's particularly hard for you I imagine because of the renewed hopes you had for your dad in your life, esp w ur wedding approaching. That that celebration may be for you bittersweet should be seen by urself as a testament to ur ability to love. We often pay a big price opening ourselves to love. It makes us have hope, and often those hopes are harshly dashed. I'm sorry. But I do understand your pain.

In the very least don't beat urself up for suffering. For ur tears. Or even ur anger at being abandoned by him. Or ur despair. Suicide burdens any one who really could afford to let themselves care or love with much despair and many tears.

It's the price of love for them. And if we let it come as much as it needs to in us maybe it's the reward of being able to live on, live well, and honor that love by loving more. And never forgetting them.

Take care...and reach out if u need to.

Greg

Permalink Reply by Margo powell on April 27, 2013 at 9:58pm

Hi Brittany, as a mother of a daughter who also lost her father four years ago just as she was to start her senior year in high school and then 6month later my brother passed away followed by 3 friends suicides within the next 3 months, we were devastated. There were many other losses we experienced during that period of time, as well. I have a very strong faith in God and Jesus Christ. I never blamed God, but I felt at times I couldn't bear the pain. Every moment seemed excruciating and the joy of life seemed to be lost. I realized from that period of time that the real blessing that emerged was a greater sensitivity to others feeling and suffering. I am now working on a program for schools which addresses suicide and bullying. I am determined to help young people find purpose in their live, give them skills to cope when their lives seem to fall apart. I credit those whose lives have touched mine through their losses. Please seek God's peace and understanding. It's impossible for us to unserstand why anyone takes their life. But I believe when this life is over all things will be made known to us. You have wonderful things to look forward to.
Greg eluded to the fact that you suffer greatly because of your capacity to love deeply!!! Love is the answer to every ill in society. May your life be filled with love and excitement as you go forward. Blessings! Margo

Permalink Reply by Margo powell on April 27, 2013 at 10:06pm

Brittany, as a mother of a daughter who also lost her father four years ago just as she was to start her senior year in high school. Six months later my brother passed away followed by 3 friends suicides within the next 3 months, We were devastated. There were many other losses we experienced during that period of time, as well.

I have a very strong faith in God and Jesus Christ. I never blamed God, but I felt at times I couldn't bear the pain. Every moment seemed excruciating and the joy of life seemed to be lost. I realized from that period of time that the real blessing that emerged was a greater sensitivity to others feelings and suffering. I am now working on a program for schools which addresses suicide and bullying. I am determined to help young people find purpose in their live, give them skills to cope when their lives seem to fall apart. I credit those whose lives have touched mine through their losses. Please seek God's peace and understanding. It's impossible for us to understand why anyone takes their life. But I believe when this life is over all things will be made known to us. You have wonderful things to look forward to. Honor your father with the life you live and the wonderful influence you can be.

Greg eluded to the fact that you suffer greatly because of your capacity to love deeply!!! Love is the answer to every ill in society. May your life be filled with love and excitement as you go forward. Blessings! Margo

Permalink Reply by Sharon Fisher on May 1, 2013 at 9:12am

So sorry for your loss. It's even more difficult in the milestone moments. The only thing has worked for me personally is prayer. Our son took his life 17 years ago and this past week I was finally able to lay that burden at the foot of the cross. I'm grateful to God for accepting my burden, it's too heavy for me,  I can not carry it any longer. I pray the God of peace grant you peace. Peace beyond understanding. Whispering a prayer for you. Be blessed. 

Permalink Reply by eileen ferguson on May 16, 2013 at 8:10pm

Brittney, be strong. Its ok. to miss someone so Loved as Dad. Many dont have the privledge to have had a swell Dad. Four years is so short.=, as far as missing him. You were close, loved and respected him. He was a real Dad for you. Grief is the tip of the iceburg as they say. Your doing well. You will get better as time goes by . continue to gibe yourself this time. I lost my Son. bout seven years now and its like yesterday sometimes. I do reminise. I kept some of his ashes, which helps trememdously when i think of him and get too teary. I feel a little twinge of comfort. They sit in a certtain area in the house and has been there since i placed them thee. I have good memories,. I gave good prayers of him. so go ahead and grieve. Its ok;)