We had to ask that the funeral not be on my birthday; What a terrible birthday present!!!!! He was a golden boy, 26 years old, surrounded by friends,and about to graduate on top of his class with a masters. He had a job offer. and he still jumped 

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It was on july 2nd; why?!

Dear Alison, I lost a brother whom I loved very much. He hung himself from a beam in which he wrote my name on. It was very confusing to me as to why he did this especially since the police saw me as a person of interest. I then realized how much my brother loved me, that is why my name were the last thing he wrote. I still cry , although that was 18 yrs ago. I went through the guilt of not being there for him when he needed me the most but had to accept that no matter what I would have tried to do to help him He would have done it anyways. He loved his daughter and her mother very much but the feelings from them had changed towards him. So there was no one that could have done anything except himself if he had chosen to continue his life without them and he chose not to. He committed suicide on his daughter's birthday ( Dec 29 ). 14 yrs later my Father past on the same day due to cancer. Holidays have never been the same. Although I pretend for my children's sake the hurt never goes away we just have to learn to deal with it.

I think many of us still ask why???  This journey feels like hell for those of us who are here trying to pick up the pieces and keep on moving.  If you feel like your riding the roller coster from hell, well that is about right.  All I can really say is while on this roller coaster find your REAL supports and hold on tight.  Keep jotting odds and ends on here because chances are just by posting you are helping some one else work through the process.

Thanks for posting 


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